I MISS YOU, DARLING
When I grope the empty bed beside me,
Early in the morning in half-awake stupor.
When I wait, newspaper in hand,
For my morning’s first cup of tea.
When, unmindful of the scorching sun,
I walk to the grocer, bag in hand.
When I sit at the edge of the waterline,
Watching breakers wet my lonely feet.
When I wait for my turn amid jostling crowd
At the roadside stall of paani-puri-wallah.
When I take my customary evening walk,
Under the shady trees in the nearby park.
When I face the good, the bad, the ugly,
The ups and downs, and vicissitudes of life.
When I grope in darkness not finding my life,
Knowing I must trudge along on unknown path.
I miss you, my darling, beside me.
Trudging I was a dreary lonely path
Unaware I was of the colours of life
Stranger I was to the world of love and bliss
Perchance I was waiting for a miracle.
Beckoned I was by a light on the horizon
Carried I was by hope in heart and feet
Amazed I was it wasn’t just any light
Definite I was it wasn’t the sun or the moon.
Accosted I was by your countenance shining
Bedazzled I was by the innocence smiling
Jubilant I was on realisation on me dawning
Ecstatic I was I found my miracle at last.
Joyous I was walking life alongside you
Insatiable I was by all our marital bliss
Ignorant I was all good things would cease
Stunned I was when you abruptly departed.
Thinking I was your picture never did justice
Shocked I was that pictures are all left of you
Alive I was when you were beside me
Hereafter I am…just…am.
My sleepy eyes awaken to the gentle caress of warm and humid early morning sunrays.
Windows are open, drapes are fluttering, warm humid brightness slips through.
For a moment, I think everything is all right. I sit up, look around. Nothing is all right.
You are missing, your shadow is missing, your very existence is missing.
Just your pictures hang on lifeless walls and your memories in a shattered heart.
Where’s the morning tea? Where is your lightning smile that enhances its flavour?
Where are your slender fingers that caress my silver hair?
Until yesterday, life was vivid with colours.
Until yesterday, every dawn was pregnant with hope.
Until yesterday, every day resonated with your laughter.
Life is rendered colourless.
Every dawn is shrouded by despair.
Every day is bereft of your laughter.
Yet another dawn confronts me.
… Shyam Sundar Bulusu