The broken spirit

“No! No! No”. I woke up with a start. A bead of sweat trickled down by brow to the corner of my left eye. Another nightmare.

“Please relieve me of my pain”, I yelped. I was sick of these recurring nightmares. They seemed to only get worse with every passing day.

I could hear V tiptoeing to our bedroom. I tossed to the other side of the bed so that my back faced him. That was my defense mechanism nowadays. My back bore the major brunt of his unwarranted fury. Naive you’d say, perhaps vain even. But I wanted my face protected.

“Are you up?”, he asked .

“I am. Looking for something?”, I ventured to ask.

“Nope. Was thirsty. Hydrated myself”.

“Good night then”, I murmured.

He did not care to reply.

Before long I was asleep too.

“Please V! I do not know where it disappeared. I last saw it on the window sill”

“V, Please!! Stop it!! I’ll die”

“V. Can we at least sit down and talk about about this? I’m begging you. I’m sure we’ll find a way out Honey. Hear me out.”

The conversations would keep ringing in my ears.

“The pattern plays out the same, always. He’d pick up a fight with me over something as trivial as not finding the newspaper, I’d try convincing him that I’d seen it around, he’d refuse  to believe it and before I know it, he’d have struck me a hard blow.Once he’s taken out his vengeance, it is time for me to mop, then sit down and have a conversation with him and extract a promise from him that he’ll never strike me again.All in vain because strike he will. Over and over again”

“I never know what ticks him off. We’d be having our dinner and laughing over an innocuous joke and he’d suddenly flare up”.

“Sometimes he’d wake up in the middle of the night and rain blows on me. Imagine being woken up with blows!”.

R sat pensively. She was taking in both the cappuccino we had ordered and my rantings. My eyes welled up. I was traumatized and recounting these episodes only made it far worse for me.

R was troubled too. After all, I was her little sister. It hurt her to see me so brutalized. She would wince when I would recount with minute details about V’s abuse. This was the second time in a fortnight that I was meeting her to rid my self of my anxiety and pain.

“The episodes were initially far and few in between. But off late, they have been very frequent R. I just don’t know how to deal with it. He is so wonderful when he’s normal. I agonize over him. I’m worried they’ll have him removed from work . I don’t know how often he has these bouts at work.”

“We can’t afford that R. I’m not working. If V stops working too, then I don’t know how long we can live off our savings”.

“D relax. Halt your horses. You are already troubled. Why would you want to worsen it?”, R chided me.

She scanned me thoroughly.  Her eyes were transfixed on my back. Since I had covered up to avoid undue attention to my bruises, the ones on my back weren’t visible. My hands were still exposed and the damage was there for all to see.

“Let’s fix up an appointment with Dr J? She should be able to guide us through this”, R offered.

“No way. I can never convince V to see a psychiatrist. That’s suicidal. I won’t be alive to see the next daylight”.

“Can I talk to him?I’ll tell him it’s for me and I need you’ll as my support system”, R said.

Well, he loved R and would never shoot her down. But if he were to even get a whiff of conspiracy, I wouldn’t be spared. The odds were hardly in my favor.

“Alright R. It’s worth the risk, I guess. Talk to him tonight. Hopefully he’ll agree”. I was keeping my fingers crossed.

On our way back,my thoughts were completely preoccupied with the impending conversation that R was to have with V. I was palpitating. R held my palm in hers and asked me to stop worrying. I was comforted for a while.

“I’ll talk to him on his way back home. Even if he were to lose his temper, at least you would be spared”, she added to ally my fears.

“Thanks R. Let’s hope for the best”.

Tick . Tick. Tick.

The chiming of the clock only added to my woes. The entire house stood still as if awaiting some danger.Even the ruffling of the leaves outside the living room window startled me. I was waiting with bated breath for V’s arrival. I wanted to know if he had bought R’s story. Dr J seemed like my only hope.

The screeching of the car wheels signaled V’s arrival. I was anticipating the worst and therefore kept one hand of mine on the bedroom door knob so that I could bolt myself in, should he charge at me.

V entered the house seemingly oblivious to my despair.So far so good.

“Shall I get you some tea?”, I offered.

“Sure. I’m exhausted. I’d certainly like some”.

I put the kettle to boil. My hands were shaking.

“I hope V didn’t notice the anxiety writ large on my face”, I thought panicking for a second.

“R had called me”,V started when we had sat down for tea.

I shuddered involuntarily.

“Said she wanted to visit Dr J. It seems she’s suffering some anxiety issues and she wanted an expert’s opinion. Asked me if we could join her”.

“Well..”

“Well,  I said we’ll gladly accompany her. You’re free tomorrow right?”.

I was stunned. It had played out so smoothly. Without any glitches. V had actually bitten the bait. I was ecstatic. We’d get some medical help finally.

“Well…”.

V looked at me curiously. I hadn’t responded to him yet.

“Sure. Let’s go. If we can be of help to her then nothing like it”.

V had a pained look on his face. He seemed unusually quiet, sipping the tea all by himself, immersed in thoughts. I suspected that he had long forgotten that I was sharing the table with him.

I felt terrible. V loved R like his own sister and he was obviously upset knowing that she was not keeping well. I felt like a betrayer, but I was helpless. I could not live on like this forever. It had to stop somewhere and tomorrow was that first pit stop.

“Let me go freshen up”,V said at last, after what seemed like an eternity.

 

———-

“Hey V. How you doing?”

“R .. Good to hear your voice. I’ve been fabulous. What prompted you to call me?”

“V, I’m going to cut the long story short. I’ve fixed up an appointment with Dr J tomorrow. I need you there with A”.

“Why? What’s going on?Are you alright?”

“D is hallucinating again. Recurrence of schizophrenia I suspect”.

 

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