It is never too late to try again!

This story is selected as Editor’s Choice

This was not supposed to happen to her thought Manju with a feeling of despair. Having a crush when you were 40 was not something that happened to normal women.

“I am a mother of two teens and I love my husband, then why do my eyes keep searching for Tarun?” she thought in despair.

As she gazed longingly at Tarun who was sitting across the canteen, she could feel a blush creeping up her face.

Manju was feeling really confused and really embarrassed but somehow she could not seem to control her rampant crush.

“Thank God! At least he doesn’t know how I feel” she thought to herself as she stirred sugar into her coffee with more vigor than required. Manju knew that at 40 she was hardly the kind to be what today’s youth considered “hot”. Blessed with regular features, hers was the kind of looks that grew on you; the more time you spent with her, the more you realized how pleasant she was to look at and the best part of this was that Manju was not aware of this.

Like many women, she considered her plump figure to be unappealing and considered her looks below average. After 17 years of marriage she and her husband Trideep had the kind of relationship that could be best described as comfortable. Being intrinsically shy and insecure she did not expect any compliments from her husband. Moreover with both of them busy with home and careers along with two children in their teens acted as an effective deterrent to any such exchanges. Her daughter Jiya was a moody and defiant 16 year old who treated her with the mix of pity and exasperation that most teens exhibited. Her son Sujay who had just turned 14 years was yet to display the typical characteristics of a teenager, a fact for which both Trideep and Manju were grateful.

“Hey did you check out the new hunk?” said the receptionist Maria painting her lips with another coating of puce colored lipstick, as she joined her for morning coffee. Maria and Manju had joined the company on the same day two years back and shared a casual friendship in spite of the difference in their ages and backgrounds. Maria was all of 25 and had a colorful and interesting social life which involved her long distance boyfriend Peter based in Muscat and several casual flings on a weekly basis. Half the time Manju tended to discount the stories that Maria narrated about her weekend escapades and the rest of the time she listened with vicarious interest. Her social life seemed so drab in comparison.

“Hi! Is that seat taken?” said a masculine voice as she sat sipping hot coffee in the afternoon. Manju looked up to find Tarun standing there with a mug of coffee in his hand. She gasped and choked on the coffee in her mouth and said in an awkward voice “Yeah I mean no, it is not taken” she managed to say.

“I am Tarun and you are …? “asked Tarun sitting down and staring at her

“My name is Manju” said Manju feeling stupid for saying it in kindergarten style. She hoped she did not look as clumsy or as awkward as she was feeling.

“You are in accounts, aren’t you? I am in the software department” said Tarun

Manju nodded and concentrated on her coffee. Once she managed to finish her coffee, she politely nodded to him as she walked back.

She was stunned to see him get up and say “Nice chatting with you Ma’am”

“Madam?” she thought to herself as she walked away. “What did you expect Manju? Darling?” She berated herself as she walked back to her seat.

Manju spent the rest of the afternoon feeling hot and cold by turns. She spent the afternoon taking surreptitious peeks around to see if she could spot Tarun and sure enough there he was. She turned away managing to look really busy. That evening she went home resolving to get over her stupid crush.

“Do you think I am good looking?” she asked her husband as he settled down in front of the television, remote in hand in preparation of catching the news.

‘Hmm what?” asked Trideep looking confused.

“I asked do you think I am good looking? Oh! Never mind, can you make sure that Sujay does his math homework? “Asked Manju as she rushed about preparing dinner.

“Why? Is he having problems?” asked Trideep

“You know he is not good at Math, come on Trideep help him out will you?” said Manju starting to feel frustrated

“Okay” said Trideep

Both father and son settled in front of the TV to do the math homework. Manju had to restrain herself from grabbing the remote and switching off the TV.

“Jiya! Will you please stop chatting on the phone and help me set the table?” called out Manju.

“Oh! Mom, I have homework to do and I also have a test tomorrow, can you not ask Sujay to do it?” said Jiya sounding dismayed at the prospect of doing household chores.

“In that case, give me your phone and get along with your studies” said Manju.

Jiya walked up to her with a sulky look and put the phone down on the table and walked away in a huff. As Manju worked at getting dinner on the table, she reflected on her day. In the bustle of her household activities it was very easy to forget about her silly crush. In fact she had even convinced herself that it was a momentary aberration. She told herself she was too sensible to let her mind wander. She managed to convince herself that Tarun was a good 12-13 years younger than her and she should think of him as a youngster and not harbor such feelings for him.

All her resolutions flew out of the window when she walked into the office. She was dismayed at the intense pang of envy that pierced her when she saw Maria flirting with Tarun at the reception. The logical part of her brain told her it was obvious that Tarun should flirt with Maria; after all she was nearer to his age and cute too! But the emotional side of her brain kept wanting to gouge out Maria’s eyes.

As he looked up from his conversation with Maria, Tarun’s eyes seemed to light up. With a warm smile he turned to Manju and said “ Good Morning Ma’am! How are you? Can I join you for coffee today?”

Manju could not help but feel happy and smug that he wanted to have coffee with her. Flushing slightly she said” Good Morning Tarun, of course! you can join me for coffee. I normally go to the canteen at around 10.30. See you then” saying that she walked to her seat with a big smile on her face. She was not over her crush after all!

To her it seemed that the day had just become brighter and more exciting. As she sat down at her desk and switched on her computer, her mobile rang. She reached for it and saw that it was her husband on the line and her smile faded away slightly.

“Hello!” she said

“I am going out of station tonight and am going to be travelling for the next week, can you make sure all my clothes are ready? I am sorry I forgot to tell you this morning.”Said Trideep sounding harried.

“Oh! God, why didn’t you tell me earlier? Now I will have to rush home early and get everything done” said Manju starting to feel irritated.

“I said sorry nah?” asked Trideep

Feeling annoyed and unappreciated, Manju disconnected the call. She leaned back on the chair and mentally sorted through what all needed to be done in the evening and started to feel a little panicky. She reluctantly started on her work hoping that she would be able to juggle everything and get things done on time. One hour into her work she could sense that there was someone standing near her workstation. She assumed that it must be Maria calling her for a coffee break.

Without looking up she said “ You go ahead I will join you in a couple of minutes”

“Okay, but I was hoping you would join me” said Tarun

“Oh! It is you? I am sorry I thought you were Maria” exclaimed Manju feeling flustered. Saying that she got up to join him in the canteen.

Once they were seated at a table with a cup of coffee, Tarun looked at her and said “I have to ask you something. I hope you won’t mind”

Manju nodded her assent. He continued “ Can I call you Manju? I feel as though Ma’am is too formal”

Manju said “Of course you can” . She was delighted with this turn of events and the only blot on the horizon seemed to be that she could spot Maria hurrying towards their table. Soon the three of them were chatting easily. Manju could not help but notice that Tarun seemed keener to talk to her than to Maria. She put it down to an overactive imagination. But her thoughts were confirmed when Maria commented on the same thing later.

“I really think Tarun is cute, but I don’t think he is into me. In fact he seemed to be talking to you more!” said Maria

The way she said it seemed to imply that how could any guy that too one as cute as Tarun be interested in a mature lady like Manju. Manju could not help but feel a little hurt.

That evening as she rushed around getting things ready for her husband’s business trip she resolved that she would make more efforts to turn looking good, to work. She was determined to prove to Maria that she could garner the interest of a good looking guy like Tarun. For one moment she felt as though she was going down a path that was bound to be dangerous. She shrugged it off thinking what is the harm in looking good.

The next day, dressed in a sari that she knew made the best of her curves, Manju walked into the office. She was thrilled to see the look of admiration on Tarun’s face as he smiled and said “Hey! Manju you are looking good!”

Manju spent the whole day feeling really elated and the whole day passed on a high note. She reached home and cheered the kids up immensely by ordering in pizza for dinner. With the elation of being complimented by Tarun on her mind she decided that she was going to pay more attention to her looks and this meant watching what she ate and starting on a fitness program. The only sour note of the evening was when Trideep called to crib about the state of his clothes and informed her that his tour had been extended for another 10 days.

The next morning, Manju rose at 5.30 in the morning and started a fitness program of half an hour of brisk walking and few breathing exercises. She decided it was worth the sacrifice of half an hour of her sleep to feel better about herself. Days flew by and she found herself getting more and more infatuated with Tarun and he too seemed to be equally enamored of her. The more time she spent with him the more attracted she was to him. Manju realized at some level that she was going down a dangerous path but she could not seem to help herself. Soon they were going on innocent little outings like a small shopping trip or for coffee.

On the day that her husband was due back from his trip, Manju found herself on tenterhooks. The kids were excited but Manju was feeling confused. She knew she loved her husband but she felt that they had no warmth or romance in their relationship. As her husband Trideep walked in she could see that he was really tired but it irritated her when he plonked his bag on the couch and demanded to know what was on for dinner.

She felt as though her husband did not value her at all or even notice that she had starting dressing up better. With a tight lipped look she went about unpacking his bag and serving him dinner. Once dinner was finished the kids went back to their rooms and she found herself studying her husband. He seemed oblivious to her presence and seemed more focused on the TV. After half an hour she got up to prepare for bed.

“I am going to go to sleep. I have to get up at 5.30 to go for a walk.” said Manju

“Since when did you start going for a walk? It is a good thing you know, you are not getting any younger and the exercise is good for losing some weight.” said Trideep turning back to the news program he was watching.

Fuming Manju walked towards the bedroom and slammed the door with force. “He doesn’t even notice what I look like nowadays. All he wants is for me to take care of him and his children. Lose weight indeed! Has he taken a look at his own potbelly? Look at Tarun, he looks good and always tell me I look good.” she muttered under her breath as she changed into her nightgown. Even as she muttered to herself, Manju knew she was stepping into treacherous territory but could not stop making comparisons.

A few days passed with Manju managing to live two different lives; fun with Tarun at office and drudgery at home. Since nothing was said and they had strictly remained friends Manju did not feel any guilt though an occasional pang of conscience would hit her. Once in a while she would see a hint of something in Tarun’s eyes which indicated that he was falling for her and Manju had mixed feelings regarding this. Trideep still remained in his own world without any regard to the changes taking place in his wife.

But things took a dramatic turn when Trideep along with a few colleagues decided to take a break while returning from meeting clients at a popular mall. All of them went to the food court and ordered some snacks and drinks and sat down. Suddenly Rita, his colleague said “Hey! Look isn’t that Manju? Has she lost weight? She is looking so good! Who is that with her?

Trideep turned around to see and found that it was indeed Manju and she was looking so good. He was amazed that he had not noticed the glow on her face or the fact that she dressed with more care these days. There she was, smiling at something her companion said. Her face literally seemed to light up as she threw her head back and laughed. As he watched her two things stuck Trideep; he had not seen Manju laugh like that in quite a while and that the young man with her was very handsome and seem totally besotted with Manju.. It was a major shock to him. Here he was, middle aged and boring and there she was with a handsome young fellow who seemed to make her laugh. All he did was demand that she take care of him, his home and the kids. No wonder she did not even try to talk to him!

As he sat there drinking his rapidly cooling coffee, he realized that he had been too self absorbed and had become one of those boring husbands who focused on work and TV. When they were newly married he had promised himself that he would never let that happen and that he would be an admirable husband. And what had happened? He had let the mundane take over his marriage and there it was rotting away right before his eyes.

Not that he suspected that Manju was being unfaithful to him. He knew his wife, she had too much integrity to do anything like that. It was just that somebody else other than him was able to make her smile and feel beautiful. As Trideep was reflecting on his marriage, Tarun was thinking about talking to Manju about how he felt. He knew it was foolish, she was older than him by 12 years, she was married and she had children, but there was no denying the fact that he was attracted to her and liked her a lot.

He knew there was a good chance that she would slap him, but at some level he was aware that Manju too liked him and found him attractive. He turned to Manju and said “I know you have to go home and look after your children, but is it possible for us to go out for dinner sometime?”

As Manju looked at him, she knew that agreeing to dinner would mean taking things to the next level. As naive as she was, even she knew that saying yes to dinner means that she was ready for things to change between them. She said “Can I think about it?”

Tarun was disappointed but nodded his agreement. That evening Manju travelled back home feeling absolutely confused. On the one hand she wanted to spend more time with Tarun; he was young, fun and attractive and best of all he seemed to like and admire her so much. On the other hand having an affair was not her style and she did not really want to break her marriage. As she walked in to her house, prepared to plunge into household chores, she was stunned to see that the kids had not come home yet. In a panic she looked around and rushed to grab her phone from her bag to make a call.

Even as she reached into bag a pair of hands grabbed her from behind and a voice whispered “ Hush… the kids are at your mother’s place. Now pretty woman, can I take you out to dinner?”

As she heard her husband’s voice and felt his arms around her she knew that things would be alright. She looked at him and smiled. She said “ I would love to go to dinner, but what is the occasion?”

Trideep looked at her and said “Do I need an excuse to take you out?”

She considered the question and said “ But things have changed…. ”

Trideep simply placed his finger on her lips to hush her and said “ I know, but will you give me a chance to change?”

Smiling she nodded and said “ Okay, but can I make a call first?”

Trideep said “I will wait outside in the car. Join me once you are done”

Manju picked up her mobile and dialed Tarun’s number and said “ Hi! Listen I have been thinking about dinner and I don’t think it is such a good idea. Thanks for being a good friend but we both know it can never be more than that. Take care, see you at office tomorrow. Good night”

Then she picked up her bag and set out for a date with her husband.

__END__