It was 9.10 AM. Oh my god. I was sure about losing the last train. Need to wait for another 1hour for the next one standing in hot sun. I ran towards the station and somehow managed to get closer to the train. Could hear the voice of a small child screaming from behind. Saw the 2 month old kid crying to the core inside the train. In the heavy crowded train there was no oxygen for any of us to survive and definitely not for the kid. I felt like I should jump out of the train with that kid wanting for O2.
With a heavy heart I bided bye to the train and stepped out when my station came. On my way my thoughts were completely over the kid. I stepped inside MEPZ campus. There was a daycare on the entrance where number of kids were seen locked inside. Could hear kids scream outside. Horrible (felt inside). Entered office with all these thoughts. Got a call from home. “She is not feeling well. Guess you need to take her to hospital”. It was more of an order. This was my kid who was not well at home. I was totally speechless. “Ok will come back and see. Already we took her to hospital, so let us wait for another 2 days and if not getting cured will take her back. Had to reply to my defects as well. Defects of personal or professional?
It was 9 PM. Felt I would leave home and will take care of this new defect tomorrow. With a heavy heart not knowing how was my kid I stepped inside the train. Saw a kid crying for milk. The so-called mom(definitely not mom but some caretaker may be) took the milk bottle and handed it to the kid. Unknowingly the bottle slipped off from the kid’s hand and fell down. The lady grew angry and gave a huge slap on the kid’s back. It was a 2 yr old kid and I was scared will the kid stop breathing with that huge slap. Getting angry at the lady, I felt I should react now. I started scolding back at the lady. “Don’t you have sense to beat like this? What rights do you have upon the kid?”
To my surprise the lady didn’t utter any word. Struggled hard to sleep that night. My kid was up crying every hour with cold. Deep in sleep at 3 AM when she woke up again I was not sure what happened. Next day morning at 6 AM I saw her in deep sleep. I started doing my household work and was getting ready to go office. At 8AM she woke up. She was cured almost. Was playing with her for some time and was about to start office.
My mom came to me “Were you aware of what happened last night?”
With a puzzled look I replied “No”.
When she woke up at 3AM you were in deep sleep. Disturbed by her you started shouting at her. Do you remember how badly you scolded her? She is only 2years. She has cold. Do you expect a 2 yr old kid to understand that you are working and not disturb you at sleep? Why don’t you understand her when she is sick. If she is normal she would never disturb you. But at this time it’s your duty to take care of her. I don’t expect you to pick her up to calm her, check her, put her back down, rub her back etc etc when she is ill but atleast not to utter bad words in sleep. “
My mom gave a pause and went inside picking her up. I was standing helpless. Now where was my same motherhood that reacted before (shouting at the lady who bet the kid in the train, felt to save the kid without oxygen, pitied the kids in daycare, gave 20 rupees and some old clothes of my kids to a beggar with kid in the platform.) ? Questioning myself. After all it was a software motherhood with unfixed defects.