A LETTER TO MY DEAD DAUGHTER
Photo credit: e_v_e_l_i_n_e from morguefile.com
Dear Beti,
How are you? I am always thinking of you and praying that wherever you are in this world you just be happy.
For all these years I have asked your pardon. I asked God to punish me for my sinful act. But it seems that my voice is unheard. My plea is unnoticed. Today the bridge of my patience and pain has collapsed and so I have decided to reach you. I need to talk to you my baby.
You remember the very first day of your coming? When you mom told me that we are expecting you. I was so happy. I was brimming with emotions of happiness. I felt at the top of this world, the same way I have felt when your mom came in my life. But this was more than that. A perfect joyous moment.
We had already decided your name. If you would have been a baby boy then we would have named you Arun and if you would have been a baby girl we would have named you Aashirya which means from the land of God. You don’t know all this, hai na?
But then that catastrophe. I took you to the hospital. Your mom was crying and pleading to not to do this. She was in pain. We all were praying that we don’t want you in our life. That devil examined you. There was a biological sort of pictures of yours on his screen. Somewhere at the depth of my heart I felt happy for you. I felt happy that you’ll be my princess. My beti! I knew it that you are a girl before that criminal doctor told me. It was as if you were speaking to me in your innocent and angelic voice, telling me that ‘Papa, I am coming in this world, your baby. But Papa I don’t feel safe here. Please take me home’.
“She is a girl. What do you want to do with her? Do you want to abort her? Extra charges are applied if you want us to bury her”
Oh God! Those dreadful words. I was shocked to hear them. My body was paralysed. He was telling me to kill my daughter. I was very angry but it was my mistake too that I agreed to take you there. I am sorry beti.
I decided to take you away, to take you home. But my parents stopped me. They had already decided your fate. Your exit from the world was decided before your entry in this world. I could not think anymore. It was as if someone stole my soul from my body. You would not be able to see this world, to play with those toys which brought for you, to eat those candies, to make friends, to fall in love, to marry. Everything and every single dream of mine which I had dream for you was shattering.
And then you were gone from my life, from our life. Your mom never forgave me and she also went you. I am sure you both are in heaven. And your mom is taking good care of you. I am happy that you have your mom.
Beti after all these years I sill miss you. I wanted you to come in this world but my weakness for that moment made me a killer. I am your killer beti. I killed you. I am very sorry beti.
I will not die beti, I won’t kill myself because that would be an easy death and not a punishment. I will suffer through all this.
I am sorry beti. Please forgive your papa!
Yours papa!
P.S)Papa always loves you beti!!!
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