It is an aberrant celebration, my first heart break with my wretched loneliness…drunk thoroughly and wishing if she could come again and we will become together like we were in past. I found myself probably be a culprit of romantical disorder,a situation in which you tends to give condolence to your scattered heart that one day someone better will come for you to entrench your heart with love. It took eight years four girls and one heart break to feel the immortal meaning of four letters LOVE and then I realized the pain felt by those girls whom I ditched deceptively with As if care philosophy. I always succeeded in finding escape route in every relationship but somehow today feeling besmirch for these routes. I closed my eyes and lock myself into past lives I absconded in my life…..
First love is moreover a attraction with toppings of foolishness and real ingredients of curiosity tastes best when served hot. I was in 10th std and every other guy in our class found himself to be very close to Raj of DDLJ looking for his Simran in every other girl so how come I remained untouched from this midas touch, infact I tagged my nickname as Sid which looks cool instead of Siddharth that sounds a little boring to me. Shweta aka my Simran, although she was real love of my life until she got married, was my first love of first sight.
Our story took pace from cricket ground and got a dead end at boards result. I was sports captain of school which made me popular among girls but my dream girl was Shweta, exactly opposite to me she was school captain & won many accolades in math & science olympiads but somehow our chemistry of understanding with each other and mathematics of love kept relationship balanced although she always used to helped me out in studies and moreover she act as moral booster for me. It was my last cricket match and I was bit emotional for this although our school was already out of tournament but I wanted to make it better for her as she came first time to saw me as a sportsperson and also it was our last day in school before boards, I scored some boundaries but got out early then I ran towards her..
“So Mr. Cricketer got out……I believed it’s the time….you should have to be serious for the studies and better to focus on boards …Already wasted too much time for this tournament. I am telling you..You have to score good marks and compete for engg. entrance otherwise it becomes a dark future for both of us “ She said in one go.
“dark future…what’s that…are you alright or got insane…I haven’t wasted my time, its more like an achievement for me like engg. entrance to you…and I thought we had lot of time for future management “I replied
“Siddharth let me clear to you…life is fun filled entertainment for you may be it’s the way you want to live but my perception is different, its more on practical approach and if you really love me then you have to make it for entrance.”She said
“If I will not then…”I gigled
“Then I would never like to see your face….it will be painful and hurt me more but enough for you to remember me for lifelong”She said and left the place and since my destiny was somewhere else I was never be able to met her again as neither I scored good in boards nor in any competitive entrances. I got news of her marriage after some years from my fellows.There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love and I chose to be a wise man.
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind…I took this statement with my heart and moving ahead. I was going through a bad phase as I lose girl with a handful of bad results in boards that left me in devastated state of mind…then I saw Palak…again love at first sight. Her charismatic presence in small town bus stand made my cupid blew again for sometime and coincidentally I felt more blessed by god as she chose to sit besides me in bus. Now,it was my turn as I knew there’s never a second chance…she was feeling little uncomfortable of remaining cupids of bus staring at her as they haven’t saw a girl before.
“If you don’t mind….you can come and sit here”I said offering her window seat
“Hmmmm…..thanks, its alright”she paused
“Well!..Sorry to bother you…I am not comfortable here…can I sit at your place” she whispered and signaling her eyes towards those lusty poor eyes that were tucked on her.
“I understand..”I replied and it was a bingo notion for me…green signal I was looking for.
“Lucknow…I mean you’re going to lucknow”I took responsibility on my shoulders for initiating conversation
“Obviously, yes…that’s a non-stop bus to Lucknow”she replied annoyingly
Her rough statement made my cupid looks like stupid and I thought as if why I offered her seat, it also gave a 100 watts glow to faces of the rest of cupids those were still staring her. For next two hours I felt like I got caged in a cell for some hours with penalty on letting any word from my vocal chords. Bus halted for dinner and this time she came to me as I was still sitting quite on my place.
“I am really extremely very sorry for my behavior…I hope you understand…can we go out for dinner” she said and smiled all the way
A man is already halfway done if women sounds sweet….i already got the music of cupid conspiracy again.
“Well!..it would be my pleasure having date on first meeting with a stranger at strange place like dhaba”I replied with mix of naugty voice
“Stranger…no…I am Palak…friends..”She replied and forwards her soft touch of hands
“Siddharth…..friends call me Sid” I answered and banged on
“Are you like this or is there anything special today…”she laughed
“It happens often with me but it seems to me we can make this conversation even more spicy with hot meal”I replied and she laughed loudly
Then we had dinner at dhaba and I experienced one the most romantic and unusual date of my life. We shared every part of our life for whole night and I was hoping that this night will never get dawn. We reached to our destination and shared the contact details and then she used to call me everyday using his uncle’s mobile. Things were like sweet songs for me till the day she reacted like a girl and asked for our future plans. Girls are sweet but when questioning for future plans like job and marriage it’s a signal of danger and all sweetness turned into bitterness that isn’t easy to swallow. While going through to this filmy love story we met and spent a lot of day & nights too & the time has came for me to say bye to her and I started avoiding her but she sticks to me like quick fix bond and soon I cleared her everything as I got admission in mass com college in Delhi.
My phone was ringing continuously and finally I picked…
“I am busy in making projects….why are you calling me continuously, will call you as soon as I will get free” I said annoyingly
“you will never……..I thought you forgot me and trying to avoid me, you are similar to those boys who use girls and play with their emotions…why you done this to me, I only need a reason?” She questioned
That’s a moment I was waiting for….a perfect moment to finish everything.
“Yes, you are right…I am among those who use girls like chewing gum first I chew until its sweet then threw it away….happy you….now please stop this all non sense and let me live happily” I cleared her in one go
“No….i will not…will not leave you easily…what the hell you think of yourself”….she replied and meanwhile I drop the call.
She messaged me continuously with all her sentimental enchants but I already made my mind and shared her contact info with my friends and after some days she called me with some other contact no.
“Listen to me you ba**ard….i am getting calls from so many boys talking cheaply with me and you are the only guy with whom I shared my contact number..you are really a waste guy…now listen to me very clearly..”She paused while talking and I sensed the notion of her low voice mingled with a ton of tears
“you are the biggest mistake of my life and request you to never do this with anyone in future and keep one thing in your mind that you will never get a real love in life ever…….you will feel my words one day and I promise… that day, you will feel what you really did with our relationship and to me……Good bye & I wish you will take care of yourself” She completed and ended her finishing speech.
Although I knew practically I should felt guilty for what I did with her but I celebrated that night with drinks and thanked all friends for supporting me in this needful cause. Love at first sight is possible but it always pays to take a second look.
Parul (Ambala 2009)
It was my cousin’s wedding at Ambala and unfortunately I met with Parul as I was trying to get rid of curse of being single. She was relative of my dear sister’s friend came here to attend wedding but I was ready and cautious too because she was very close to my sister and within a span of day became close my family and specially my mother. My uncle gave me responsibility of taking care of all the guests and outdoor works despite of this I was rather keen on my target. It was wee hours of night and I managed to found a corner of roof for my dear cigarettes those were uttering to lit. I was feeling as if I partaked the heaven after every puff and all of sudden a flash of heavy light striked on my face and I felt like as if I was in hell.
“hmmmmmm…smoking, every single person of your family thought you a very gentle guy,what if I show them these pics….you are really looking like a gentleman in these pics”she threaten me
“Oh! Really…can I have a look on these pics.I never saw myself smoking even in front mirror or in dreams”I replied
“very smart…you can have a pleasure of looking yourself while smoking and don’t worry your smartness won’t worked here as I already locked the pics….poor boy …couldn’t be deleted anymore “She said very smartly
“What do you want…”I asked
“nothing…just throw away the rest of pack and I will delete the pictures that’s my promise”she replied
I heard somewhere never listen to women if you are in trouble unfortunately rest of my life was in her mobile although I never followed the command of girl in my life but its always a first time so I responded to her order and threw the pack.
“Happy!…”I said showing my displeasure
“No…promise me you will never smoke again, then…”She responded to my ugly expressions with sweet smile
“okay!…Thats because I always respect and value the advice of good girls.I will not promise you but will try..thats a gentle promise from a gentle person whom you found very gentle a moment ago..”I answered
“So..Gentleman its time to say good night…see you in morning”She waved her hands and left with smile
Her smile was enough for my lost morale booster and the next morning came with a new story….
“Siddharth….are you going somewhere”she asked to me
“Yeah…going to pick vegetables for evening event”I replied
“Actually…if you won’t mind..i want to buy some stuff from market,you know its famous for Lehangas and all”She said
“Oh! Really,that’s great….come and why should I mind..we have enough space in car but in ten minutes”I replied and my heart was beating more than thousand beats per second now
“thanks a lot..will come in five minutes”she replied and hugged me
Her hugged made my heart beats ten times more than previous and I started making plans for next few hours.
I accompanied her in shopping as it was a hurricane task…she almost took four hours for choosing a Lehanga which made me little helpless although it gave me opportunity to spent more time with her,we did lunch together and shared our views with each other.She got excited when I let her my hobby of writing poems and stories that’s other thing it was playing guitar with Palak so I added a new feather to my hat for Parul…what to do she was fond of reading novels and poems.
Now onwards that roof corner place became our meeting place and I used to show her my poems with the help of almighty google clicks that helped me a lot. She came closer to me in few days and with more closeness finally it came the final day….years after years and girls after girls it’s the only question that made me freaked out the best….what about future plans?…
It is said that There is a women behind every successful men because women prefer a secured future and its always with successful men and my future till the date showing no success plans so when she asked for my future plans… I chose to follow my best plan….Escape route policy and it works much better in more worst conditions.
I was feeling tired after vidai event and all family members were busy in packing their stuffs meanwhile she called me at same place the roof corner and gave me a pen…
“Finally my searches for best thing for you ended with this pen…keep this with you and I hope one day you will write something original of your own and don’t forget to send those stories & poems to me. I shared the best of my life’s time with you in these few days and I hope one day someone will really make you a gentle guy,someone for whome you want to be a gentle one….that’s it” she completed and left the place without giving me a chance for explanation.
A woman has got to love a bad man once in her life to be thankful for a good one.
Its more than three years since I fell in enigma of love as I decided never to fall in love at first sight if anything comes to me I should have looked twice thrice or as many times I could try also I became more mature, career oriented and It was a good first opportunity I received on the professional front and indeed a opportunity on personal front too may be because it was not planned by me may be because it was planned by destiny to teach me a lesson for lifetime.
My life was going absolutely good until I met with Mitali. She was the first girl for whom my heart for the first time in life said Love at first sight as anyone can catch your eye but it takes something special to catch your heart. My mind always yelling for a try but my heart wanted to be real in front of her as there was some magic in her simplicity,a aura of beauty that makes her different from other girls. We worked into same organization and with the passage of time we became good close friends.She changed me completely and then she changed.
My mornings commuted with her greetings and nights called off with her wishes. I felt finally something that I never with any girl in my life but I was in dilemma whether to let these feelings to her as I there was always fear of losing her and one day finally I said whatever in my heart.
“Hey…Mitali,I want to say something to you..Please don’t mind” I said
“As if I ever mind…stupid I don’t have mind, tell me” She replied
“Nothing…there is something like burden on me, just thought… would share with you but its not that important “I said after a pause
“OK….will not force you but still if you have something that you want to share then feel free to share it”she replied
“hmmmmm…..see its just…want to tell you that I respect you and had lot of care for you…..”I paused after few words
“so that’s you want to share with me..”She asked me
“I like you as a person”I replied in one go
“anything else…its alright..i am in rush…leaving”she replied
That was our last friendly conversation…..friendly means after that converstion,she bothered and ignored me so much that gave me feeling of dejection…no wonder I tried so much to cleared the things to secure our friendship but the relation got devastated. Finally I asked her the reason of bothering me..
“Why are you doing all this…what the hell I did that changed you?…..tell me whatever you feel…truth”I questioned
“I never see you like this…..and moreover I feel uncomfortable with you and now when you have asked so let me clear you….I thought if we continue with this friendship…you will again feel whatever you felt before and I don’t want you to feel bad again and again….so better is to leave everything here and move forward to our ways”She answered
“I just let my feelings in front of you….i just said I like you….ok..ok..so it means we are friends no more?”I said aguishly
“Yes…..and its not necessary that the person will feel that you feel for him/her and please don’t questioned me again”she replied and leave
I was expecting some thunderstorm…heavy wind, rain with boring heart breaking background score that seemed to be happens in our movies in real heart break situations. I kept shouting on her for whatever she did with me then i remembered the golden words of all girls in quick sequence somewhere back on mind.
May be a woman never forgets the men she could have had but a man never forgets the woman he couldn’t.
A steer noise of continuous knocking on door unlock my eyes…Its already eight of morning and I am lying like a nauseous and tingly over romantical disorder man on chair .
“Sid…open the door”Its Swati knocking the door
Swati is my new collegue in office…..I am getting late,let me open the door for her.
Finally I realized something in life that honesty is the key to relationship but if you can fake it, you are in.