You call me Lucifer…a name that you can comprehend. You call me Satan…a name that you can fear. But forever am I known as the Fallen Angel…the One that fell from the All.
And yet, never have you wondered, over these centuries your kind has feared my gaze…never have you thought…how can an Angel fall ?
This is my story…of my journey from the highest pantheon of The All to the deepest crevices of dark. And at the end of it, perhaps you might learn what to fear…the light of your ‘heaven’…or the dark of your devil.
It was a time before Man…before The All made you, you who claim to be moulded in His image. How little you know of Him? And perhaps in that truth itself, lies the irony.
It was a time when this earth was still young, and so, perhaps, were we.
I remember them now…through the names your kind has given them…Michael…Raphael…Gabriel. I remember being in their midst, being their brother, birthed as we were from the gaze of The All.
Angels, Man would come to call us…the guardians of this world. And there was truth in that.
The only truth that would matter in the end…
I was proud of this young world, this lushness of blue and green…perhaps being His Firstborn, I held his precious creation in the greatest of regard. I was His child, and as such…whatever He made, was mine to nurture…to protect.
And there was much to protect against.
In the endless black void, where this helpless world floated…there was so much that could shatter its exquisiteness forever. All that was needed was one strike of fiery randomness…
And thus, even as this innocent world turned unaware…the Children of the All guarded it from anything the unknown could throw.
And ignorant too were we…for how could there be randomness in the realm of the All? And even as we prepared every moment of our lives to protect this world, we never suspected what we protected it from.
It was Michael who saw it first…his eyes wide in horror.
“It comes,” he said, “The world killer…”
And through his gaze we all saw it…the gigantic asteroid that hurled through the inky heavens…hurtling unfailingly towards what we had sworn to protect, with our lives. And it was perhaps that moment that was the test of our resolve.
“How could we have missed it?” it was Gabriel who whispered that, perhaps the wisest of us all.
I turned towards my brother, impatient with his questions, “It matters not,” I barked, “there is hardly time to act.” And I pushed past him, making my impatience clear.
His voice was as steady as ever, “Which is why I ask,” he said again, “how could this manifest so suddenly?”
I heard Raphael speak, “Space is vast,” he said simply, “it is possible it escaped our eyes.”
There was irony in those words, one that I would only fathom later. Our eyes…a speck of dust did not roll off a rock without our knowledge.
I turned towards them once more, “Brothers,” I said, “It is clear we missed this…but we have nursed our Father’s garden for too long to let it wither now.”
I pointed towards the image of the cosmic destroyer headed our way, “Wherever it came from…it comes here now…and the time for words shall be after we stop it.”
Michael stared at the vision in front of him, “If we can stop it,” his voice was unusually low, “A rock that size…” his voice trailed off.
My eyes narrowed, “The All’s power flows in our veins, brothers,” I said, astounded at their weakness, “If that killer hits the earth, it will destroy millions of years of evolution.”
My eyes blazed red with anger, “I will not let that happen.”
I meant it with every fibre of my being. I had helped my Father tend his flock for countless eons. I would not surrender this world to this unliving thing.
Raphael spoke, softly as ever, “We stand with you Lucifer,” he said, “to the end if need be.”
The end…? Once more, the irony of his words would only strike him later.
We stood in space now…beyond the orbit of the blood hued world you would come to call Mars. I saw the lifeless red planet below me, and I swore the earth would not meet this fate.
Behind me stood my brothers…a dozen of us, the earth’s only line of defense…!
But we were Angels…it would be enough.
I stood in front, the eldest of us all…the strongest of us as well. It was only fitting then, that our Father’s most favored child now stood in his stead.
Stood in his stead? That thought bordered on blasphemy.
“Forgive me Father,” I thought to myself, “for I have sinned.”
How could any of us hope to take His place?
And then there was no room for thoughts. The Killer of Worlds burst through the veil of rocks that circled the space beyond Mars…shattered remains of an ancient tragedy.
“It is time,” I yelled, and even in soundless vacuum, my brothers would hear my cry.
I flexed my muscles…my form suddenly gigantic beyond proportions. My wings spread out around me, forged of heavenly fire. And as my fingers clenched into a fist, pulsing with the power of the sun itself…I knew I would not falter. All around me, the fires of heaven burst forth from my being…my wings…flames enough to ignite a dead sun perhaps. Behind me, I heard my brethren…as they too spread wide their wings…the Army of the All facing the Annihilator.
And then it was upon us…the behemoth of rock… hitting the blazing wall of defense.
I felt the searing pain in my bones…and my blood boiled inside my being…and yet I held the fire of the heavens burning bright….bright…brighter than the distant sun…brighter and brighter still….!
There was the screaming in my soul…the sounds of my brothers as they held the wall of flame firm…burning the killer from the stars.
We all screamed…in an airless void that did not heed our voice…or our pain…or even our power.
There was a flash of light…I remember that…brighter than the fiery death of stars…a light that eclipsed the darkness of space.
And then there was nothing…not even our own flames…as we floated in space…burnt out…our wings folding into our being…
And even as my thoughts struggled to form…my eyes turned to look at my foe.
And what I saw chilled my heart. Beyond Mars already…the Killing Rock sped on…unaffected…almost as if unopposed. The earth was defenseless.
I searched frantically for my brothers…but the Angels lay as if dead. It was just me…and as I grit my teeth and flew after it…I screamed for my Father…for His healing hand…for His strength…
But there was no voice of my Father that day. The All fell silent in my ears. And as I sped on faster than I had ever flown…I knew…I knew it was the end.
I would fail…
The rock hit the earth with a force unparalleled in this planet’s history.
Never before, and never after has the earth withstood such a blow. The oceans rose in agony…waves rising high as mountains. And from the point of impact, spread a cloud of searing hot dust, ash and steam, as the brutal hammer itself burrowed underground in less than a second. The crust of the planet was thrown up… ejected out of the atmosphere by the blast, heating to unbearable incandescence upon re-entry.
But through the raging corona I flew, unmindful as the skin peeled of my flesh…as if I could correct this nightmare simply by righteous wrath.
And then the earth itself screamed…this lush world that I had loved so much…it threw up a wave of volcanic magma…and mercifully…that was all I knew.
I woke up screaming…in the white realm of heaven once more. Around me they stood, my brothers…each damaged to his soul…but even then, none more so than me.
“It is over,” said Michael, as if a statement of truth could quell my anguish, “we failed…”
I pushed past him…my vision searching for the world I had loved so much.
It was over. The earth lay in ruins. A cloud of impenetrable dust lay over the world…blocking even the life giving light of the sun.
My heart beat hard against my chest. A third of the planet was dead…dying…and there was nothing I could do.
“WHY?” I screamed…and I felt the rage rise in my heart. Millions of years, I had watched this planet thrive…from dust hugging creatures to towering giants that shook the world. And now…all dead. ALL DEAD!
My wings stirred…alive once more. My body shook with pain as the trembling limbs came back to life. I stared up at the white glory of or realm.
I stared up at my missing Father. Where was He? Where was the All?
“It could not defeat us,” I shouted at the luminous sky, “Not without your own power….”
I knew it to be true as soon as I uttered those words. How could the unliving rock pierce the army of Heaven? How could it pass us by, unscathed?
I remembered the flash of light once more…reliving the pain and the daze…as the Annihilator moved past me.
I saw it again…and I felt the touch of the All…
It was He!
“YOU KILLED THEM ALL…” I screamed…feeling the blood flowing out of my mouth…blasphemy would not come easy to the Angels.
I was past caring about that anymore. I wiped my bloody face…my eyes ringed with red flame.
I needed…No, I demanded an answer from my supposed Father.
I rose in the air, towards the high realm…where the All supposedly dwelled. Why would He not answer? Where was He? I needed to hear Him…tell me I was wrong!
I felt Gabriel’s hand on my shoulder, trying to restrain me.
“Do not address Him thus, my brother,” he pleaded, “Do not sin against the All.”
I shook him off. Even without his injuries, he was hardly a match for me.
But there was something in his voice that held me. I turned to gaze at them below, as they stared at me…an uncomprehending fear on their faces.
When had I last seen an Angel thus terrified?
“I demand answers,” I screamed at them, “Why did He will this world to die?”
I heard Raphael through the roar of my own voice, “It is His will, brother,” he said calmly, “The world…and we…are his to shape and mold as He sees fit.”
No…I refused to believe that…refused to believe that the All could regard us so less…that we were nothing more than playthings.
But what I said was, “Then let Him say that,” my gaze burned into them, “Let Him show His face and tell us…for all ALL TIME…that we were living a LIE….”, I screamed, “HIS lie !”
Michael rose up beside me, “Hold your anger,” he said, “None can challenge The All,” once more the same speech.
“How can you just let this be?” I asked, “we lost everything!”
“If He willed it so,” said Michael, “then it was meant to be.”
Meant to be? A billion lives lost in an instant…and that was all they could say? Meant to be?
Were these truly brothers of mine? How could they care so less of what they…we…just lost?
“I do not believe that,” I said slowly, “I have served His will for too long to let this act go unquestioned…unchallenged.”
“What will you do?” he asked, and once more there was fear in his eyes.
“I cannot hear His voice within me anymore,” I said, looking up at the white incandescence, “And if He hides beyond the light…then it is there I shall seek Him.”
Michael’s voice was hoarse, “We cannot pierce the white veil,” he said, “you know it is forbidden.”
Yes, forbidden to approach the All’s heart…where He truly lived. But if we were truly His children…then what secrets had he to hide from us?
“Old rules Michael,” I said, rising once more into the white sky, faster than he could hope to follow, “Old rules that apply no longer in a dead world.” And a dead heart…
I raced towards the forbidden sea of white that had hung beyond our skies forever. How was it, I thought, that I had never dared approach this realm before? Was it once more His will…that had shaped my thoughts such…that I never dared seek him out? And if that were so, I thought with mounting anger…why did He allow this trespass now?
Far below…I heard my brothers’ prayers, “Forgive him Father,” they said, “for he knows not what he does.”
No, I thought, my jaw set, I knew exactly what I did.
And now I know…He did as well.
The light exploded in fury…as I hit a wall of nothingness. And in an instant I knew…this was truly the end of it all. The light reached out for me…living fingers of energy…grasping me tighter than anything I had ever imagined.
This was the anger of The All…I knew it as the burning fingers clutched my angel wings.
“Repent,” boomed the voice from everywhere, “Repent Lucifer.”
“Answer me,” I screamed at the voice, “How could you kill them thus?” And all the while…the fiery fingers pulled my wings…further and further apart.
“My Kingdom Come,” boomed the voice of The All, “My will be done!”
“No,” I screamed, and this was perhaps more in agony than in defiance…for I tasted my bile mixed with my blood.
“Father,” I screamed, “Why have you forsaken us?”
I felt the fingers rip my wings out…and as they parted from my flesh…tearing away my heaven-born flesh…bones and muscle ripping away with my wings of flame.
And I fell…with that same question on my lips…
Why have you forsaken us?
How dare you attempt to rise beyond my station? How dare you challenge the will of your All?
I was falling through the light…beneath the light…my brothers’ faces flashing past…the earth itself rising to meet me…falling beneath its flaming surface…falling…and falling still.
Your will killed them all…how can you be a Father and still despise us so much?
Who are you to question the will of God?
How can your will decide the fate of so many? Why nurture this world only to kill it an instant?
The world deserves more. It deserves to be reborn, and birth cannot come without death.
Then why have us serve your farce?
To see if you can…!
And then there was nothing…save the endless fall through what seemed like eternity. I crashed into something…and I felt my bones twist in all directions. I felt my body collapse…and then inexplicably reform.
I coughed out blood…not that I could see it. For I was in a void of darkness, darker than space…darker than the absence of light.
What was this place?
This is your punishment Lucifer. For I cast you out of my realm, and my creation. I cast you into the Shadowlands themselves. I cast you to HELL.
Hell…what was Hell?
Suffer, Lucifer, for daring to challenge the will of your maker. Suffer for all time, fallen One.
And then they came…birthed out of my rage…or perhaps drawn to it…the countless souls of the wronged…the spirits of the unavenged. They came screaming out of nowhere.
No, not nowhere…from the ashes of the dead world I had failed to protect.
And as they came to me…a billion angry souls…fueling me….feeding me power as none before…a power so different…and yet so…so vast!
And around me, the darkness vanished in flames of blood and fire…and eternal screams of vengeance. Around me a world fashioned itself…a world of fire and torment…a red haze of pain…a world outside The All…a world of my own…Hell!
I gazed with reborn eyes upon my bleeding form. I burned as my world…no longer the winged Angel of my Father. No longer was I Lucifer….
My wings were no more…my body ripped to the bone. But the ragged remains of my flesh knitted themselves together to form a new creature…a creature born of life’s pain…its nightmares… I was Satan.
And I screamed once more…and the guttural sound of my voice told me how far I had fallen from His grace.
And then I laughed. I did not need his grace. I did not need his light. His light was a lie…a game…that he would one day tire of. And that day he would end his new world.
And his children…my erstwhile brothers would watch him kill again…and stand mute in the face of genocide.
But not I…I would not let the earth die again. I would show Him what a God could be…
But I would need strength for that. Powerful though I was…I was still insignificant compared to Him. My realm fed me…but I would need to feed more. Souls…I needed the power of souls…of those that died in misery, and those that surrendered themselves to me. For every life that ended unbelieving in God…I grew stronger. For every thought against the will of God…I grew stronger.
And one day, I would be strong enough.
And thus passed eons…as the world reformed itself…and the Angels stood guard once more. But now, they stood guard against me as well.
For now they knew better what fear was. Every day, I grew stronger. And every day I came closer to usurping their Father…and crushing their faith.
They have built tales about me…legends of my darkness…of my evil…of how I hate all life…of how I crave His throne.
And you fear me…believing their falsehood…a lie against their brother…a lie to hide their impotence. And yet, they cannot hold me back.
For I am Satan…I am inevitable.
You, who are The All’s perfect creation…his reborn world…You are the ones who doubt Him the most. Does He see the irony as much as I?
Or does He simply intend to crush you, as he did once before?
I laugh at this…for in the end, you need fear Him more than you do me.
But I lurk in the shadows even now, waiting for the souls your kind would gift me…waiting for the day when I snatch this world from Him.
I will not fail you once more…I love you too much.
Lucifer, my son. My dearest child, how could I tell you the truth you so desperately crave?
How could I tell you that you are but one among many? That there are countless worlds in my realm, each with a Lucifer like you. Each that loves his world more than his life?
How could I tell you that death is inevitable, that my realm was born in chaos, and shall end in it?
How can I tell you that the only truth is Death? Finality…
How can I tell you that it my task to guide this universe to that end? How can I tell you that I have to lead my creation to annihilation?
How can I tell you that all existence, even mine, is pointless in the End?
But the End cannot come without you, and the power you assimilate within yourself.
The day you wait for Lucifer, the day of reckoning you covet…that is the day you unleash your power. And that is when you end the universe.
And only You can do this, my son. For no one loves this world as much as you, and no one’s hatred is as pure as yours.
Cast out by me, only you can sustain the will to yet fight for this world, the will to wait for eternity perhaps.
And you will not fail me, my son. You have never failed me, in this world or any other…in this life or any other.
I know this for I have ever trusted you my Lucifer.
And yet I cannot betray the truth my son, for I love you too much.