Poems – There are days and more
Photo credit: Schick from morguefile.com
There are days
When I want to recoil in the coolness of my room….meet, talk and see no one
When I want to hear, see and feel nothing and just be numb
When I want to store the sad days and bitter memories in a casket and throw them away
I want to touch the pain of loss within me and wipe the hurt out for ever
I want to shut the sunlight out and feel the dark
In the dark, I want to face my fears and question the right of their existence in my life
I want to meet my darker side and paint it white
I want a trip down memory lane and make all the wrong things right
Want to tell people who hurt me…how they made me cry
I want to touch that throbbing pain and stop its ride
There are days when I don’t want to hear the footsteps or the birds outside
Give no answers and ask no questions
I just want to peep within and understand me
I want to lie on the cold floor and feel the coolness seep into my being
Want a space which I can paint as mine and scream into the emptiness of the night
There are days when I want the ache in my heart to melt away
And make it light and worry-free like a butterfly
Flitting from garden to garden with no memories of loss
Just an eternal lightness of being
But those days never come by..
And am left to fend for my heart which refuses to heal…
**
The trees, the bougainvilleas, the hedges and the house, they all whisper in groups
They stare hard at me, laughing, ridiculing and looking me down
The mango tree twirls like a little gypsy girl, mocking me with her smiles as she sways from one side to the other
She tells me a story of another time, where there lived a woman, who never smiled
She carried a heavy heart where ever she went, her frowns gave her creases on her forehead
Her eyes so deep that a storm would be lost, her sighs so frequent that time could stop
As I lie on my side and hear her tale, I wonder if its me, she’s talking about?
Have I started to enjoy wallowing in my grief. Am I addicted to being sad and looking at the negatives.
What I wanted so badly no longer gives me happiness. What I have left behind is what I yearn for.
Rueing my fate and destiny, being confused and all wrought up. Is life as difficult as I make it seem? Or I make it difficult with my impulses and dreams?
Why do dreams change once you attain them? Why is reality so different from the pages we turn?
Why can’t I be happy in things people enjoy? Why do I want more when I already have what I asked for?
Why do I want to feel free when I am tied? Why do I want to be tied when I am unrestrained?
Why do I want to loiter in the lanes of my childhood, where I am not held responsible for my decisions?
Can I get rid of my own skin and don a new role, which doesn’t expect me to perform like them all?
I just want to get lost in the crowd and be amongst the thousand faces which can’t be recognized.
I just want to go back and forget the dream, which has become a nightmare and is tearing me from within…
I wish I had courage to be laughed at, I wish I could just walk out and not look back
****
