I never had longed to be alone,
I never had wished you to be alone.
But see how things ensued –
That you were forever alone…
You were my part – for three months –
Those pleasing three months,
Those crucial three months,
Those grueling three months,
That transformed both of our lives.
So…you were my part for three months,
When they split us apart…without letting me realize.
I avow – my child – I was unfamiliar.
And I too turn into a slayer.
How could I then – Dwell with those scoundrels?
I did – why? SOCIETY…
I had a son two years later,
A delight had they felt, and,
I died that day of ignominy.
And I wrote you every year
On the expected date of your birth.
Alas! I didn’t have an address…
Yet I wrote!
Although I could not see you grow,
But I buy a dress each year
Just for you – that to see,
How you might be budding somewhere.
Although I could not see you toddle,
But I had bought anklets for you
Just to see how those jingle,
When you would have danced.
Although I could not hear you chatter,
But I could see you – hop in my dreams – and-
Murmur gently in my ears, “Mummy…”
And I rouse out of the blue
Just to find – one murderer of you –
Slumbering by my side –
Anger maddens me,
Revenge tries to speak up,
But I keep shut for the son –
For whom you were eradicated.
It’s been twenty and five years,
And with all departing days,
Ire soared far above the ground.
If you were living,
You would have been my friend –
My adviser and motivation
So – I tell you –
This is the last letter I inscribe to you.
I can no more live with guilt –
Guilt of breathing with killers,
Guilt of letting them exist freely.
And the son – for whom –
My dear child, they took your life –
Stays neither with me nor with them,
He has his own life and a wife.
I loathe now everything in this world.
I have no affections, no adoration.
Yet I love you until the end of time
And I missed you for eternity …
I don’t know where will I go,
Will I continue or I end,
But one thing in no doubt –
I would be away from humiliation.
And since I had not let you see this life,
My child – I tell you – life is beautiful –
Close your eyes and whisper in my ears –
“Mummy” – and all world will be yours.
Nothing more can I write,
Except to say –
If you could – forgive me –
Your loving mother…