” nanu I love you… mmmmuah! ”
These were the words she said me someday..
What if you have forgotten..
I still remembered those words of yours..
Might be my face has got blurred in your eyes..
But the picture of your face.. is still clear in mine…
12 a.m, 1st January 2014…… When everyone was full of life… welcoming and celebrating new year.. I was just dull..lying on my bed with my eyes open and was thinking about past.. the last year 2013 I had . It was probably one of the worst times I ever had .
But now… all that is a past. That horrible bad year 2013 is now over. I will have a fresh start now. Now I wanna be a part of this.. damn selfish, fake and emotionless world. I wanna be one among those ‘smart ’ people… and wanna be a bad bad guy. Because I think its meaningless…being called a good and a great human by the people.. when actually those people gives you the worst treatment at some stage of life.
Now its time for a change.. time to move on. And so.. I just smiled and picked up my cell phone to wish my near and dear ones.. ‘Happy new year’. After wishing them… when i was just about to keep my cell phone on the table near my bed.. then suddenly… my cell phone vibrated… hmmmmmmmmmmm….
There was a new message from an unsaved number.. ‘ Happy New Yr’. Just these three words…. without any sender’s name in it..
I was confused . And when i had another look over that contact number… then I was like…
” What The F…!! Its her… But why now!!??? ”
I mean…just now I decided to be a happy person and to forget all about what happened in the previous year. But she pi**ed my mood on the very first day of this new year. “ What a start to this new year man! Great!!” , I said to myself .
Then I just closed my eyes… and was trying to sleep . But couldn’t….. tears started rolling down my cheeks . As this message from ‘her’…. took me in the past… about 10 months back….. in the month of March , 2013…………
” Kunal… had your dinner beta..?? ”
“ Ya dad.. I had.. ”
“ Ok… goodnight..”
“ goodnight dad !”
And then my Dad went inside his room to sleep.
( After few minutes…)
‘ tenu mai love kardaa….. bematlab kardaa…. (I love you…. without any reason I do.. )
bahon mein aaaa soniyeee….. bas aj raaat ke liyeeeee…. ‘ (come in my arms sweetheart… just for tonight..)
“ Kunal !!! Who’s screaming inside your room !!!?? ”, my Dad angrily asked.
“ Aa.. aaa… da.. Daaadd… it was my friend’s voice. He sent me a voice message…and I was just listening it ” , I very innocently replied.
Actually……. it was me . I was singing that bollywood song… as I was in a good mood . As after about sixty days being continuously sick.. my younger sister was finally Ok.
But now I just dropped the idea of screaming. I mean… singing.. As it can be dangerous.. (you know what I mean).
I wasn’t getting any sleep… and so I just opened my Facebook account . There was a recent post on some dentistry related page… ( between I wanted to tell you that.. I was going to be a dentist soon. I was doing my internship from a dental hospital near Jaipur, Rajasthan which was about 20 kms far from my home) .
I opened that post and started reading the comments on it. And after reading a comment…. I started laughing…
“ Haha…. its funny.. who commented this….?? ”
“ Anushka Gupta..! Nice name…”
Then I just clicked on her name and visited her profile. She was looking so cute and innocent like a kid in her profile pics. She was a dental student in a university in Meerut ( U.P). One of the last lines of her profile ‘ Bio ’ was…. ‘ exactly trying to find out.. what sorta person I am…’ which was something unique and different .
” I mean… its strange! Everyone here writes… I am this… I am that… and bla bla bla… But why she wrote that!!? ” So I was very curious to know about her… just wanted to have a chat with her.
And so I messaged… ‘ Hey Anushka… wel… I can help you to find out…what sort of person really you are .’
After few minutes… there was a message from her.. ‘ Look….. I don’t talk to strangers.’
“Aah..! as expected . Most of the girls usually include such words in their first reply on any social networking site…”, I said to myself.
‘ Wel… every close friendship or any relation in this world just starts from two strange people. Anyways… I won’t be forcing you to chat with me.. bye ‘ , I messaged her.
Then I was checking my home page for the last time before signing out.. and.. there was a new message….. Inbox(1)..!
I opened it. It was her.. Anushka… ‘Hey… sorry for being a bit rude.. But I don’t usually reply to people whom I don’t know personally. So bye.’
‘ Ok.. as you wish.. bye.’
‘ By the way… how did you searched me..? do you know me !??’ , she asked in her message.
After reading this… I had a smile on my face and was wondering that.. “ Why she’s still messaging me after saying bye!!??? May be she’s now interested in having chat with me… like the way I am interested in knowing her…. or may be not .. Whatever. ”
‘ naah… I don’t know you personally… I saw your comment on a dentistry page and so visited your profile.. and messaged..’ , I replied.
‘ Ok.. So tell me something about you..?’
‘ Wel.. you know my name.. am simple, honest and humorous…and am a bit flirty and for more details about me you can visit my profile..’
‘ After viewing your profile.. I don’t think so… that you are flirty. As you look simple and decent. And are those words in your profile really true ? or you have just written to impress people?? I mean.. you hate liars and you respect every relation that you have in your life..?? ‘
‘ ya.. all the details in my profile are true… and Haha… flirting is my natural talent.. ‘, I replied.
And then I started flirting with her..
Then after 3 or 4 messages…. her reaction was…..
‘ WHAT A FLIRT..!!’ This is what she messaged me after knowing about my ‘natural talent’ .
And she started teasing me and started pulling my leg with her words…
” I’l now tell all the girls in your profile who think you are simple and decent guy.. that how big flirt you are.. haha ” , she messaged.
There was this exchange of messages between us for about an hour. It was our first chat.. and was funny. She was quite mischievous , energetic and a girl with a good sense of humor . This is what all I can say after having our first chat.
( You must be thinking… that I will fall for her . And if that is so…. you are wrong. As there is no chance of falling in love for a girl on a social networking site ). According to me… ‘ only foolish people can think of making relations on any social networking site’.. and I am not one among those .
Next day… after having my dinner.. to satisfy my curiosity I messaged her.. ‘ hey hi.. how’s you? I have a question.. why you wrote in your profile that you are trying to know what sort of person you are ? I mean… what made you to write that?? ’
‘ I am moody kind and very hot tempered sometimes… the way sometimes I behave is not under my control.. so quite unpredictable ’.
I wasn’t satisfied with her reply. It seemed like.. as if she was hiding something related to that. But how can I expect a girl to behave so frankly that she will share all her secrets with a stranger like me just on the second day of our chat. So I just chatted with her normaly.
On the third day…. when I opened my facebook account.. I was surprised… “ Anushka gupta has sent me friend request.!!!??” This was something really unexpected.
I accepted her request . And then we started chatting daily… in evening.. at night.. and sometimes even in afternoon . Slowly slowly… she became very frank and comfortable with me.
One night… when we were chatting she asked for my number.. that I messaged her.
‘ Now tell me yours..’, I messaged .
‘ Haha… I won’t be giving.’
And I was like… ” whattt!! Do I look like a fool… that I gave her my number..?? ”
‘ Ok.. your wish. But now on don’t message me ever’, I replied.
Then she was messaging me.. saying sorry and all.. But I ignored that.. as she made me angry.
After 15 minutes…..
‘ Sadda haqq.. aithe rakh.. sadda haqq.. aithe aithe rakhh.. Na na…. na na na.. na naaa… ‘
No . This time I wasn’t singing. It was my cell phone’s ringtone… “ But who’s calling me this late night !???? ”
“ Hello….. who’s this ?? ” , I asked after picking up the call.
“ Hey ! Hi Kunal…. its Anushka gupta..” This was the first time I was talking to her. Her voice was mellifluous and a bit of mature kind. I don’t know what.. but something very magical I felt in her voice .
We then started talking on cell phones . During this period… we shared many things.. discussed on various topics.. told each other about our hobbies , future plans , our family..etc etc .
And one day… I came to know that behind this mischievous , highly energetic and humorous girl… was an unhappy and lonely kind of a person.. who wasn’t satisfied with her present life.. who worked very hard in her past and tried her level best to crack the ‘ PMTs’ and to get admission in a government Medical college.. but unfortunately wasn’t successful. Also in past.. she was in a relationship… but was left with a broken heart.
When I came to know all this… that night I was thinking about her and was just trying to understand her … “ May be she is trying to know what sort of person exactly she is… but for me she is cute and such an innocent girl who doesn’t deserves all this. She deserves her friends attention.. someone to care for her…support her. I think… she needs a very close friend . ”
And so… I decided to play that part in her life. “ Whether she will allow me to get that close to her or not… but I’ll be making efforts to make her smile..” as who wanted to see a cute girl crying.
I started caring for her.. started sending her jokes to make her smile and started showing my concern for her through the questions like how her day was? had breakfast? had lunch ? dinner? And like a friend.. I used to scold her whenever she used to skip her meals . As she was a hostler and she often used to do that .
But this wasn’t love. This was just a part of humanity and my caring nature.. and just a responsibility of a friend .
Slowly slowly… she became more frank and comfortable that she messaged me this (when we were chatting)… “ I can never get bore of you Kunal . I can chat 24 x 7 with you. You are a close friend of mine now.”
And I was smiling… a wide smile on my face . As the girl who was calling me a stranger someday.. was now using some special words for me… ‘ Close friend ’.
Month of April , 2013…..
As the days were passing by
We were getting closer and closer.. don’t know why
She became that important for me.. that I
Was getting addicted to her.. and her good night wishes and bye
Now it was hard for me to see tears in her eye
As those tears had the strength to make me cry
To make her smile was now my only try
Why I getting that close to her.. dont know why..
The care and concern for her was now growing bigger and bigger day by day . Now it wasn’t just the part of humanity and my caring nature or the responsibility of a friend . It was something more… it was.. ‘Love’.
“ Yeah.. I am in love….” , I was saying that to myself and was smiling…
Then immediately a second thought came to my mind… “ WAIT WAIT WAIT… But someone said that.. ‘ Only foolish can think of making relations on any social networking sites’…?? ” And I was scratching my head.. as I was that ‘ someone’ .
But that wasn’t a problem. The problem was… “ how to propose a girl whom I met only on a social networking site !?? And what if she doesn’t believes in love on such sites and will make fun of those feelings ?? ”
But it was hard for me to resist . And one night.. when we were chatting.. I wrote a long message and expressed all my feelings… and proposed her… ‘ I love you…’
‘ Whattt!! you are kidding na ?? Can you say this to me on call?? ’ It seemed like… as if she was waiting to hear those three words from me .
‘ Naa.. As I don’t have the strength to say all that directly ’ .
And within few seconds of my reply… she called..
“ Hello.. now say those three words by taking my full name.. if you are not lying.. ” , she said.
“ I really love you Anushka gupta..”
Silence…… for about 20 seconds…..
She was breathing heavily… and then she replied… “ I love you too.. Kunal.. ”
And I was happy and very very happy . But I just wanted her to be sure about this feeling… “ Are you sure.. that you truly love me ?? And if not.. take your time… I’ll waiting for your answer.”
“ yeah.. I love you. Am sure about this .”
That moment I was feeling like.. as if I was the part of Indian cricket team who won world cup in 2011… was jumping and dancing .. as we were in ‘ relationship ’ now.
Then we started calling eachother by different names. She used to call me ‘ nanu’… and I used to call her by various names like.. ‘ shona’…’babu’… ‘meri chikni chameli’… ‘chhamakchhallo’… ‘ meri sonpapdi’… ‘jaanu’.. ‘jaana’… ‘meri rasmalai’..
Slowly slowly… the bond between us was getting stronger and stronger . Within few days it became a complete relation. There was care , concern , love , romance , possessiveness , fights.. and every emotion . And our hearts came that close… that we decided to marry each other. Even we discussed and imagined our future and kids after our marriage .
Month of November, 2013…..
11th November… it was the day.. we decided to meet each other for the first time in Delhi. And I was nervous plus excited. Throughout my journey to Delhi in bus…I was thinking about her and those words that she used to say me on calls or through messages…. ‘ just blessed to have you Kunal..’ … ‘ I just love you sweetheart… mmmuah!’… ‘I just wanna spend my whole life with you Kunal’..
After recalling those moments in the bus.. I was smiling and thinking… “ Today.. I will be seeing the one for the first time… who is already a part of my heart.. part of my family.. and part of my life.”
For the first time I met her in ‘ Coffee Cafe Day ‘
Was very nervous.. didn’t had idea what to say
Then when we were walking in ‘ Connaught ‘ place
Was just looking at her and thinking… without you I just can’t spend my single day
After lunch when we were watching a movie together
She just held my hand.. and I was sweating in that cold weather
But after seeing that she was happy and there was a smile on her face
Now I wasn’t nervous..and knew what to do and what to say
Everything was going good between us till one day…when she broke her promise and talked with her ex-boyfriend. And I fought with her badly.
Along with all this problems.. I was also facing some Big family problems those days. It was the hardest phase of the year 2013 for me and my family.
Then to attend her close friend’s wedding she went to Noida on 28th November.. for three days .
And when she came back… things were changed. She wasn’t that interested in me now.. she started making a new boy as part of her ‘Whatsapp’ dp and status. She wasn’t now bothered about.. that how I was or whether I was fine or not.. but was busy now in chatting with her new friends .
Then I asked her the reason for all this. And every time I asked she gave me a different reason.
And one day when I called her.. she irritatingly said… “ YOU ARE NOT COMPATIBLE..! We don’t have any understanding… we are not from the same caste and we don’t have any future…!! ”
There were just tears in my eyes…. “ But what about those 8 months( from april to November) ? Those words that you said me many times.. that ‘you are perfect for me Kunal’.. ‘blessed to have you’..?? We discussed and imagined our future together and now you are saying… ‘We don’t have any future’ !!? I really loved you… ”
“ You never loved me Kunal… and WE ARE NOT IN RELATIONSHIP NOW ! ”
With cell phone in my hand… looking at that ‘ Happy new year ’ message from her… I was back from the flashback in the present 1st January, 2014 and found myself crying and saying….“ Loved someone more than myself and she said… that I never loved her. ”
What’s the meaning of this formality of wishing me ‘happy new year’.. when she really didn’t cared for me and not even once she turned back to see that… may be someone has stopped living his life
It wasn’t her fault actually… it was mine. I was so simple and stupid that I always believed in some ‘Eighteenth century’ thought.. that relations and emotions are to be felt from the Heart .
But forgot that I was in ‘twenty first century’ … where people are ‘smart’.. where brains are used in relations and feelings are played with.. where situations are given more importance than humans that they are left alone when conditions are not favorable.. where people changes so fast with time and so do theirs relations (first strangers.. friends..then close friends.. lovers.. and then again strangers..)... where people ultimately leaves you crying after making you feel very special.. where boundless love and care are not of any value in front of those few fights that leads to break-ups.. where simple, honest and straight forward humans like me are not respected… and where feelings of middle classed and low caste individuals like me are also considered low and not valued ( after spending those Eight months together) that they are told someday that ‘he never loved that girl who was world to him’..
“It was my fault…” , I was saying this to myself while wiping my tears.
But now am just a changed man.. just rude and emotionless . And so i replied her.. ‘ Who’s this ! ‘
And now I again believe that… ‘ Only fools fall in love on any social networking sites ‘… and I ‘was’ one among those..during those ‘8 Months of my life’ .