WAYS OF LOVE

• Look at your daughters and sons
• When you are not understanding them,
• When you are not believing them,
• When you don’t want to talk to them
• And forgive them… if they
• Did not realize your dreams.

– That’s all, – laughed Ben when his last banknote was lost. Women, tired of their too practical husbands were fond of his almost indifference to money. ‘’Don’t go. I have no luck without you’’,- muttered Nick thoughtfully looking at his cards. Money pile on the table was big enough, most of it was his and he was rather bad tempered man. Like for all men, having too much power his problems overpowered him long ago and he didn’t notice (or didn’t want to) that his solution of any problem in no time produced another and this made him nervous and angry. Ben didn’t think about it. Smiling to himself he mechanically watched the game. He always felt himself peacefully surrounded by his friends. Cards and hands moving on the table were not interesting him. He just listened as they sounded as if they had their own music. Suddenly music stopped.

• -Give my money back, ugly little dwarf!- pronounced Nick quietly from the top of his outburst.
• Jace’s face went red and his hand with money sunk in half a way.
• -Jace, please..,- called Ben.
• Nick already calmed down, but Jace was still pale with perspiration over his brow.
• -Goodbye, my friends,- said Ben mildly,- Glad to see you soon.

It was a beautiful day and he decided to walk. He walked through the city fair, the only place in city where it was possible to buy half sandwich. His mom went shopping here when he was child. Moving between showcases and hawkers, he eyed everything that could be sold. He was almost near his home when it began to rain. His features were pleasant, no doubt, but really handsome made him cheerful charm that overflowed him. He was very like his mother in all that; his father was just a country bumpkin.

Ben was women’s lover and no money could induce a man to do it so well as he did. Leading such life he could make more money if he wouldn’t prefer peace and confidence. His needs were rather modest, but he liked to swish in society. People were thing that interested him and people were thing he knew. He knew it like experienced seaman knows the sea or somebody grown-up in forest knows it, not because he studied it. He revealed these abilities in second class. Death of mom almost ruined his life then and Ben always avoided recollection. His father became grouch and found himself consolation in being very rude to Ben. Ben suffered much and once told it his schoolfriend Fred.

‘’This would never happened to you if you wouldn’t be a Jew’’,- noticed Fred thoughtfully, – ‘’Poor thing you are’’.

It was like throwing a ball into a room full of things. Thoughts began to fall on Ben’s mind and he couldn’t avoid or stop them:

• -My father is grouch because he is Jew.
• -Grown-up I shall be grouch too. Oh, no!..

He was tired and had a headache. After bad night he woke up late and came late to school. ‘’Stay after lessons to write down all your thoughts instead of keeping them in mind’’,- demanded the teacher. Ben opened his notebook and wrote:

• -There is nothing wrong in me.
• -I am Jew.
• -I am Jew, but there is nothing wrong in me.

Then he wrote: ‘’There is nothing wrong in my being Jew’’. ‘’ However Fred had another opinion’’ ,- considered Ben,- ‘’because Jews he knew were so. I haven’t to answer for other Jews! It is about me!’’. And he wrote: ‘’There is nothing wrong in my being Jew’’. Teacher came and looked at his writing: ’’Excellent. Goodbye till tomorrow morning’’. Next day Ben talked to Fred in a break-time:

• -Am I your friend?
• -Certainly.
• -May I be Jew?
• -Why not?
• -Am I worse for you being so?
• -Not at all.
• -Well, then there is nothing wrong in my being Jew, Fred.
• -Of course, not.

Ben met  Jace at club party. At the same party they were once introduced to each other. After coffee they sat at the table in upper room.

• -Explain me something,- asked Jace,- Why Nick is your friend?
• -He is an old friend of mine.
• -Ben!- exclaimed Jace, looking to his face,- It is poor explanation!

Ben smiled. Jace (Jacob) was short-sighted and not handsome at all. Being the only son in very rich family, he got an excellent education. He was a great snob and had confidence in no one except his family. Disliking society he believed his duty is to be in, he led rather tedious life and was puzzled by the first impression of Ben. Ben’s manners were perfect, but his ties were awful. However taking more confidence in Ben, Jace stopped to pay attention to his ties. Not wanting to associate with Nick, Jace made up his mind to convince Ben to do the same. Their conversation was long and peaceful and Ben little by little was agree with all Jace’s arguments. Party was finished, hall and rooms emptied. It was three o’clock at night.

• -I am tired, Jace,- said Ben rising.

Realizing his fail Jace frightened and forgetting his manners stretched out his hand as if he was able to hold Ben. Jace stayed in club till morning sadly looking over magazines. Week later Ben dined with Nick in a restaurant. Nick was drunk and noisy. Embracing his wife with the hand holding pile of banknotes he didn’t notice that he dropped one. Ben picked it up to give it back. Nick’s wife looked at Ben surprisingly and their eyes suddenly met. There is a moment in hunter’s life when his beast overpowers him. That was clear to Ben now and he put his finger under his tie knot to take a deep breath. Nick watched him. When Nick and his wife went to dance, Ben came in the bar to have a drink. Sitting and drinking he recalled his father and their last talk.

• -Why did you leave your home, Benjamin?- muttered dad with unusual tenderness; Ben rejoiced, but was mistaken.
• -Do you know who are you sleeping with rich ladies?- pursued dad with cunning smile.
• -I know exactly, who I am.
• -Shame of your family!
• -Close your book at last and look around yourself! I am just like anybody else.

Last words Ben addressed father’s back. At home Ben had another drink and lying on the bed began to think. His thoughts were dangerous, but didn’t scare him. He wasn’t schoolboy any more. Week later Ben breakfasted with Jace.

• -Your friend Nick is awful,- complained Jace,- He simply doesn’t bear my being Jew.
• -There is nothing wrong in your being Jew, Jace, no doubt.

Two days later Ben passed by Nick’s office and came in to greet him.

• -How are you, Nick?
• -Not bad. I have new office now. Want to take a look?
• -Why not?

In the office Ben sat down in an armchair and Nick remained standing. ‘’You are disgusting person, Ben, stealing my money, sleeping with my wife’’,- muttered Nick pulling out a pistol. His hand was awfully heavy. To his surprise Ben wasn’t scared at all and made no attempt to defend himself.

‘’Wait, Nick’’,- he began,- ‘’We…’’.

Nick didn’t allow him to continue. Hearing phone instructions Nick followed them carefully to be sure that ”He’ll never depend on such nonsense. He is too busy for that”.

Three months later Nick sat lonely in his office. His wife left him two weeks after Ben’s death without any explanation, disappeared completely from his life, but not from his mind. He thought then just for a moment: ”It would be better for me to allow Ben to finish his talk then. Never mind that!”. Jace couldn’t compel himself to come to Ben’s funeral. He felt so uneasy all the time that he decided for his own peace to visit Ben’s family. That was in remote part of city and took his time to find it. Girl opened the door. Her likeness to Ben took away all his distress at once.

• -Are you one of Benjamin’s friends?- she asked.
• -His only friend,- corrected Jace.

Sitting at the table he watched her with wonderful feeling.

• -Did you come to talk about Benjamin?- asked she.

‘’Not exactly’’, – he answered and took off his ring. ‘’This ring Ben presented me year ago’’,- he lied,- ‘’ It is too dear to me now, but I think you need it more’’. When he went down the street his walk was lighter than ever as if his wings lifted him.

__END__