[The quest ! – Short Story Family]
The quest ! – Short Story Family
Photo Credit: www.cepolina.com
He was not tired, the premises were wild and dark, but he was cool, he didn’t even think about hunger, thirst or any other basic instincts for the past many days. He WAS an ordinary man with extra ordinary intelligence, possessions and accomplishments till a few days back. It was only true in the materialistic sense, if he thought there weren’t much in his life about which he was dissatisfied or sad. And, obviously, he was damn busy, in this profane world, no time or space or plane even to think of this life. From the days he started thinking like an adult, he was engrossed with the thoughts of education, job, family and society. Today, in his early 50’s, he had two sons, well educated, employed and on their own, who were eagerly counting on a peachy future.
And SHE…..She was always behind him, his wife, silent yet strong, supportive, yet ready to give space, and …was she a too deep self? He was not sure. They could rely on each other and there was always love, respect and fidelity, yet, could she always understand him, or could he get her always? Dubious. He had a feeling that this action of her husband would desolate her. The next moment he pacified himself, can one person be always backed up in life? No, each of us are on our own. And if someone thinks yes, to what extent one being can completely absorb the other?….It is impossible!! Let she find her way, for he wanted to find his! Moreover, women square with changes of any sort, so quickly and easily, so she will be fine soon. He was obsessed with those restless queries ruling his life and mind. The only thing he was sure was this, if he had explained about this journey, none in the family, especially his wife, will give a nod and he was daunted that his journey wouldn’t happen.
BUT IT MUST!! That made him cook up a story of a trip on business affairs. But, unlike his usual trips, he forcefully insisted that no one in the family should contact or disturb him in any way, which might have invoked some dubiety in the family, but none asked him a question about it…that was strange! He just got a flash of his wife’s face when she heard this, but, again to his astonishment, first a surprised, soon, a blank eye. No questions, no doubts, no explanations. He even doubted “Wasn’t she herself at that moment??!”
They were perfect couple for others as well as for them …but what is “perfection” Who defines it? Who designs it? For others, his act may appear awkward or a cheating…”Was he??Was he really cheating her?” Again, he was not sure, thus each time he thought more about anything, he became unsure of those things and many other things, about which he was too confident and certain before. But, whatever happens, to get out of rust, away from lust, to dust out the chest, this journey is a must!
If he hadn’t seen that old man near the city river, throwing food to the numerous birds around him, he might not have even thought about such a journey. It was a rare, yes, indeed a rare evening in his busy life, when he just wanted to get some breeze after the hectic day. Then he noticed this old man, who was supposed to be a millionaire sometime back. “What’s this old dude doing here, in this part of city, which was lonely, feeding the umpteen fowls around him? He must be seen with some elite population at some posh place at this hour of the day!” He walked towards the old man, with an intention to start a conversation or a relation. The old man paid no attention, he was so absorbed in his duty of feeding. He said a formal “hello” and started introducing himself to the old. The millionaire didn’t mind, didn’t even appear to have listened to anything he said. He felt bad and was a little dejected about this indifference. He turned back to walk, the old man just asked, as if to nobody, “What will u gain from here after all?”
He didn’t bother to turn back or answer, as he was down with the strange feeling of the old man turning up his nose at him. He went back to his busy world again, but he didn’t feel the same altogether. The millionaire’s question was sharp enough to plunge a knife in his bosom paving way for a retrospection …needless to say, he thought a lot about it, sleepless, thoughtful hours passed…… “Yes, what is that I gain after all? Money? Family? Prestige? Happiness?….Live for a while….then die ! Isn’t it absurdity?”He started thinking about life, the meaning, its purpose and found himself too ignorant about everything in life….It was a turning point, all who have searched for the real purpose of life might have encountered such a situation, in one way or other…..
He wanted to know why we exist, why we live and why we die, why some live long and some live short, why on earth some people do good things, others do bad things, why some are strong and talented, why some are just meek ,why some get all fortunes, while others go on struggling to get even the basic things?…..why?….why?…..WHY??From where did I come here on earth? (Don’t just say from mother’s womb!) Before this birth, I had another or many other births? If affirmative, where were I? After the end here, where will I go? Is there an immortal soul…. birthless, deathless soul? After living some time here, will I be back again ? Had I been here before ,even before this birth? No?…because science couldn’t prove it? Science is not everything….Otherwise, what if YES, then when? why? How?….Oh god ,I can’t remember a thing….what is happening? Everything seemed twisting and whirling around ….he fell motionless into the bed….It was a start….just a start….the start of a spiritual tantrum!
He lost his usual interests, wanted to forget the busy schedule and always wanted to set out on a journey to “really know” life! He felt like a monk, detached from everything, because he assumed a person who wants to know about life, must become a monk! His wife didn’t ask anything , when he was about to leave, taking the minimum luggage, did she ever knew what is going on in his mind….Probably No!….No chance! Women are very weak, mostly they are not very good at sensing certain needs, needs which may not be so common! They are less thinking creatures, just find happiness in eating, drinking, sleeping and all those animate activities”. For the first time he was feeling low about women in general, though he had respect towards his own wife, but, which was at the verge of vanishing! Thus, he started his journey, to seek truth of life, what is there before this life and after this life…..he couldn’t find peace, he was disturbed with thoughts and questions, but never felt weak or sad….he was enjoying a nameless joy, sort of enstasy, the joy of giving up the possessions, he was seeing light!
Passing the forest, before it was too dark, he saw some faint light at a distance, a few people were standing there, it was a railway station, the small crowd waiting there were ordinary passengers with minimum load of things. Seeing an empty bench which was a little far from the small huddle, he felt like resting for a while, the first time after setting off for the journey ,he felt so tired ,as if the world is whirling around him again…It was early night ,but what he saw was a flock of white birds flying across the dark sky….he is losing control over his self, is it death?
He felt cold when a soft hand touched his forehead, he couldn’t open his eyes, though he wanted to. Someone is pouring water drops which seemed like amritha through his dry mouth, he felt as if gaining life…slowly he tried opening his drowsy eyes….he couldn’t believe what he was seeing though vague….SHE! She was trying to lift him up and she seemed to be a goddess, who was so radiant and august. It took him a while to get onto track….until that, he gazed at the sky, which seemed starless .She was having the same serene expression and looked at him often, as if to check if he is ok. No conversations, but! Then, he heard a murmur…
.”I always knew this would happen someday, no one can purposely forget “this “quest in life, however hard ,we try to avoid or ignore it…I had always made up my mind for it, and always hoped you will tell me, as neither me nor you can do it alone ,because it needs both of us to complete each other ….I am with you always”
He felt a rare combination of happiness, guilt (for underestimating his wife or rather not understanding her well) and relief, which broke him into tears…After sometime ,when he looked up he saw a starlit sky, his mind was crystal clear and he knew for the first time what is clarity and happiness…all set for a much awaited journey. The whistling of the train to Kaashi echoed from a distance!
“…..And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles,
no matter how long,
but only by a spiritual journey,
a journey of one inch,
very arduous and humbling and joyful,
by which we arrive at the ground at our feet,
and learn to be at home.”
~ Wendell Berry ~
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