As the sun went to hide behind the mountains, birds sang their songs on their way to their nests to hide. My heart broke into pieces. I tried to collect the pieces and patch them but flashbacks couldn’t let go of me. To ignore them I listened to regae music but the lyrics brought back what I was trying to forget. When darkness takes over the day it would also take over my heart. To keep the lights on I’d watch T.V all night. My beautiful wife thought that I was cheating on her, because I couldn’t share the bed with her anymore. The reason was that my mind would be in another country yet my body was right next to her, so she filed a divorce.
All this began after we had our first born son, as we tried to be honest to each other as best as we could. She is the one who brought my life right around. I was a dead man walking before we met, I slept wherever the night caught me, no job, no food and no house. I worked for money to buy alcohols but when she saw me, she saw intelligence through my eyes only a pity that she didn’t see the cruelty and cowardness. She gave me a home and supported me through the journey of getting back on my feet. We became friends and after 14 months a couple and then eventually got married. Now I own a supermarket which is already falling apart.
When I met with her, it was right after I was released from jail, after serving 20 years for murder, kidnapping and house breaking. She knew about this but never judged me. Only to find out after 5 years in our marriage when our son came on earth that she is the girl me and my friends killed her parents because his father couldn’t open the safe and give us money. A very big-headed stubborn man, we cut his legs but still he didn’t give us money. His wife tried to beg him to give us the money but he didn’t, he said, “this is my daughter’s future, you’d rather kill me for that!”. We decided to kill him and his wife and then leave with the safe. Before we left I saw Lisa hiding under the bed, I got her out of the bed and shot her 12 times thinking she’d point us. A very brave kid who didnt even cry seeing his parents get killed.
I don’t know whether I should say fortunately or unfortunately but she made it and woke up on comma. When she explained to me how much she struggled after losing her parents and got shot 12 times on her body, I could tell she still had too much anger. After we killed her parents she was adopted by her uncle who raped her many times and that uncle got arrested and happened to be my cell-mate and my friend.
I remember growing up, my grandmother used to say, “every choice you make in life will come back to bite you or rescue you somehow and Sometime”. I guess that was true and is still true, because I got haunted by things I chose to do when I was still a teenager.
Now that I am burning non-stop in my grave, I wish I could go back and apologies but unfortunately I can’t because I am no more. I committed suicide. What was I going to tell my wife? That I killed her parents and shot her 12 times?
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