CHAPTER SEVEN
I lit a match!
On line dating it was. I lit a match under my own rear end and chose a popular website and made a profile. Within days I had lots of people wanting to chat. I will be the first to tell you, there are a lot of weirdoes out there. You can chat all day with people, but you have to be selective about who you choose to actually meet. Never give out your address or phone number until you feel safe and always meet in a public place.
I went on a few dates. Nothing really serious, just dinner or a movie. Then I started chatting with a fireman from a nearby town. He was divorced, two grown kids and we hit it off right away. We chatted on line for weeks before we even spoke on the phone. We had tons in common right away. He was more gun-shy than I was. He cancelled meeting me twice! The third cancellation would have been his last chance but he didn’t cancel. We talked, laughed and watched some movies. A few weeks after meeting in person I asked him if he wanted to move in. He was there all the time anyway and I was finished playing games and wanted someone to fill that void in my life. Bonus that my daddy adored him! He moved in and as they say… the rest is history.
It was another few months of just living together and Mike told me he wanted to make it official. I didn’t care one way or the other. Having two failed marriages to the same guy had soured me on weddings. But Mike is Catholic and his conscience was getting to him. So we decided to carry on one of his family traditions and we got married on the bride’s birthday. That was 2008 and we are still going strong and loving life to this day.
We settled in to married life and our routines. In the middle of 2010, again our worlds would flip upside down. Mike’s dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. Same as my mom. Without hesitation we moved Sonny in with us and that is where he stayed until he passed away just after Thanksgiving. We took turns staying up with him at night because he would try and wander out of bed, not knowing where or even who he was. He went downhill fast but we promised him a good home cooked Thanksgiving dinner that year and by golly we had it. He wasn’t able to eat and it was more going through the motions but that’s what he wanted. Mike took it hard. I took it hard. My daddy took it hard too. I didn’t realize how much he had grown used to having another ‘old guy’ in the house.
It was a short month later that my dad had to be admitted to the hospital. He was nothing if not stubborn! His legs were swelling terribly, he wouldn’t take his medicines right, he wouldn’t elevate his feet. I guess he was just tired and ready to be done. He refused to go to the hospital. I begged and pleaded with him until he finally agreed. I called an ambulance and I told Mike he was never coming home again. Sadly, I was right. That was near the end of December 2009. We went every day to see my daddy. He told me he wanted no one to know he was there. He was sinking fast and Alzheimer’s took his mind rapidly, but he knew enough to know he didn’t want people to have that as their last memories of him. One day we had picked up the grandkids and stopped by the VA to see my daddy before heading home. I went in alone rather than drag the kiddos. I walked in and my daddy smiled the biggest smile ever and asked who I was. I choked back my tears and said I was just there to check on him. He told me that I barely caught him because he was working for Santa Claus later. Then he told me how he drives a cab during the day. My daddy was a cab driver after the war, many… many years ago. I said my goodbyes and then walked out into the hall where I pretty much lost it. Every last emotion came pouring from my eyes. Three nurses came over to help me. I cried so hard. I knew it was a matter of days.
We spent the weekend with the kids and then on the way back home stopped to check on my daddy. He was doing poorly. He aspirated and got choked and wasn’t as alert as he had been. They told me I needed to transfer him to a nursing home. NO I DON’T! But they told me there was no way I could properly care for him. He was too heavy for me to lift alone and would require constant supervision. I didn’t care. I was never putting him away like an old shirt you outgrow. That was my daddy. Mike and I went home and talked. There was nothing I could do but break my promise to him. As terrible as it made me feel, I knew it was the right thing to do. I had to let him be taken care of. I had to give up control. I made some calls and got him into a home here in Cameron. Mike and I went to see daddy. He was in bad shape. We went home and I told him I had to go back. I said I just know it will be soon. Right at that time his doctor called to tell us to come. I told him we were just leaving. We spent about an hour with my daddy. They moved us to a private room and about five minutes later he was gone. I was devastated. We sat with him a while. I didn’t know what else to do. My daddy was my rock.
A couple days go by and I was on line to tell some family about daddy. Went to Myspace *how old do I feel typing that!* and my ex-husband’s girlfriend had posted that there was a fresh grave in Belton. Just merely thinking that would make a normal, sane person feel bad… but to actually make that a public posting after someone’s father dies? That is inhumane. And that is how it began. Her mission… to try everything possible to upset me and desperately seek out a fight where there shouldn’t be one. I had been divorced at this point for over 2 years. I didn’t want him. He was no prize. But if she feels he is the best thing since sliced bread, more power to her. I even had wished them well at the beginning of their relationship. I suppose being a grownup was a foreign concept to them.
So to recap, I divorced, remarried, lost my new father-in-law and my own father all within a matter of a couple of years. Any one or two of these things would shake anyone’s foundation… let alone all of these major life changes happening to the same person. I think back and I am amazed at myself for being able to hold it together during this chaotic crapstorm of a life.
Chapter Eight
Cyberlife of the lifeless
The Myspace crap went on for a while. I am sure I posted things I shouldn’t have and would not be proud of doing… but after a while I got bored of the whole thing and moved on. They have not. To this very day, each and every day, she posts something in regards to me being a lying, cheating, whore or how my weight keeps me from participating in life. You know, back in middle school, I remember girls being catty like this when boyfriends changed like clothing fads… but this woman is older than me. She should know better. She should act better. I honestly don’t care if she likes me. I don’t live my life to please her or him… but constantly being attacked is enough to make the sanest person feel a little batty.
After a few months of the infamous Myspace Wars… I thought it was all over and done with. I moved on. I didn’t even use Myspace anymore. I changed jobs and went to work at a local car dealership. Completely different from the medical field and I felt like a duck out of water. Now I am completely at home selling cars and writing up contracts. I joined Facebook and reconnected with some friends and family. I was enjoying my ex-less life when all of a sudden that world came crashing down. I was chatting with an old high school friend. She asked if I knew so-and-so. I said she was my ex-husband’s girlfriend, why? She said I needed to look at her Facebook. I figured at most there was a comment or two about me. Boy oh boy, was I ever wrong!
First, let me say this… I had taken a fall at work down some stairs, breaking my right arm in three places and busting my head open on the gravel parking lot. An ambulance was called and I spent nearly 12 hours in the ER. My husband took some pictures and put them on HIS Facebook page, mostly for my boss who was out of town but also to tell my family I’d been hurt. Well, color me shocked when I saw those very pictures on so-and-so’s Facebook page with the caption reading “CRACKHEAD”. They had totally sniped his page. I went on to read about me being the whore of Babylon and how awful of a person I am. I said it before… don’t like me … but what is the point of all this? Yup, just to try and hurt me. So once again, I tried ignoring it. But knowing you are the constant butt of every vile thing that someone spews is hard to ignore. I checked her page again. And again, awful — just awful things about me and pictures of me and my family with things said like we are from the movie Wrong Turn and other nasty things. Words, just words right? Well, bullies aren’t just on the playground anymore and people need to wake up about that.
I retaliated. Am I proud? Nope. Did it help? Nope. Will I do it again? Probably. Unless and until your every move has been followed and twisted around to fit the sick desires and needs of the insane, you will never know what it feels like. Then it went to a whole new level. Pictures of my workplace being posted. Pictures of my house being posted. Creating fake Facebook pages after I blocked them. Befriending people I went to school with. Joining MY high school yearbook page group. Sending me friend requests. Sending my family friend requests. Sending my friends requests.
I can tell you from research, they apparently Google my name daily and wherever I comment or visit on the web that leaves a trail… they are there to sniff it out and leave their 2 cents worth. I commented on a recipe page only to have snide remarks left directly after me about not knowing how to cook. She used her real name for all this mind you so it’s not coincidence. I was commenting on a radio stations website and she would be there to dispute or disagree with my comments…. So much so that the radio station banned her from commenting!
She threatened that she had my medical records and would plaster them online. She claimed to have letters to my on line love affair that she would post for the world to see. I don’t know if she did or didn’t… it’s been so long since that happened it could all be stuff they made up and typed for all I would remember now.
Her on line veil threats began to escalate. She needs more than paper targets now… she’s ready for two big targets… wonder if a giant body would fit in back of her truck… she is plotting the deaths of people in another county… etc. I researched some stalking laws and decided it was time to make a report. I called and an officer came out right away. He was mortified at some of her ramblings. I admit a lot of it is childish, I’m better than you, mentality but when you read the words “plotting their deaths” it makes you stop and think. How many women have taken the approach of just ignore it? How many abused women? We can argue abuse all day long because he denies to this day and that is fine. I know exactly what I went through and his admitting it won’t make it easier to carry that baggage. The officer took my report.
He suggested I keep copies of everything she posts about me. His other suggestion was to create a new Facebook page under an assumed name. Well, I am not a tech genius so I did so using a movie character name. Within one day my ex-husband had sent me a friend request. ONE DAY! Turns out I had a couple of not-so-friendly people in my ‘friends’ list on Facebook. I will warn you now… your privacy is only as strong as your weakest friend’s privacy settings. I was no tech genius but I’ve learned a few tricks dealing with these stalkers.
I have proof, black and white, honest to God proof that she is stalking me. I have an entire week’s worth of copies where every time I changed my Facebook profile picture, she changed hers to match mine. Some of the pictures are disturbingly accurate, right down to the tilted head.
I also learned to change passwords often, be selective on who you tell things to and Google your name and variations on your name at least monthly. You might just be surprised where all you see yourself. The World Wide Web is a stalker’s paradise. They can find out things about you that you didn’t even know. And my stalker uses every last item she can find and/or create to bait me into fights. Some days I just have to take a step back and remind myself, she is not worth my time or energy to worry over.
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