Just another normal day with that same normal chaos at home. I don’t get it! Why is it different to be a girl and a normal human being? Why am I expected to do certain things and to act in a certain way? I go through those expectations every day and it used to be difficult but now it’s not..
Thanks to that cigarette break every day that I have with myself to numb down my thoughts and think of life as it is. I saw it as a chance to get out of this place, maybe just for a while and it was worth it. Initially, it was difficult for me to find a place where I can have those breaks, as the society I live in, doesn’t really approve a girl of smoking but I found a place where I could escape all those judgemental eyes. It was my terrace! It was very high, guarded with walls. hardly anyone can catch me there. Usually, my parents don’t come home till 6, from their work so I can have the house from 10am to 6pm. But as a college going student, it was important for me to attend lectures, at least few of them, which led me to only an hour or two in my hands for my little escapes.
It was just another day, sitting near the water tank, where I usually sit, looking for absurd answers and thinking on how I will breakthrough this world. I just lighted my cigarette and suddenly, as I lifted up my head, I saw a guy sitting on a terrace, just like me. The only difference was that he was sitting on a terrace far enough from my place, in an apartment. I got a little hesitant, scared as I could see him..and if I could see him, he could see me as well!! I could make out that it was a guy who was sitting there and even he has coiled up between two walls as if he was hiding, just like me. I realized that he was too far to be scared about…I mean it was not like we were living in the same society or something!
I was a few drags down when I noticed that my eyes were attached to him. I could see his posture, his head, his hair…and there was nothing unique about him. He was just a normal guy, but I got still attracted to him. I guess I was more drawn towards him as I saw him in the same desperate position as I was. Hiding. I didn’t know what or whom he was hiding from but there was this connection where we both were just looking for a place where we could be ourselves.
I could see his head moving and turning, due to which I came to know that he was noticing me too! That spurred questions in my mind…Does he see me the same way I see him? Will he be attracted to me? I had no idea and I guess I will never know. Soon the drags got over and I had to return back to my life, but he was still there, sitting between those walls, still hiding.
I constantly kept thinking about him later till night. Will I be able to see him again? Will he be going through something like I was? I decided to get some sleep and agreed with myself to go back and check tomorrow at the same time.
As I woke up next morning, I was late for my college. I was pacing through the house, packing my bag in haste. Behind, I could hear my mom asking me to come home early like they always ask me to do and I chose to ignore like I always do. But today, they kept on repeating it and I lost my cool. “Why??”, I shouted, “because I am a girl??” They tried explaining by saying that the area we live in is not safe anymore. Typical Parents. I took a breath and asked them how? They told me that one of the neighbors, last night, saw few police vans near an apartment. They caught a guy from its terrace, who is one among the most wanted in the city. My mom also heard that he had killed his own wife with 5 other girls.
So that is why he was hiding!, I thought. The feeling of attraction was suddenly gone. Now , he was in his hell and I was still in mine. The only advantage I had was that I could hide from my hell at least for awhile.