Poem on Life – Numbed in Darkness
Poem on Life – Numbed in Darkness
Photo credit: mantasmagorical from morguefile.com
Every morning, awakening with fresh hope,
I begin the day,
Getting out of bed,
Revelling in my success…
Yet, as the day passes,
And I bravely trudge on,
Doubt begins to creep up my veins,
Fresh hope inexplicably replaced by despair,
If only, I was stronger,
I wish for it every day.
Swiftly, the darkness begins to engulf me,
I’ve battled it for years,
Sometimes with victory and often the battle lost.
Gripped by a sorrow I couldn’t explain,
I have struggled for years in silence,
Often driven by the guilt of a privileged life,
When others have had none.
However, after all the weary years,
Neither praise or ridicule drive my soul,
I am a shadow of my former self.
Carrying an invisible burden,
The days go on,
At an agonizing pace,
Watching time run its tide,
Wishing it were slower,
Enviously gazing at the happier souls,
Wondering where the strength comes from.
Despite their hardships they go on,
Yet I pine over nothing and live in despair.
Where is the laughter in my voice?
Where is the love?
Where is the fire that once burned?
Who cut off the wings of dreams?
In a daze, I watch as the others speed by,
The numbness broken by moments,
Hued with guilt, when the loved ones remind:
Their voices resounding:
“Life must go on”
“Come on! Be strong!”
“Take the challenge…”
If only they really knew,
How hard I try,
Cursing myself internally,
“Why am I not them?”
Even the other world that once filled my soul,
Seems barren to me,
No longer have I heard the siren’s call.
Music, art, words cease to move me,
All I feel is but a gnawing emptiness,
Neither fear nor love but an obligation,
My limbs grow weaker with the struggle.
A desire for freedom drives me,
Indifferent towards failure or success.
My flaws cease to mortify,
I only wish for release and joy,
Within that multitude of people, work and life.
If only I knew, why the tears came,
Like stubborn, irrational children,
Banging naughtily on doors.
Why don’t they stop?
If only someone was there,
Not to change, but to reassure.
If only I melted into the air,
If only I was a free bird,
Up in the air without a care,
But the shadow continues to grow,
Cutting me off from whoever I know.
I no longer wish for life or death,
I only wish for release.
***
