I woke this morning, to find that God was snoring next to me.
Annoyed, I thought of prodding him awake but then thought, he is god after all. Respect is meant to be given to him. So, I tiptoed out of my bed and moved towards the living room. I wanted to be as aloof from God as possible.
To my utter surprise, I found him on my sofa as well. His eyes were close, his mouth gaping open. Sleeping like a baby, no care in the world at all, what had happened to God today?
By the way, if you are wondering how I got to know he was god then well, I just knew. I had been cursing him the last night, actually pretty much all the time I had spent alive and had been repeatedly challenging him to show his face to me.
“Morning”. He had woken up.
I was taken by surprise. I rehearsed a few appropriate lines to start with.
“Our Father, who thou art in heaven.-”
“Shut up, mate. I am right here.”
“And why?”I didn’t appreciate my efforts not being given a damn.
“You really want to know? You will. And for now, get me a cup of coffee. I had a long day. I need a break.”
I hurried into the kitchen. Stoking the fire, I started the kettle. A couple of minutes later, coffee was ready. I didn’t know how good it was but I guess since it was the first time I was serving it to him, it would be fine.
He took the cup without saying a ‘thank you’. A few sips later, he spoke.
“Is it just today or do you usually make it so horrible?”
“Dude, I’m God, I can swear better. So just shut up and learn to make a decent cup of coffee.”
I crossed my hands and settled on the couch. I was pissed off with this uninvited visitor. Today, was Sunday, a day I usually enjoyed.
Apparently, today it wasn’t to be.
“Err…” the long silence between us was getting uncomfortable.
“What?” He was gazing out of the window.
“Can I know? Why have I been greeted by you today in the morning, instead of my usual?”
“Yeah, my cat. She usually paws me in the morn and gets me going.”
“That reminds me, she isn’t going to come here the entire day. I have sent her away. I thought it was best she wasn’t here while I take you away.”
“Take me away?”I took a step backward.
“Yeah. You have been sort of an irritant to me. I have had enough.”
“Huh? What have I – “
“What have I? You have been cursing me, this world ever since your senses have caught up with you. And you have been in no way a good person anyways.”
“I have. Ask the people I love. I love them. I –“
“You love only yourself and what all you need. So cut the crap-“
“I have had enough! You have been pathetically rude to me since morn and I –“
“Rude yeah but only for the last half an hour. Compare that with the attitude you strut all time. Who is rude? Who is annoying? And who is pissing off others?”
I kept quite. I knew I was handling a skilled guy. Now I knew why genesis is said to be so complicated. It was this guy after all. And today, he had picked up on me. Why in the world…
“As for your query,” he continued.”Why I picked up you only, it’s just your short sightedness. I have been giving all the nagging people out there a brief visit each morning.”
“And since when?”
“Yesterday. I think I’m done with most all those on the planet. A couple might still be left…”
“You can’t visit some five billion people in a day. You just can’t”
“I am God”
“Why can’t I get another chance?”
For the first time since morning, god smiled.
“You can. But tell me, why should I grant you another chance?”
“Because I will change. I know I have been bad but I promise I will be better.”
Yawn. “Can’t I get a better statement? I’m sorta bored, hearing you all guys rant the same thing.”
I kept my quite. I didn’t want anything wrong to come tumbling out of my mouth.
“You know what?” God asked me.
“A mile away from here, an old man is dying. His soul is quivering at the moment. I think I should be there.”
I nodded. “What about me?”
“Nothing. You spend the rest of the day sleeping.”
“But all that you said—”
“I was on my way to collect the poor guy’s soul. I thought on my way I would just drop you a visit.”
I stared at him.
“Even the Gods love fun, dude! We too need to get a life.”
“At the cost of-”
“Yes at the cost of making someone aware. And pre-warned.”
“Okay. I gotcha.”
He moved towards the window. I wanted to say something to him but all that I came out of my mouth was,
“Yeah?” He turned back.
“Do you mind using the front door?”