I will quit smoking

“Forty five sticks per day are like burning your own funeral pyre.” Bhavna said.

“See, people do smoke and literally I don’t have any problem with smoking.”  She added.

“Oh… really?” I muttered

“Yes Cheeku. I am not going to judge you by that.”

“Don’t call me Cheeku. That was my childhood name” I protested mildly.

“Hey, it is a cute name and it suits on your chubby personality”

“I am not fat”

“Well… ya I never said you are fat… Cheeku” she teased me again and pulled my cheeks.

“I am trying to quit.”

“Quit or not quit but your emotional dependence on cigarettes will take a heavy toll on your health.”

“All right that’s it! I am going to quit it and start going to gym from tomorrow.” I declared to end the discussion.

“Great! Switch off the light and good night”

“Oh… good night” I switched off the light and replied with dampened enthusiasm. I was expecting my reward on such a big commitment but my wife seemed to be in a different mood today. I decided not to test her temperament and sleep early today. The visit to the hospital has not been a great one today.

I looked at the mobile and it was showing eleven thirty of the night. I reset the alarm from seven fifty five to five fifty five.

“Big move” I said to myself.

 

Trrrrring…. Trrrring.

I have set the harshest tone of the alarm to get up easily in the morning.

“Only five minutes more” I said to myself and snoozed the alarm.

Trrring…. Trrring

It seemed it rang just after five seconds, snooze was no relief and I was unable to wake up.

“You can switch off the alarm now. I am wide awake” my wife said from the other side of the bed with her eyes still closed.

“What a comment” I said to myself and marvelled at the sarcastic ability of all the females of the world.

I reminded myself of my commitment and managed to drag myself to the bathroom. Guided by the habit I picked the cigarette packet from the window sill of the bathroom and was about to light one when I heard, “Are you sure you are quitting from today?” It was Bhavna again.

“Oh… ya… I am” I mumbled, kept the packet back and sat on the pot.

Those fifteen minutes were pretty tough. I kept on staring at the pack and was unable to take a smooth dunk.

“I survived” I said to myself while moving to the other chore of cleaning the teeth.

“I stay awake for around sixteen hours. Two hours for eating and other activities. So that means I smoke around three cigarettes per hour.” I calculated while gargling.

“So… phreeeewwww” I spurted the water out of my mouth and continued, “Each hour of restrain means three sticks less”

“Hmmm” I confirmed my maths while wiping my face.

 

“Hey! Good morning sir!” Nayan, my gym instructor, was elated to see me.

“Hello Nayan” I replied.

“Let’s hit the tread mill sir” he is quite efficient and directed me without wasting any time.

“Five minutes of walk, five minutes of running  and again five minutes of walk” he reminded me of the schedule which was set three months ago.

“Ya, sure”

The tread mill was a piece of cake especially with the LCD screen on it. I got absorbed in the financial news and completed the first round.

“Arc trainer sir” he came to me as soon as I got off the tread mill.

“Hmm” It was the maximum I could reply.

There is no LCD on an arc trainer and it is very boring but the first day’s enthusiasm took over the boredom.

“Cycling now sir”

“Hain? You want to kill me on the first day Nayan?”

“Don’t worry sir we have a stretcher and an ambulance for any emergency”

“It better has diesel in it” I said and started cycling.

After first two minutes of resistance my legs got used to it and I could manage it at the speed of ten rotations per minute when she arrived.

I didn’t know the name of the lady but her black sleeveless sports-wear reminded me of my previous night’s disappointment. She came, she saw and she started cycling next to me.

I raised my neck to check the speed, “Hmm… eight..huh… just a pretty female”

After about two minutes I raised my neck and saw the speed was ten.

“Oye… she is trying to compete or what?” I increased my speed to eleven, not to mention I was already pursy but a man shall never lose a competition of physical strength to a woman.

After two painful minutes I managed to sneak a peek again, “Twleve… she is a devil!”  And I increased my speed to twelve.

It was only eight minutes passed on the cycle and seven yet to survive when my eyes broadened with disbelief, “fourteen???” I saw the reading on her meter.

I immediately slowed paddling and it stopped after awhile.

“You should only play the game which you can win” Tsun Zu and his art of war spoke in my mind and I got down from the cycle.

“Sir, light weight exercise now?” Nayan asked

“Do you have a crematorium too?” I asked

“No sir, why?”

“We will wait till you get one. Rest of the exercise tomorrow” I said and hurriedly left for my home.

I was already feeling a big winner.

“One full hour awake and no cigarette plus so much of exercise” I was smiling to myself in my bathroom mirror. I pulled out my t-shirt, sucked my belly in and imagined my toned-up body in admiration.

“Cheeku…huh!”

“If you have seen yourself enough in the mirror why don’t make two cups of tea. I want to sleep a bit more” Bhavna called from the bed.

I almost checked the bathroom’s ceiling and walls for a hidden camera. Wives sometime happen to know too much of your routine!

“The tea is marvellous. So how’s your commitment?”

“Madam, I have given you my word. A man’s word is worth more than anything. It has been seven and a half hour without a single drag” I replied.

“Are you counting your sleeping time too? Anyways… let’s see how the day goes” she said and got up to make breakfast.

“No kiss? Not even on the cheek? Huh… I will fight for my love!”

I got up to get dressed. I pulled my X-ray report from the drawer to have a look at it once again. It was showing signs of danger. I pulled out the receipt of my insurance cover and health cover and kept it in her drawer.

“I am sure I will quit smoking my love” I fastened the tie in front of the mirror and repeated my commitment once again.

__END__

STATUTORY WARNING: Cigarette smoking is injurious to health