I still remember the day we shifted to a whole new place. I was quite sure that my world will come across a beautiful change. And it happened. I always wished it to be a positive one but life had some other plans for me.
It was a Monday morning and as usual I was pissed off for the reason of going school. The school was the last place where I wished to go. I was just a normal average student. No talent, no achievements just a normal student. This was the reason I hated going school.
Nevertheless my mom was not in a mood to listen to all those craps and she woke me up. Getting ready for the school was another difficult part. But the only reason I loved going school was my friends.
I reached school at around 7:30 and it was still half an hour for the school to get started. But my friends were still to come.
They reached at around 7:55 and then started our normal leg pulling. As the bell rung at 8 all the students were already having their seats.
Our first lecture was a normal one and eventually all the lectures went by with ease. I reached home at around 2:30, had lunch and went to sleep.
‘Wake up wake up’, my mom was waking me up again. I don’t know what she wants now. ‘Muma ab kya hua?’
She delivered me with what was a shock for me at that age. ‘Your scores are getting late day by day and your tuitions are commencing from today’.
Tuitions???? What tuitions… these were the only word that burped out of my mouth and I was directed at my tuition classes within no time.
My teacher was a sweet and a simple lady who adored her students a lot. She was the best thing in those 2 hours. She is the lady who is my best friend my philosopher.
I met new people and I still remember those days. The tuitions were carrying out smoothly; suddenly I saw a new face in the class. It was just such a charming face that I still cannot forget that guy. Arav
I was immediately attracted to those lovely brown eyes. I cannot forget the sparkle of those eyes and his winky smile.
The day went by thinking about the first smile he gave me.
Again a new day started, from home to school, school to home and then the most entertaining place tuitions.
I saw Arav. He was seated before I entered the class. He gave me his cute smile and I was head over heels for him. I got a seat just next to him. We introduced ourselves and became friends.
We used to talk a lot. We became so fond of each other that a day would not pass that we did not meet other.
Even when I did not come for my classes, he used to call me and we used to spend the entire time talking on the phone.
That time was the best time of my day when I used to get ready for my classes and wait for him.
I was so so happy to have him as my friend. We shared so many secrets.
I always thought that we kind of shared a special bond with each other.
“Oh! Was I falling for him??
No it can’t be he is just my good friend.”
These were the things which always popped in my mind as soon as I saw him.
Each day used to pass with so much fun. I gained a lot of confidence… I was not the same old girl, who used to nervous… I was turning into a more confident girl…
Once my tuition mam sat down and had a talk with me regarding Arav.
Her first question to me was, “what do you feel about Arav”? And I had no answers. I was nervous. Hell lot scared that my secret of having a crush on him would be out in coming few seconds.
I controlled the palpitations of my heart and replied, “Ma’am you are right, I actually like him, but I don’t know the other way round.” Her answer was that he may never like you as I know him very well… the next line was a complete shock to me.
“HE IS MY BROTHER.”
“Ma’am but how does this matter, if he’s your brother. Did you not sense our bonding?”
“But he is the same with every other girl”. She replied me back.
I was completely taken aback by her statement, but I still had faith that he likes me, because I know my heart cannot play such a game with me.
I decided that I would disclose my feelings to Arav. I was scared to death.
What if he said no, what if my teacher’s statements were correct? What if he said that he never thought this way? What if he said that I don’t want to be your friend anymore? I had no intentions to lose him as my friend; still I gained a lot of strength and decided to tell him the truth.
As the day was progressing, my heart beat was increasing at the rate of 200.
At 4:30 I reached my classes, and to my surprise I found him missing from the class. I asked my teacher but she had no clue about where he was.
I texted him, but there was no answer from him for about half an hour, suddenly my phone ‘beeped’
It was him.
He wrote ‘sorry dear I am out for some work so couldn’t come up.’
My phone buzzed with another message,’ you wrote you need to talk to me about something, say. What happened? Everything fine’.
I decided this was the time. I opened my message box.’ Hey Arav there was something important I need to tell you. I love a guy. I am going head over heels for him, but I am very nervous that if he said me no, then he might break our friendship with that no.”
His next message was, “who’s the guy? Do I know him?”
“I’ll let you know the name once you give me the solution to this.” was what I replied.
He replied back. “Okayyyy. First message him that I want to confess something but you have to promise me that you won’t break our friendship after that, and tell him the truth.”
I replied thank you so much and that I’ll catch you in a while.
After almost half an hour I took my cell out. I opened my message box once again and saw a message from Arav.
“Hey! You promised that you’ll let me know the name as soon I give you the solution.”
I gathered all my strength and wrote,
” hey Arav wanted to confess something to you.
You know that guy very well but first you have to promise me that you won’t break our friendship at any cost. I LOVE YOU.” And send.
I was eagerly and desperately waiting for his response. 10 minutes passed. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 1 hour. 2 hours. 3 hours.
I decided to text him again.
“He Arav you promised me that you’ll not break our friendship and now you are not even bothering to reply me back.”
After hours I got a reply, “hey dear I told you na that I am busy with some work so could not reply you back.”
This was not I was expecting as a reply. I was waiting for his answer. And then I got another text.
“Shonam you know you are my best friend and you’ll always be. I love you to the core but just as a friend and nothing more than that. I am sorry if I ever gave you any wrong indications but this is the truth and I don’t want to fool you around.”
I was heartbroken. Tears kept flowing from my eyes. I was feeling helpless. There was no person I could discuss this matter with.
There was a friend in my life, with whom I could discuss anything. Shonalika. I called her and we planned to meet up.
I told her everything. She already knew half the thing. I did not see any sign of remorse on her face. Strange I felt.
The next thing I noticed was a sudden fear in her eyes. I did not mention about that fear in our talks.
A day passed and I received her call.
“Shonam I need to tell you something very important”. I knew what was coming next.” He proposed me.”
I knew there was something which was bothering her and I had an idea what was that all about.
She told me the whole story that they know each other through me.” On 1 august he proposed me.”
Wait what date did you mention? I asked her. 1 august. This was the date. Oh lord how can this happen.
The day I told him about my feelings was the same date he proposed my best friend. How can he do this to me?
Now I was waiting for Shonalika to finish and tell me what she feels about this proposal.
“Shonam I always knew that you loved him so how can I say him yes.”
I disconnected the call and turned on to my thinking mode.
What if I did not got my love, he should not be let down only because of the fact that the girl he loved is my best friend and my best friend cannot betray me.
I called her once again. Shonalika, I want you to change your decision. I don’t want you 2 suffer just because of me. I know if he proposed you he actually means it.
She did not answer for a moment.
Next I heard a shocker. Okay. I’ll do that for you..
“Do that for you”, I’ll be the one who’ll be affected by this and she’ll do that for me??
Insane, illogical reasoning I thought to myself.
Moments later my phone buzzed. ‘Beep beep’
I was over excited to see the name on my display.
The name displayed was Aru a.k.a. Arav.
Hey shonam, thank you thank you. I owe this to you. You the best friend ever. You’ve shown how much you value our friendship. It’s because of you that shonalika changed her decision. Thank you so very much.
I was in tears.
Years passed by and everyone moved in their respective lives. I was promised by my friends that whenever their love story will be written Shonam would be written with gold letters.
That day is a history and those words are also the part of history, lying in some grave yard…
They forgot me and moved on without holding my hand. And I was left back… With no friends, the lost confidence…
I had no one to take my side, to console me. They were my best friends and now I am left with no one around me. No one cares whether I am alone or with someone. Whether I am happy or sad.
Now I realized that I was always a lost chapter of their book.
Suddenly my door bell brings me back to reality. I saw the two most unthankful people.
Shonalika and Arav.
First of all I was delighted to see them but suddenly I got back to my conscience. They were fully dressed up like we see those in Hindi cinemas. Whole like a band baaja baarat scene. They gave me hugs and I welcomed them in my house. They handed me a leaflet. On it were engraved in gold letters
And I had no words to say… I gave them a fake smile and congratulated them. They invited me for their marriage which was taking place in this month only. I could not react to this unknown situation. I just gave them my fake smile and I guess they understood that it was their time to leave.
We all gave goodbye hugs and they left.
It was 19th of January, the d day. The date of their wedding.
I was in no mood to go and cry over the spilled beans but I don’t know what gave me such strength that I woke up, got decked up for the wedding and headed toward the marriage palace.
It was a 30 minutes long and tensed drive towards the venue. When I reached there, I was smiling like anything. I met both of them. They were actually shocked to see me. I guess that they did not expected that I can ever overcome my fears and be a part of their happiness.
I proved them wrong. I am here to be a part of their happiness but most of all I am here to prove them that I do not need their support to stand, to face the world and to be a part of any gathering. I am being brought up with lot of love and support from my family and that alone is enough for me to live in this society.
Today I am living in this world with all the confident that I had lost in the previous few years. I would actually like to thank both of them that they made me realize that I do not need anyone to live. I just need my inner strength to live in this world.