Its time, not to wake up but open my eyes. I had to move, had to go to the field as he won’t come. I knew the moment he looked at our child and gave her a kiss that he is not coming back. Why did he had to go? I ponder but all in vain. My mind knows the reason-he had to as he had honor.
He went to that war and they sent a letter to me after a month with condolences saying he is missing in action.
Who would tell them that he was a peace-loving being who could not hurt anyone. He never should have enlisted himself to army. What good did it do to him?
He is dead. I know he is.
I must remember him by his smile but why its blur now? Why don’t I remember him vividly like I used to?
He is just a memory now and I hate him.
My country calls him a hero and I hate him, not because he died. I would have died for our country as well but I hate him. It’s this hate I have yielded for him which makes his loss bearable.
I will open my eyes and go to the fields. I will not sleep hungry. I will not see tears in my daughter’s eyes. This never-ending pain in my chest will fuel my anger, my anger will fuel my strength.
I hate him and I will know the reason when he comes back but he is never coming back, is he?
I am afraid too, sh*t scared. What if we end up with no money? She is 5, my daughter. Where would she go? This place will tear her.
No, I will protect her, I will be a shield. I will open my eyes as he is not coming.
I am scared, I am crying but I will sob alone as my daughter can hear me.
It’s not wars I am afraid of but what happens afterwards haunts me as the horror of wars starts after it’s over.
My man is dead but I will open my eyes as a new day calls us.