Life As I Dream
[Chapter-13]
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When my life has shown some signs of improvement, Sujit has made some fresh wounds. It’s not that I was interested in him. But I thought he was a good friend and he proved me wrong.
I was cribbing to my brother on phone. Ravi came, knocked my room & said ”Sandya. You have left your laptop on hall. Someone is calling you over skype every few minutes. Can you do something about it?”
I ended the call & came back to hall.I access laptop from hall as the Wi-fi connection is better there. It was Bindu trying to reach me. She has called me ten times. No wonder Ravi is annoyed. There is a message to call her urgently, so I call her.
“Hey what’s up Bindu”
“Where were you? I’m trying to reach you for half an hour..”
“Was busy in another call. Tell me..”
“I don’t know whether you know this or not…But I wanted to tell you. Check this link…”
“It’s a facebook link. What to do you want me to check?”
“Check it fast….”
“It’s Yam’s profile ……What she is married? Hey no……………..”
I shouted on top of my voice & started crying. I didn’t care about Bindu waiting in the call or Ravi staring at me. I couldn’t digest this piece of information…Yams has married Vineeth…My Vineeth……
They are smiling beautifully in the photo & she is holding his hands. The very hands which I used to hold, the hand where I slipped on the engagement ring…..I couldn’t control my tears…
“Are you alright? Any bad news? “Ravi asked after few minutes.
Amidst my sobs I told No. I don’t know really recall how it started, but when I came back to my own self I found myself crying in Ravi’s shoulder and talking to him. I guess I have told him everything from the moment I met Vineeth, till our separation.
“Sorry Ravi..Thanks for…” I managed amidst tears.
“It’s okay…”
“My life sucks…I don’t know why this is happening to me…..”
“Hmmm….”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do in life…”
“Sometimes you need not know. Just accept that. If you understand what you are going to do next moment that’ll be enough…”
“Come on..I don’t know that too ..….”
“I know what you are going to do. You are going to have a good cup of coffee…”
He made me a coffee and handed over to me. I was rambling to him again. My sense has totally failed. But I went on & on…I remember Ravi giving me some sleeping pills and asking me to sleep.
It was bright when I woke up next day. My head was heavy and I felt terribly weak. I couldn’t move my legs. Oh god! The memories of previous day came back to me. Vineeth….Yams..Me crying my heart out to Ravi.
Why was I crying? Vineeth is my ex now..he can do whatever he want right? But how will he live with Yams? Come on she won’t suit him…Why does it matter to you…. asked my mind…
“You woke up? Thought I heard a sound…” asked Ravi standing outside my room…
“Yes…Than….”
“Stop thanking me. Refresh yourself & come. I was worried because you didn’t wake up till this time…”
It was 11.30. I should be in office..
“I told the client you will not be in today…Don’t worry on that part” Ravi added.
I freshened myself & came out of the room. I was feeling hungry also. I found Ravi in kitchen. He gestured me to sit in dining table.
“I have made some bread toast & coffee. I don’t know what you eat generally…”
“You took leave today?”
“No..I’m working from home.. This project is getting bit monotonous to me. All I do is talk with folks back in India, that I can do from anywhere..Didn’t want to leave you alone today…”
Tears came back to my eyes. I could no longer control myself.
“It’s time to move on Sandya..No use crying over something that has happened. Stop all this self-pity….”
“I have moved on Ravi. It’s tough sometimes, you won’t understand it. And I don’t pity myself…”
“Yes you do…. “ said Ravi. He spoke in a very firm voice.
“No. You don’t understand………….”
“Do you know that you were crying for nearly two hours? You told me everything that happened to you…. Now tell me something Were you interested in Sujit in first place?” Ravi asked. Even in my weak state , I was shocked that Ravi asking something personal to me.
“Did I tell you about Sujit also?..No I wasn’t interested at him..”
“Yes. If you weren’t self-pitying you would have told him that. Instead you told him you were a divorcee…Why? To make him understand? …. No…You are unknowingly inviting sympathy…”
“Shouldn’t you be truthful?”
“Oh yeah. Tell me something. Why did you marry Vineeth?”
“What??? I loved him and I think in some way I still love him too…”
“I’m not asking about that. But you knew Vineeth’s mom before marriage right & you knew he was almost worshipping her right? What made you to marry him?”
“I thought he will change…..”
“Yes. You loved a person & later discovered he is not the person you thought. You should have broken the relationship there. Instead you wanted him to change. You didn’t love his true self at all…..”
When I didn’t respond to him for sometime , he continued ” Sorry ,Sandya You only told me all this yesterday. This is not the right time to talk harshe. But someone has to show you the ugly mirror right? “
“I don’t know what to say…..”
“You took a decision which was correct to you. But still you are looking for acceptance…..You are crying now because your ex has moved on. You are just struck……..You have to start believing you are the best & deserve only the best. Till then you will end up having emotional attacks”
After sometime I wiped my tears and said “I can’t believe I’m talking to you. We hardly spoke till yesterday…”
“I’m not generally talkative. Yeah I generally see things in black and white without emotions. Probably that’s why I understood what you were going through….”
“Do you think I shouldn’t have come out of the marriage is it?”
“You are again seeking acceptance here….No…I think you escaped from lifetime of un-happiness & took a right decision. You don’t deserve this treatment. But just wanted to point out that you could have avoided this marriage…Probably keep it in mind next time…”
“Next-time…I don’t even know…”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know even know what to do next. Sometimes you never know. Till then just ….Lets have a good cup of coffee”
He again made me a cup of coffee & we started talking.
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