I would like to start with an apology for writing this letter. I’m sorry, this might come to you as a shock, but I am having difficulty playing the role of your son. So, what I want is, to be relieved of my duties towards you.
You might be pleased to see me shine brighter than ever in my life, to see me successful in performing my duties. But that’s just an illusion. The truth is that I’m burning from within. While I do my daily tasks as if everything is normal, I am degrading, being eaten up by my own life choices. Reading this you would ask, “We gave you the free will in life, then why?”
Perhaps the blame goes to who I was since birth, an obedient child. I never questioned your decisions. I thought that so long as I do exactly as my parents direct, my life will turn out to be good. I never thought about pursuing my crazy adventurous dreams, rather I didn’t even let such dreams cultivate in the first place. I was an adult since as early in my life as I remember. Any gift you gave, I took it as a privilege, never asked for anything else as any child would.
I was the eldest of the generation, ‘the one to carry the torch of the family, the one who should understand his responsibility as a leader’, you used to say. Over the years I saw my cousins be born, grow up, move around at their will. Yet I stood still, anchored at my place, knowing or rather thinking that I was doing ‘the right thing’. Perhaps there was a time when they used look up to me as their inspiration and that used to make me feel proud. But now when I look back at them, all I feel is envy. I see them go places, interact with others, gain experience, evolve, be better versions of them. But me, I am the same, doing this same ambition-less job, perhaps even worse as my current mental state is clouding my judgement. All this just makes me regret my decisions.
One reason why I took up this responsibility was because I thought I was unique, special. I though I was the chosen one while I was under your insulated protection. But that was a lie. When I stepped out of your shadow, got familiar with the outside world, I realized that I was just a tiny drop in the ocean of many sons. There were others much bigger, successful, doing their jobs much better than I do.
Being a part of bigger world showed me the mirror. It made me realized how much ignorant and naive I am. It made me think of one more thing I needed but never asked for it, a sibling. It would have been nice to have a brother or sister, to grow old with, to gain knowledge, experience. To actually develop the sense of responsibility rather than blindly believing in the fiction you made me swallow. Having a sibling would also have relieved the burden off my shoulders, giving me my free space to pursue my ambition or at least dream about one. But it’s too late to ask for this.
Despite what the title suggests I am not giving up the duties a son must perform. I’ve done them so far, as best as I can and will continue to do the same. I don’t want you, my parents, to read this letter, but if you do, please understand that this letter is just for you to know my side of the argument if ever I throw any tantrums in the future.
P.S.: Thank you for reading till the end. If you have, then I suggest you to please read it again to get the full meaning of the letter. Sorry for the inconvenience.