Dates of birth in my family were insignificant, they never marked any of us. Well, birthdays are not celebrated nor we insisted on that. Only later, when I was already an adult and started to have courtship, and it was after finished high school, my boyfriend reminded me that this is a day to be remembered and to mark the day when the one to whom you care need to donate something, at least kiss and sincere congratulations.
Here and now as I am writing this I do not understand why this is avoided in our home, why not at least the older sister changed it and taught us younger that this is an important day to be remembered and congratulate each other. Gifts are not essential.
I remember as a child, that only once I was at a birthday party, and maybe I attended second grade of elementary school. It was the birthday of my step-brother’s daughter, who is only a year older than me and whose clothes and shoes I already worn with immense gratitude.
Since it was summer, birthday was organized in the yard of their home at the city center. What a great sight it was – like in the movies. In the yard, on the grass was placed a large table, covered with lovely white tablecloth and on it a variety of treats, savory and sweet. Around the table were chairs that have already sat the children of close friends of my step-brother, children of my other step-brothers and step-sisters, and of course, the birthday girl too that I joined.
No one instructed me how to get ready for birthday, how to act. No one ever bought a gift for the birthday girl. I came empty-handed. I was so happy that I was invited to this birthday, but when I arrived, I realized that I was wrong I came. Suddenly overwhelmed me some grief and embarrassment. I did not fit into this beautiful picture. I do not remember exactly, but it seems someone from the older, maybe my step-brother or his wife, said to me to approach the birthday girl and kiss her and congratulate her birthday. So I did, somewhat awkward, timid, and probably because somehow she looked at me from a height, even to say with hatred. It seemed she minded my presence. On second thought, she never really loved me. On the contrary, when we were older every our accidental encounter on the street, and even in the office of her father, began to make and ended up with just one word ”hello”.
She always remained the same, and as a child, and later when she grew up – nicely dressed, beautiful long hair, tall and beautiful shoes with high heels, which made her look even higher, lifted her head and a look that kills. Maybe it just seemed to me, maybe she watched only me that way. But why? I guess she was jealous of me because I had been always an excellent school-girl, and she had not. On the contrary, more bad than good. Probably her father talked about it, and she didn’t like it.
When I was older, couple of times I wanted to talk to my step-brother about this and ask him why she is acting in this way, but every time I gave up because I was afraid that I would hurt him. Even I was sure that he saw it all and knew that it sympathizes with me, but he did not want to taint her, so that she would not get mad at him. Since he divorced from her mother, he tried to please and fulfill her every desire. Maybe he talked to her about it. Who knows?