Family Short Story – Finally, I found hope
Photo credit: cohdra from morguefile.com
I belonged to a lower middle class Hindu family living in hills of Himalayan ranges in India. However, my father insisted that I and my elder sister must pursue education in the most reputed convent English medium catholic school in our community which was the most expensive one.
My father, a private lawyer in a small town court, made effort to gather wealth but has now drifted away into a spiritual path. He lives with principles that he considers above anything that gives him all the confidence in the world and he can judge anyone of his or her character with a blink of an eye but his philosophy for getting best out of people is very blunt. He believes that criticism is what is needed to drive a person to his or her fullest potential. Due to this he drives away people and care less about it and now as he has chosen a spiritual path, is least concerned about getting wealthy and takes comfort in what he believes as the supreme gift of God. But he wasn’t always like that.
My mother once narrated me an incident that left me flabbergasted. So she told me that once she and my father were traveling in a bus with my sister when she was very young. My father spotted a female foreigner probably a traveler who at every stop would go out and smoke a cigarette and also that she was totally traveling alone. At that moment my father said to my mother that he wants to raise my sister like that foreigner, having same courage,confidence and living above social dogmas.
But that was a long time ago. Now what he wants is to marry my sister away as soon as possible and often preaches her about cultural boundaries and dogmas that he once considered dirt under his feet. This transformation from free thinker to a some what religious fundamentalist took its toll on my family. Family drama soon started to get out of control and my mother couldn’t comprehend with this changed nature. Arguments broke out frequently and lower middle class finance conditions made matter worse. My mother wanted to separate but couldn’t due to social stigmas and also because she was a mere housewife.
This feud haunted me along with my sister and we started to become more and more silent and introvert everyday. Finally my mother decided that if she can’t get out of this she could at least try to fulfill her dreams. She was held a postgraduate degree which she used to apply for teaching jobs at variety of schools. She landed couple of jobs but it payed too less. So she gave these jobs up till she finally found a temporary teaching job at a government owned school that gave a better pay. My parents had virtually separated,still living under one roof though.They still live under the same roof but not as husband and wife,they barely talk and I’m feel really relieved by this. This feud has stopped after a decade of fighting that everyone in the family suffered.
I don’t know what to make out of this. I still am trying to break this shell that I had created a long time ago to shelter myself from my parents.This shell is doing more damage to me as I am unable to communicate and socialize as I want to. My brain always tries to stop my heart when I snap out of my daydreams about love and happiness,and tells me it isn’t there for me. I once had love, but after so many years of torment my brain got accustomed to the thought that happiness is not for me as I never had it.
But on a very brighter side, I have found the best way of self expression and that is through written words. I can speak my heart out without argument, it’s nothing less than eternal bliss for me.
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