With a gasp of relief I turned the last page of the last chapter,”Done with one subject at least “, I reminded myself.
It’s funny how the eleventh hour preparation makes us so laborious that we accomplish all that we couldn’t do throughout the semester. Tonight I feel the adrenaline running through my veins. The thought of approaching final judgement vexes me so bad that it couldn’t leave any hope of merrymaking – watching movies, hangout, fancy dinner , a date.
Probably the last exam of my life, and then I’ll be back home. And, life would change entirely from what it was these four years. The hours long leisure time with friends would change into text messages and phone calls, the frequency of which would diminish with passing time. Today I yearn for mothers recipe, tomorrow I will ask for the junk food shared among the four close souls. The four souls, who in a matter of few weeks would go their four separate ways towards their four separate destinations. The hangout would change into group chats on WhatsApp and though we could have all sorts of laugh and jokes, the hearty laughter of ours when we pull each others legs would go unmatched. The bonding string of our friendship is strong, that I believe. But somewhere deep inside I fear for someone among us to go too far away for the string to split. I fear for the strangeness that we would witness in each others eyes when we meet in days to come, a clear reminder of how our lives have changed.
If you want to walk ahead, you have to leave your past behind, they say.
Never thought a past could be so priceless that it could substitute for a thousand approaching presents. Its hard for me, its hard to walk ahead when there is so much to stay behind. I don’t want to, but I have to. Even if I stay behind, life won’t stop for me. It would go where its supposed to, and there, I would be alone again. So, its better if I keep walking and hope for something greater.
Years ago when I was about to join the college, I was happy. I was happy to go to a new place, to meet new people and to make friends with them. I liked the freedom, the independence. It was nothing like it is now. Back then, my heart wouldn’t have weighed so heavy thinking about the separation. But today its like I have a new family, a new home, a new identity; only to perish within a month.
As mournful as I am today, I am equally grateful to have lived this life. To have found love, friendship, happiness, served with a slight taste of hate, sadness and remorse. More importantly, I have inched into a phase entirely different from what I could ever imagine in my wildest dream. I have a special memento stuck in my mind of all the special priceless moments but I am unsure, whether in near future it would bring a smile on my face or tears. Smile for being a part of such a beautiful span, or tears for not being able to reclaim what’s past.
And I lay here, helpless, waiting hesitantly for the last leaf of the last chapter of a beautiful four years to turn over.