“Come to my cabin, tomorrow last hour.” S.K texted me. I thought of S.K sir, he does not even look like a lecturer. He may be 2 or 3 years elder to us. Fair and neatly done hair that become a stylish hair style with hair gel on it after the college hours. Too young to have a responsibility of a real lecturer and too old to act stupid trying hard to avenge me.
“Ok sir” I typed back. It would be rude if I don’t reply. ‘Sir’ seemed a far word to attach to his personality as I see him, but I could not think any other word would make it sound less harmful- “why do you want me to come idiot?’, or ‘what’s your problem with me****?’.
I am an early to bed and a before sun rise person. My life is simple and I have made it less complicated by not having much of social circle to get involved with. And hence I spend a lot of time reading and imagining as I read. I can see a whole movie while I read considering myself as all the characters I come across. Reading was heaven but I wanted my heaven to have Advaith in it.
Advaith… I want to forget I love you. You are a star I cannot reach, you are a dream that won’t come true. You are a thought without definition. What is it about you? Why do I like you? Is there a reason? Or is it simply an attraction that grew bigger with time? Why I feel there is more about you that wants me to know?
Why do you just confuse me? Don’t you understand why I unknowingly loose myself in admiring you? That why I simply stare at your eyes? Is not that obvious? Or are you just pretending that it’s ok? That openly admiring you is something everyone does to you? You think I am fool? People in love are foolish.
I let out a long sigh in the long night. My eyelids heavy with the weight of tears urging to come out, warmth of the salty water across my cheeks resembled the cry of the clouds outside the window, drizzling and continuous.
The staff room was empty the next day except for S.K. what a nice time to screw me up…my mind wondered. I should not have come alone. But then Sahana had basketball practice these days. That left me with no one to take along with me. Not that I don’t speak to my other classmates but I do very little.
“Ha come”, S.K said smiling crookedly as if he had something in his mind. “I was wondering if we go out together on coming Thursday, I assume you have no class that afternoon”
“I have other plans sir” I said though the thought of punching his face crossed the mind. I see no reasons in him liking me. I was just a nerd, well that is how I usually get noticed.
“You can cancel it for me?” his eyes shining. Now I realise why he did not look like a good person to me irrespective of his very charming personality that he showed or pretended, his handsome hero like face, and a well-built body. It was his eyes. It was his eyes that said he was a liar, cheater, crook.
“I am sorry sir, I don’t wish to come” I said turning to walk back when his hands held my shoulder strongly. It hurt.
“You cannot possibly walk on my words” his voice was cold. “No girl ever has rejected me to bed”. His hands tightened against my shoulders trying to pull the cloth off it. I stood half in shock and half in rage.
He turned me towards him and tried to force his lips on mine. For the first time in my life I lifted my hands to hit someone and believe me it was not what he ever expected. He literally flew across the staff room.
Astonished at what happened I stood staring at my hand that hit him.
The weak me that often fell and got hurt was gone and I felt the energy circulating in my veins. S.K slowly got up, mixed anger and humiliation on his face, walked towards me and was about to slap me when a hand held his and pushed backwards.
Everything felt very slow, very clear as if the time was in slow motion. S.k sir fell on his table and gasped for breath. I automatically turned to see Advaith behind me. My savior. My love.
I felt the gush of my blood running madly in my veins. From my head to the toe tip. I saw Sahana running to me from staff room door before my eyes closed and I fell on Advaith’s arm.
I could still hear the sound. Advaith was worried and was asking S.K what he did to me. Sahana was trying to take me from Advaith’s hands. He asked her to get the water and carried me somewhere I could not see with my eyes closed. He held me to his chest, and his fast hearts beating against mine. I wanted to say I am alright but no sound could be gather up from the throat.
“Why do you get yourself into something like this?” he asked me worried thinking I couldn’t hear. I felt his lips on my forehead, soft on my skin, caring,not sure if it just a feeling or he really did kiss.
I opened my eyes slowly. He made me sit leaning on the corridor wall, it looked empty.
“You feeling ok?” he asked, his deep eyes with concern.
“Yes” I said surprised how I energized I felt quickly
“Why the hell did you want to come alone to him?” he clearly was angry.
What is your problem? I wanted to ask.
“It should not matter to you” I told firmly.
“It does matter, it will” he said his voice calm and considering.
“But why Advaith?”
“Because I care for you.”
“Why? I want to know why you care. You confuse me. I don’t know how to understand your care” I said and I did not regret saying it.
“It’s ok even if you don’t understand,just think I want to be good friends with you”
“Think?” I wanted to be more than good friends with him but here he was offering me his friendship to a higher level.
“did you get hurt?”
I blew a full grown man across the room- I wanted to say but that may seem obviously ridiculous. And telling that to someone who offered me his good friendship a moments before looked even more ridiculous.
“I did not get hurt” I said shaking my head.
He reached up for my right shoulders and touched where S.K’s nails had dug in my skin, leaving read scratches. His touch was smooth on the skin, he examined it carefully, but it was not friendship I felt in that touch. It was more than that. More than ‘want to be good friends with you’.
I took his hands off me. Confusion is not something I can hold long to. He looked puzzled at my action.
Sahana came running “thank god, you woke up? No aqua guard is working in this building.” She was panting.
I looked at Advaith, “Thanks for the offer of friendship, but I don’t think your fiancee will like it” I said getting up to my feet smiling, yet sharpness in my voice.
The next day was more like any other day, but there was a new lecturer instead of S.K. everyone was surprised at why S.K suddenly left the college without even a hint. It was said he had some personal things to take care of and had to go urgently. But I knew Advaith’s power behind sir’s sudden disappear.
Advaith was sitting in his place-last bench. I felt the urge to look at him and turned back slowly to find him already intently looking at me. He did not smile but his muscle tensed at getting caught staring at me. It was the first time I saw him looking at me like I do for him. I blushed and turned towards the lecture.
“It’s not just friendship that I am seeking” his voice was unimaginably very close, like a whisper in my years. A mild shiver passed through my body. It was not imagination. It was real. I turned suddenly, his look still on me and expressionless.
“Advaith you make me mad. I heard you, very closely, like too close to believe. Is that you? I love you Advaith. It looks bad though. I don’t know. I can’t seem to stop thinking about you.”
“Neither do I” he said, very close. It was as if he could hear my thoughts or I it’s my new level of madness to hear things in my mind. Love sickness!
I laughed at myself. “Impossible” I thought and tried to concentrate on the class.