When you lose someone, does it hurt? Do you blame yourself for his actions? Did you regret the fact that he left because of you?
He gave me a choice, I was to angry to choose him and now he’s gone. Just like the wind he brushed my heart and away he went traveling to a place in which is impossible for me to reach him. The pain me made from the mistakes we did were once easy to forgive, but never was once hard to forget. Returning to what once was is difficult. But all i’m asking is a chance for him to forgive me. Will he?…
It been years since were married. Years filled with pain and sadness. How come? Cause you’re gone and it’s all because of me. Paying the price of having to live without you is like living in hell. Months after our marriage I was pregnant. We talked about our child’s name weather its a girl or a boy you didn’t care. All you could think about is starting a family. I lost our child a couple of months ago, I didn’t mean to.
You said it was going to be OK as long as we had each other. But how can you sit there, and blame me for everything. You said you always wanted a family, because you never had one before. I told you we could always have one at the right time. You were sited on a bed, the exact same bed where we fought and made love. How you comforted me and told me that everything will be perfect as long as we have each other. I guess you were never able to accept the tragedy and pain of losing our child. It was hurting me more than it possibly hurt you.
Yes, that child was our own, reasons enough for you to be hurt but that child was inside of me. You think I have forgiven myself for losing what could have been our bundle of joy? I was suffering emotionally and the last thing I needed was for you to fall before I completely lost it. I kept looking at you and continue to cry. You looked at me, stood up, and left. You left me with a big question mark. You left me with a lot of things in my mind. Could this be the end of us? We’ve been together for that long and I’ve never seen that side of you. Perhaps, what happened affected you so much but it was not you to just bail out on me, not explaining how you feel. Looking from the balcony, rain was falling and your mood matched the weather. You were so cold. I saw your car speed up and loosing sight of it into the darkness.
I perfectly remembered how butterflies were in my stomach whenever we kissed. How you cried the first time we made love. Treasuring those joy and laughter made me forgot how we are today. It’s been hours since you left. I drank some coffee I needed something to keep me awake, the last thing I wanted to do was sleep. I turned on the radio and our song played… A touch of hot tears build up through my eyes. I was crying again. I felt lost and alone. You left me and now, without you, I’m be lost. I looked at the watch…… 5 am. I felt numb from crying. I felt numb inside. I scanned the album where I kept our pictures. The happy moments together as I called them… The best day of my life I became Mrs. Taylor! I placed it back inside the drawer.
You were so excited to become a daddy. Either way if it was a girl of boy, our little princess/prince we were going to call her, Angela if him, Angelo. I failed you….. I failed us…! My phone rang. The lady said you were in a car accident. I rushed to the hospital and waited for hours. Hours has passed and still nothing. I fell on my knees in tears. I prayed, I was ready for a family, I knew that time I wasn’t going to lose it. My heart was beating faster as each moment passes. I was scared. Was I going to lose you?
At last, the doctor talked to me and with that everything became crystal clear. He said you were in a coma and you lost control of your car and hit a tree. Lilies were found on the passenger’s seat, you were probably on your way home, wanting to ask for forgiveness and reconciliation. I forgive you even before you left the house. The doctors gave me you stuff and a tiny velvet box. I opened it, it was a necklace you were supposed to give to me when you reached home. A note with it said……….
I’m sorry and i love you so much. You mean the world to me. Will you forgive me?
I took the necklace and wore it. It looked perfect. But you were there laying on the bed unconscious. Weeks passed and you left me. How could you do this to me? How could you betray the promise we had about forever? I felt mad at you for leaving me but then the anger faded with the tears that fell. I felt useless all I could do was cry. I passed out at work. My staff brought me to the hospital. I was over fatigue, depressed and worst of all, I was pregnant.
Yes, I wanted a family but that was when you were alive. Knowing that I was pregnant made my depression worse every day. I wanted to take my own life but after some thinking, I decided to live and literally live this time! But to be able to really live meant loosing this child. I opted for an abortion but as I was about to kill our child, I decide to keep her. She was the only thing I had left of you, the only thing that will remind me of your love, our promise I’ll keep her and call her Angela.
Angela, 5, will be attending pre-school this june. Too bad, she never met you. I tell her stories about you and yes, you are daddy to her. The daddy she’ll never have the chance to meet. I know you wanted to raise a child but it was your time to go. You could have been the world’s best daddy. You missed out on this one. It was tiring but worthwhile.
Perhaps I’ll never love again…. Nobody seems to come close to you….. You’ll always be in my heart and I believe that we will be together someday. I love you…. Happy Anniversary my love… Till we meet again….