Fake. A smile. Fake. A smile. Fake. I’m. So. FAKE! FAKE! YOU MADE ME SO FAKE! Wiping away my tears because no one is going to take pity on me. All the pain I felt is a pain that will last forever. Just pretend it’s not there. I need a place to hide in so no one can see me cry. I just need to pretend that I’m okay. Pretend that my heart’s not breaking. Just fake a smile. All the fakeness I’ve put on just so they would accept me. All the hurtful truths that they have told me when I wanted honest lies. The names they called me, the constant teasing, nearly killed me. I can’t even tell my parents because I don’t want to worry them. The fake life I built is crumbling and the mask I’ve built up is shattering. As my mask fell to the floor, they cackled at my despair and sent a kick to my lower abdomen.
I fell to the floor almost instantly. My mind urged me to fight back but I’m scared that this would only escalate even more and I didn’t want that. But I needed to do something or I would regret it. Their cackling died down as they saw me stand up, with blood dripping down the side of my mouth. “Stay down, you useless waste of space!” They yelled at me as they scratched my face with the talons they called nails, causing me to drop to the floor once again. They then proceeded to do any form of harm they could and as they did a crowd started to manifest in the confines of the hallway.
“Does this make you happy?” I said in between the blood I was coughing up. They looked shocked that I could even speak, let alone stand up again. I leaned against the wall and wiped the blood off my face as I looked each one of them in the eye, “Does beating me up until I’m black and blue satisfy you? No, of course, it won’t because apparently I have made you feel threatened and now you need to make me feel worse about myself even more than I already do. You tell me to kill myself but you don’t know how many times I’ve already tried.”
The crowd brought out their phones to record this as if my pain was amusing to them. “You think that beating me down with words and fists is going to make me fear you but you’re wrong because no matter how many times you push me down I’ll get back up again.”
I stumbled over to them carefully steadying my balance. Tears at the edge of my eyes, threatening to fall at any moment, and the pain filling my muscles is excruciating. “You think I don’t cry myself to sleep because I’m terrified that my parents are going to figure out what’s going on at school than I am from you giving me another beat down. Do think I’ll listen to you just because I fear you? No, I will NOT!”
My voice getting louder and louder at every word. “Let me tell you, high school is NOT FOREVER! We will graduate and become adults, but if you keep doing sh*t like this, you won’t graduate and be stuck in this rotten place. You think people will listen to you if you’re older than them but again you’re wrong. They will look down on you.”
I felt the tears streaming down my face and as I got closer to them the more they stepped back until they backed into a wall, dread written all over their faces. I heard teachers trying to get through the ever growing crowd to break up the fight and when they made it through they saw me with blood covering every inch of my body and the terrified girls, unharmed, in front of me. I ignored them and continued to speak, “Do you remember, in freshmen year, when you asked me to be your friend? I was so happy because I’ve never had a friend before so I tried my best to please you any way possible. I took all the names you called me by plastering a fake smile to my face whenever you’re around!”
I yelled in their faces. They seemed genuinely shocked that they made me do all of this as did everyone else. “I knew you were behind all the rumors that filled the school but you still comforted me when I found out, you don’t know how happy that made me. I thought if we kept being friends then you might come to like me but I, obviously, was wrong.”
The teachers snapped out their shock and pulled me away from them, I screamed as they touched the bruises that have yet to heal. I was escorted to the nurse so I could get bandaged up, and after a while, my parents came rushing in, tears prickling at their eyes. I tried to reassure them that I was fine but it didn’t help that I was wincing whenever the nurse touched my wounds. They demanded to know what happened so what other choice did I have but to tell them, at first they were mad that I didn’t tell them then got over it after I didn’t want to worry them.
They smiled when the nurse told them nothing was broken and gave me a big hug, I grabbed my stuff and was about to walk out of the door with my parents when the girls that were my friends stood in our way. I thought they came to harass me again but instead they wanted to tell me sorry for how they treated me. I forgave them because they were the first friends I ever made even if they were faking it. When I walked out of that room, I felt as if the weight that has been holding me down was vaporized and I felt free. Free of all worries, of faking, of lying to my parents and to myself, of pretending that I’m okay. Life’s too short for me to continue faking that I was okay instead of ACTUALLY being okay. Now, all I needed to do was: BE FREE!