This story is selected as Editor’s Choice
The way I stand here now is what I deserve. Though, not desired but required to make me realize what I had done.
She was the only one who loved me truly and I cheated on her. 10 years of marriage. Screwed. Undone. She had left the house the day I broke her heart with our 11 months son. My son. Now, maybe he doesn’t even know whether his father exists or not .
I had cheated everyone , even my daughter.
I was always her hero. Her inspiration. She was just nine but she believed that I had cheated her mother and not her. Her mother had a reason to leave. She didn’t have one and she was glad about it. It was bedazzling how a nine-year-old approaching her broken-hearted mother didn’t leave with her instead stayed with her fraud father who was protagonist of this whole cheating scene. But at the same time, I felt contrite, ashamed.
“I don’t deserve her” were the words which echoed at the back of my mind. How could she call me hero . Heroes do the right thing , I did the wrong . I’ve always done the wrong .
“Dad, you know I love you, right?”
“ Of course I do sweetie. Yes I do”
“You loved mom too, right? Once?”
I decided to skip it but that would have created a black hole for me in her mind.
“Yes, I did” I answered.
“Then would you cheat on me like mom?”
I looked at her in despair. The question crushed me. I faced her.
How innocent her brown little eyes were. How extremely she thought of the world to me. No! I shouldn’t answer this one. But then that would mean I would cheat on her too which I won’t, not in this life , not ever .
“Oh no sweetie, never. Now go to bed, dad needs to do a little office work”
I hugged her . I held my world . She kissed me good night and went in her world of dreams .
Funny , how sleep can make you forget everything for a while . Every screwed-up thing .
Next morning , the sun threw it’s rays on my face through the window . Along , it gave me new hopes , new way to start with my day , new day to end up making no mistakes .
“ Dad , I’m going to school”
“ Okay sweetie , have a good day , I love you”
“ love you too , I’ll be back by evening. Patricia has invited me to her house”
“ Take care , sweetie . Don’t be late”
I never saw her face since then . She never came back . Hours passed . But no one ever knocked the door that day. She was hit by a car while crossing the road. My world had ended. I had cheated my wife but now I was cheated by god. The only girl I was being truthful to had left too. God had taken her away . Up in the heaven.
Life had been cruel to me . It taught me to lie , to cheat , to hide but it had never taught to love and now when I was shaping up . She was taken .
Life is unfair . It has been . To me .
It’s been 2 years now . And I still have conversations with her in the graveyard .
“ I don’t deserve her” .
My heart no more speaks of it.