“Based on a real life experience!”
The next day was my birthday. I was very excited! I would be 14-year-old the next day but for my parents, there was something even more special- My Marriage.
‘O God! I love you more than everything… Tomorrow my chastity will solely be owned by my man. I pray that you make me the most devoted wife and may I shall bear his children to sow the seeds of glee that shall make our family beautiful and kind!’ I prayed. My marriage was arranged very quickly. My brother married my Uncle’s daughter and in exchange I was to be married to my Uncle’s son. It is traditional practice in India, locally often called, ‘Maatta Kalyanam.’
At school, I was liked by most of my teachers. I wasn’t brilliant but I loved books… I always found pleasure in earning knowledge by lending time. My grandmother often used to say, ‘It is divine to get married and bear children of your man… This is the only way to God, little angel! And not the dead books!’ I tried disliking my reading habit many times but I bitterly failed in all my attempts. Now my parents had finally pulled me off my school, I felt sad but I am contented as I strongly believed that I shall become only divine with my man.
The next day I woke up early and did my morning prayers. The early sun had the thud of celebrations and crowds of people joyously relinquished the day. I remained calm and peaceful all the time, praying to God Almighty to bless me on the advent of this journey. I was married. My husband, Rieam was good man. I felt lucky for I got married to someone whom I knew for so long, my cousin. However, things did not turn up good with his job as he was asked to leave soon. He appreciated my maturity in taking the lead role in making arrangements for his travel and consoling him. I did not feel very lonely or deserted when he left for his job to Dubai, a week after our marriage, but I missed him… My heart silently ached for him to be back! I took good care of his parents, my uncle and aunties. He had two mothers better to say that his father married twice. I made them happy and loved them evenly!
A year had passed and it was almost time for my husband to be back. My heart shuddered with eagerness of a flower to be ticked by a bee. I did not know why but I craved to see him. I had sleepless nights and whenever I slept I just saw him before me. On his arrival day, I prepared all his favorite dishes which I had curiously ripped off his mother. There was nothing which satisfied me, I kept on making things better to welcome my husband. It had been 365 long days since we last met… I could have calculated it in seconds but I was poor in Math… I tried hard to conceal my blush but my mothers sensed my commotion and rejoiced it. I was very tired and my mothers forced me to take some rest in the afternoon while they went to buy some favorite of my husband’s candies.
‘Rieam will reach here only by evening! There is plenty of time left… Take some rest for now my dear,’ they laughed. I turned red and ran so into the bedroom. I laid there dreaming while my eyes drooped. ‘You are just few hours away from me…’ I muttered. I was dreaming of the day when he came to see me, when he first touched me… I was blushing even in my sleep!
I opened my eyes slowly and got scared out of my skin. I screamed aloud and no sooner I got embarrassed of my abrupt reaction… I got intimidated seeing my father-in-law right before me. I pardoned him and I enquired if my 63-year-old father had developed any uneasiness to have approached me at this time.
‘O dear, I am upset. I tried to push through my desires but I cannot resist.’
‘What makes you so upset? Do you want me to help you Uppa (Father)? Are you okay?’
‘I am okay dear. Reiam said that he shall take you away this time when he comes. I shall be deserted then. There is no one to look after this poor man. No one to care for me!’
‘I shall speak to him to settle here soon.’
He looked into my eyes and inspected every inch of me. I was getting very much embarrassed of his carelessness when he abruptly said ‘I can’t think of you being with another man… Don’t leave me alone. Be with me forever and leave him. I shall look after you, my angel.’
I was shattered and I drew myself aback in aghast fear. Hot tears tickled down my cheeks, I even felt my heart thrashed and blood gushed heavily through the orifices. He groped me. I resisted. I cried… I screamed… but I felt too fragile. Nobody heard me. After all, how much can a 14-year-old resist a powerful man? My chastity was robbed off me by an animal who did not spare to ponder his brimming delight over me until his wives reached home. They rushed towards me and covered my nakedness with clothes. There was cry of pain and agony but I stayed there still like a dead corpse waiting to be buried.
My husband came home in the evening. For a moment, I hoped the man whom I waited too long to be dead now. But, I ran to him like a stolen toddler that returns to his mother to seal off the pain. He stood like a rock and commanded, ‘Either get married to Uppa (Father) or I will sent you back home.’ It wasn’t him but some gravity inside my bruised, bare body that jostled me away from him. The fire in my eyes dried my tears and burned his insanity. Without another word, he took me back to my home. All were startled at the news, I remained in my lunacy. Within a few months, I was ruthlessly married off again. In another two years, I became mother of two children. His drug addiction made him an animal and just being a sex tool disturbed my mental state even more. I ran away from there too. At home, I was regaining my equilibrium. He dashed home one day in search of me.
‘A wife is obliged to submit herself before her husband. I accepted your flaw of having borne of a child from your first husband’s father… and now you should do everything to fulfill my desires…’ he barked.
My parents and my brother began to persuade me to go back remarking that my decision to come back was made in haste. I resisted. My children and I were already a burden to them but yet I refuted to go back with him. Agitated by my resonance, my husband fasted his claws around my neck and arms and dragged me to his home. Everyone at my home gave a silent consent nod to his action. No one confronted him. I was like a helpless cattle pushed to an abattoir to be slaughtered. I was locked up in the attic. It was opened only when my husband had untethered desires to quench his thirst on me. On the seventh day, I was almost dying without food and I drank the water from the closet to console my thirst. My husband’s erotism had aroused when he slowly slipped into the dark room at night. In my agony, I slashed my fist on his face and ran off the home like a helplessly caged bird in search for light and freedom. People chained me and brought me back home where my parents sympathized me for their mistake of sending me back. This time, he did not come to pull me away back to his niche, but I was pregnant. I finally gave birth to my third filthy child.
The very glimpse of my children disturbed me inwardly. I hit them, I tried to kill them… but all went in vain. My first son was sent to a Muslim orphanage/ ethihaana as it was not affordable to look after him. My second daughter was adopted by my brother to receive the financial support that I was receiving from an NGO and of course money was alien to a lunatic like me! The third child was with me. She was like a butterfly. She chirped and played with the trees, flowers, and animals. My princess loved rain! It was her hobby to peck out silently and enjoy the rain and come back.
One day, she had a terrible fever and I warned her to not to go out in rain. I kissed on her forehead saying, ‘My angel! You are the only one I have with me. Don’t go out in rain!’ But as I stepped out of the room, she strolled outside and I happened to see it. Dark clouds blinded my eyes and my conscious was taken over by an animal tinge of revenge and hatred. My heart said, ‘Just like her ex-father-in-law who raped me against my will… even this little filthy brat is…’ My blood heated to boil and I turned wild as I grabbed her and hit her with a wood log on her head. My arms could not resist hitting even an inch of the little toddler’s body until my mother screamed at me. I thought her skull cracked and she died but no! She survived in the ICU after 10 days. I was taken to an asylum sooner. I stormed at everyone around. I still remember lying down motionless on the floor, deserted by all after an electric shock therapy.
I was brought back home again after my little angel begged my parents to bring her mother back to her. So lovely an angel she was! I hugged and kissed her… We cried together and loved each other. I thanked God for not taking her away from me. She was my only happiness… only joy! One day, I took her to the shower. I loved to tend her and make her laugh. It made me happy and tended my wounds. As I slowly washed her tender body, she laughed fiercely, just like my drug-addicted animal husband used to… It felt like the blood gushing through my eyes and her voice digging deeper into my ears choking my bones. I barked at her like a witch. She grabbed me around started kissing me in tears… ‘Umma (Mother)… I am sorry! I love you so much…’ Her tears failed to wash away my gush of indignation. I grabbed her with her hair, and hit on bathroom tile till she was motionless and breathless. Everyone came and pushed me off. My agitated brother choked me and stamped hard on my stomach. I gloated in pain. Regaining my conscious, my tearful eyes rummaged for my princess whom I had ruthlessly thrashed. She was rushed to the hospital.
‘But… She was my child… What wrong did she do! God… What have I done……….! O’ God! Save my child… Save her from her evil mother…’ I wailed.
She was in a very critical condition in the ICU. My parents taunted me and did not allow me to even see her in the hospital. I cried every day before God to save her from her misery. She resurrected from the hospital giving me my senses back again. She was brought back home. I felt her tiny eyes wanting to still come back to her mother. I just stared at her from far away; her sight gave me prickly skin and thud in my heart. I was trying to reach her and touch her arms but she wailed away. I just wanted to touch her one last time! I felt heat in my arms when my arms drew close to her.
‘She will be taken to the Girls’ Orphanage tomorrow. It is not affordable for us to look after you and your children.’ My brother said staring straight into my eyes. ‘She is vulnerable here with you,’ he added.
I nodded my head looking at my blood waiting to be torn off from me in another day. I moved to her unconsciously to touch her and affectionately kiss her. I wanted to cuddle her for this was the last night between her and her insane mother. My brother quickly dropped in between and punched on my face. My child screamed and rushed to tend her mother when my father ordered her to be taken off to the room. I cautiously got up from the floor, slightly bleeding from under the lip. I reluctantly went to the bedroom and prayed for the good of my child. I felt happy for I knew that she will not be harmed anymore by her mother. But, my heart was drenched in pain for being a failed mother. All I knew was that I loved her unconditionally but now I had to let her go because there was an animal inside me!
Next day, my eight-year-old little angel was dressed up like a princess. She was all set to leave her dear mother, although unknowingly. As she got into the car with my brother, her eyes panicky ferreted for her mother. I ran to my room refusing to bid her bye. When the engine started off, a sudden fear groped me. I ran outside like a freted animal but the car was far off my reach… I wailed and cried bitterly cursing my fate of not taking a last look at her! All I wanted to was to just kiss and cuddle my little angel…!