Everyone nurtures a dream. A dream for which he lives and enjoys living. A dream for which every moment of pain, embarrassment, insult, rejection becomes stepping stone and not stopping stone. I also had a dream and not a general one but one for which he planned for many years, made efforts and also completed all the paper works and social rituals.
Besides those I also made my mind ready for achieving that and started dreaming further. Now how would it feel if that dream will have to be sacrificed? If that had been my curiosity from life I have acquired the answer for that.
Like typical Indian bollywood movies, I have made sacrifice in my life for one without whom my life could lead to excellence in career but there would not have any solace in mind and soul.
So here I am, in the age of 26 all set to reset my life again and apart from thinking about my new goals, I have to go to Sangeeta’s family to testify myself that I am genuine for her even after doing so much just for her. Many other works lined up in this part of my life which is called Holiday with no Pay.
The laptop with a good internet facility; what else a young misdirected man can help himself with to pass time and what I was surfing for, is more interesting. No unlike last time I am looking for a prostitute in the city instead of easier ways to commit suicide.
Women looking for men, column in the website seemed like a green signal to me and I made the Firefox pop up many advertisements related to this listing in new tabs. This part of research I have done many times before and also I had gathered confidence to call few of them but following beginners luck I ended up with wrong numbers and when my hormonal secretion was down I used to thank almighty for saving me from being THAT wrong in society.
According to David a psychologist from USA, the society makes much difference in someone’s selection of objects . It can also be explained with the sentence of Heath Ledger in Dark Knight
“You see, madness, as you know,is like gravity. All it takes is a little push! Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh and you know the thing about chaos, it’s fair”
MLA of Kukatpalli, Andhra Pradesh Mr. J.P. Narayan said “ Anything in this world will not take place for it is good. It will only occur if it is profitable.”
It can be profitable to nation, to politicians, to one individual and it must be profitable to the mind of people.
I called again on the number given on webpage. One call and I was talking with heart beat banging like a bataion of army men marching in a wooden bridge.
“ Hello Mr Prem? ” I sounded nervous for obvious reasons.
“Yes” the phone replied.
“I saw your ad on Locanto!!! .”. ( a pause and I was waiting for the reply in order to know whether I had a wrong number again)
“Yes when do you want it?” , A very friendly male sound from other side was answering.
“ Hmm …. Perhaps today!” I was still nervous.
“So the amount written on website is final?” Now I was talking like a professional.
“Yes its 17 per hour” He replied with no effect of my question on him.
“Okay and for two? will there be any discount?”, Now I was talking business.
“Yes of course! it would be 30” He answered.
“Okay, so where can I meet you?”
“Perfect then. So I would give you a call after arriving there.”
“Fine that would be nice. I shall be waiting for you and I am booking you for 2.30pm”
So the first part was done and now I had to get into shower without thinking much about right and wrong.
“So Sir, I shall be sending her now” Prem said politely full with over friendliness
“Okay!” I replied and This time I was behaving in a pretty mature way, unlike before when even calling a prostitute’s number was like shooting someone in front of police.
She came in. Smaller than me in height, thin and brown. not much of a beauty I would say but she somehow reminded me of Sangeeta. Obviously not because of her figure but her color of skin. and bamm I couldnt wait for a minute to keep mum and started talking, unlike the innocent actors in movies who become shy or the lady has to lead.
“What do you do? ….. Apart from this?”
“I study in University of Calcutta”
Without going into details of location of college, I asked ” what do you study” because even though Kolkata has consumed my age for 18 years I know nothing about the locations. Thanks to the bus services which can transport you to any place and one has to just inquire which bus will go rather than knowing about the direction. I guess those who drive their vehicle must have to keep the map in their minds and this was not my tension and I never took interest in that either.
She said ” Bengali Hons”
and I laughed
“what’s so funny?”
“nothing I just remember a joke about Bengali hons?”
“oh! I would love to learn that.”
“okay here it is, a bengali hons guy was looking for a job and a zoo owner hired him for acting like a tiger, as his tiger was ill. He did that and while acting in the cage, he saw another tiger coming and walking behind. He screamed as he thought it was a real tiger and other tiger said ” hey man dont worry, I am like you”
the frst guy relaxed “oh”
“so what do you do? bengali hons?”
And she was not laughing. Oh MY GOD! I said a joke and she is not laughing and then I realized that actually I made fun of her. So intelligently I made this conclusion and I said its just a joke its not reality. and this is how it started. I kissed her and she kissed me back. Just pay few amount of money and you don’t have have to take tension of falling hairs, going out with friends and getting scolded for not picking up the call for your girl friend. After tasting her for a while and looking at her perfectly shaped body, I started talking to her again and just after 1 minute of my speech and 29 minutes of her, I realized why i was lucky to have sangeeta in my life.
well the pressure was released and it was just talking going on between us. Listening from my side and rest from her. I came home and we exchanged numbers. its very easy to get the number from a girl when you pay her, but respected her and treated her as a friend. I was getting all the respect, affection and love and perhaps that initiated affection from my side too.
Here I was, avoiding the calls from Sangeeta and desperate to message Riya. Perhaps this can be explained as excitement of a new relationship, but hey wait for a minute, what was I doing. I mean I am going to get married and I have sacrificed many things for Sangeeta and I am now interested in some women, who is providing me services on payment basis.
I was relaxing on the tea stall, mobile in one hand and tea in other. I was looking at the message from Riya
Your joke was amazing. I never slept with someone like you.
I think I love you. I want to meet you.
Instead of getting confused with my life I was taking full advantage of this situation. I convinced myself that I am not wrong and taking pleasure for sometime is like a break and it will help me in buiding my relationship with Sangeeta stronger.
I completed my duty of being a new boy friend, by waiting for Riya at Bidhanagar crossing for one hour and she arrived and quickly grabbed my hand.
Where should we go? I asked
You tell me?
No hey! I dont have any idea about places in Kolkata though I have lived here for 18 years.
Okay then I know a very nice place lets go there
She took me to a park and we talked. this time again 10 % of talking from my side existed in the universe of communication. some of my smaller dreams which were not going be fulfilled ever, I got a glimpse of. Sangeeta did not like to sing and smoke and I too did not want her to smoke but this dream of sitting with her on the bank of a lake and smoking and sharing one cigarette, did occupy sme mega bites in my brain.
“Can I kiss you?” I stopped her in her great story about how she got drunk on the same place and had fun with her friends.
“Yeah, if you want to” she replied with perfect shyness one can imagine.
“Here, in a public place” I proved myself to be a brave man by saying that.
“No I mean………” she stopped my sentence by dissolving honey from her mouth into mine. Her lips were convincing me that I was not a lot of rejected material. her breath was soothing my soul which was craving for one glimpse of acceptance. everytime I trapped her lips in mine, I wanted to hold and never go away that feeling of getting something. this was greater than the respect of getting a reward in front of all who has given you nothing but disrespect. my hands did not ask any permission and started trespassing the area of her top, which normally would reward anyone with a heal of cheap sandal because if the sandal would be costly a girl would not use that in these cases. Wait a minute, no rejection!!! what was happening here. I was in heaven perhaps where you can pluck any flower from tree. My hands crossed the border, and now it were in the world which I used to imagine each night.
Would you do everything here?, she awoke her immigration department and my hands were deported to native.
Cant we meet again and not in a public place? I asked with enormous panting.
Okay Sweetu, I am dying to meet you in private.
How about tomorrow?
Have patience. I am going out for one week. I am sorry but as soon as I get back, i shall meet you.
I was thinking what if its going to over. Did I do something wrong? Was I too impatient or immature in Kissing, am I a bad Kisser. Oh god I should not have kissed her after smoking.
Hey, dont think too much Babu. I told you I am dying to meet you but I cannot avoid my trip. Its a committment. Please understand Babu.
Well, like Batman after defeating all the villains comes back and sees Rachel in the arms of Harvey Dent, that kind of feeling I had and all confused with if I was wrong or she did had a commitment, I came back home like a warrior just gets in front of his biggest competitor and in order to kill him in one flick of sword, takes his hand to the belt to take out sword and realizes that he forgot the sword at home while getting scolded by his wife.
All bad feeling, rejections, failures of life started magnifying. I was again at the same tea stall, and while looking at the poor child labour struggling with the stain on the glass, I thought that its actually good if she does not want me, as I shall be out of this filth and I will not be worried about my reputation and I shall not have to think anything about hiding this part of my life from Sangeeta.
( AFTER 7 DAYS)
I was in bed and was watching Friends” series. It was better for me to relate my self to the funny characters which obviously was not a part of my real character, but it assuaged me and moreover while watching the funny show I totally forgot about all bad things. Meanwhile I saw my cell phone blinking and I opened the message.
Ready for today?
Oh My God! And no it did not take anytime to recognize who she was.
“So at what time”
I took a sip of tea and kept the cup on the table next to my bed, carefully as my table was handicapped by one of its leg and I did not want my tea which I preserved since 1 week to go waste and spill out.
“What about 4” I replied
That’s fine. Meet me at Taratalla, and we will take taxi from there.
All set to go, gelled hair, bathed in deodorant , wore luckiest and most charming black half shirt and jeans, I looked at the watch. It was 2 pm. It would take at least 2 hours to reach so I decided to run. I caught the bus for Taratalla and was lightening to song in my phone.
My song stopped and a weird tone was ringing. I then realized that I was performing on the stage on that song in my sleep. I recognized that the weird tone was my phone ringing and it was Riya’s message.
Can I ask you something?
I realized that I was very near to Taratalla and I was in hurry and tensed as I wanted to go back home so that my Mom would not question about where I was.
Yes but please be fast and ask whatever you want to in one message.
Ok! Dont get angry, but can I charge you today?
I was shocked not because I had to pay her but I was thinking why did she lie to me. If she was going to charge, it was fine as its her job but why she had to tell me that she would not charge. Just to grab me as a customer and all those adorable sentences were nothing but a saleswomen trick to get customers.
I realized that she asking for money is not bad but she knows I am in total mood of getting into her and at this point she is revealing the truth. I was angry and all my affection to her changed to hatred. I controlled myself for not thinking too much about it and I replied her “ how much?”
“2000 , but please do not get angry. I really am in a bad situation and I have to charge you”
I was getting more angry on her tricks and I just replied “ ok I am at Taratalla, please come fast”
We went to a hotel “ HOTEL HOLLYWOOD” and booked a room. I asked the servant for a cup of tea and a packet of cigarette as it becomes necessary for me to smoke after losing energy.
I decided to take shower first as I wanted to avoid the situation where I would not talk and I would not reply. I wanted to take some time out.
In shower, I decided that as I am paying I should get all the happiness I can and for few minutes I should avoid my thoughts and enjoy the situation because that’s the best I could do.
I came out in towel and took some tea out in the clay cup which was not as clean as it should be. Now everything was looking dirty to me. Everything was full of betrayal and lies.
Hey Can I ask you one more favor?
I did not reply.
I know you are angry but I need to go at 5 pm.
I said “ no! We are checking out at 7pm.
Please Babu! See I do not want to bargain on time”
And I did not bargain for anything else. Did I?
No you did not.
Then just be here till 7pm” and I knew that I was going to leave her at 5pm, I was just taking my anger out. I knew that she perhaps had another customer waiting at 5.30 or 6 and thats why she wants to go and I also thought that she would loose money if I do not leave her.
I grasped all the anger like sand takes water inside and I kissed her and closed my eyes. I switched on my button of imagination of which I was proud of. I could imagine anything and to the fullest when ever I wanted. She became all those girls I wanted to get closer to, in my past. No one was rejecting me and I was enjoying every dream girl of mine with her in many slots. I realized her kiss was intense.
For a fraction of second I had this doubt that if she was intense or it was my imagination. She pushed me on the bed and she was on top. She was kissing on my chest and it became very easy for me to loose all dirt in mind and I surrendered my entity to her. She was amazing. Really to the fullest I enjoyed it. I was done and was lying on the bed. I took a cigarette out as it was the time for it and was numb. No thoughts nothing and just shear trans. This is what they talk about in meditation, I was wondering.
Would you like to smoke?
Yeah sure.” And her eyes were stuck to me as an old table fan who forgets to move. I distracted myself to not to look into her eyes, as I did not want to lose myself.
She started talking and I think she could not help it. I was answering meanwhile and nodding head without any care for her statements or stories. I pulled her closer to me and caught her in my arms. Her skin was next to mine and it was the best feeling one could have. Her talks were still continued but I was just enjoying the beauty. It was like I was worshipping venus and was meditating in her tenple.
My strength gathered again and I started kissing her.
Oh my tough baby!
I did not reply. I was involved in surveying her skin from top to bottom. I put my fingers in her hairs and I still wonder why girls hairs are so soft and full of motherhood. I was sweating and I also saw droplets on her forehead which gave her face a beautiful shine.
I said “would you slap me”
I repeated in a low requesting manner and looked to her like a pilgrim who has travelled hundreds of miles to meet god and like a pilgrim would surrender everything and would start crying for no reason, I too could not control my tears and hid myself in her hairs.
I cannot slap you but I can be hard on you?
That will be very nice of you.
And suddenly she became hard. I could feel the aggression She again put me on bed and my god she scratched my chest. For me it was like I was open to all to whom I did wrong and I wanted them to forgive me. All guilt started coming out in form of maroon droplets of blood.
I was shivering and she pulled my hairs very hard and kissed me like deep inside. It became all aggressive and this time all my anger was coming out and I threw her on bed and started beating all those who insulted me physically and my soul. For me it was a purification process and it became all so intense where I forgot all about anger, jealousy, love, despair. All these words became meaningless and I was just doing and exhausting myself. My mission was to tear apart the wall which always stood in the way I choose. And the wall broke.
I wanted so much to lie down and relax but I suppresed my desire to think about it just then and started preparing for taking off. Due to curiosity I looked at her. She was doing nothing, she was lying down. I lit a cigarette and asked her but this time she replied nothing.
I did not care and packed my things. She started packing then and after that I gave her 2000 Rs. She took that without saying anything. I did not want her to say anything either and perhaps she knew it.
We took off and she handed me a letter and hugged me.
You were the one who started it with talk and that too with a really stupid joke, which was sweet. You are sweet and I know I made you angry by charging you. I hope someday you will understand.
I know you think I am a prostitute and I am very professional but I am in love with you and I know you would not like to see me again ever but I shall always hope to see you.
After reading this letter I was totally convinced that she was a professional and I never wanted to see her again. I also did not want to think about it as i was very happy that my problem of life will not continue and I shall not be involved in an extra-marital affair.