People think that I am weak and I looks pathetic since I am so thin but the fact is this is not true. I seems to be weak but I am not. Life is a dark tunnel. We don’t know what tomorrow brings but if we just keep moving, we come to a better place and same is my story. I struggled a lot in my life. From the day when my father was diagnosed to be suffering from Cancer to the day he returned home from the hospital as he said but not in the form I wanted. Since that day my Mother was everything to me. She was my Father, Pal and God. People says that they don’t believe in God, they never saw the God but I have seen the Divine in my mother.
As I remember, it was the day when the Doctor performed the Biopsy test against my father’s will. My father was afraid of that test. Before Biopsy, the Doctor’s had already performed the FNAC test. By using a fine needle, they took out a fluidly sample from my Father’s neck and then in Biopsy test, they cut out a sample of the Tumor. O! Lord, it was too painful for me and painful beyond words for my Father who suffered a lot. On that day, the Doctor referred my Father to another Hospital in New Delhi and my Mother said that she had to go to New Delhi. I remain detached from my Parents for almost a year and then two more months. I know how painful that was for me to live without those whom you loved. Living without those people who are your life is extremely hard and if they are your parents, it’s too excruciating.
Before departure to New Delhi, my Mother taught me how to cook food so that I could cook food for my siblings and for myself. She taught me cooking chapattis and some vegetables. My Mother left for New Delhi along with my Father, it was like the Final Cheerio which I never wanted.
From that day, I had to wake up early in the morning around 4 o’ clock before awakening of anyone else. Around this while, I roused up and then cleansed day after day. I cooked the food quickly and then woke up my siblings. It was their habit. Whenever they woke up, they always needed some tea and snacks whether it was daybreak or nightfall. Waking them up, I served them tea and snacks. My brother younger to me was ten years old and he could dress by himself but another brother who was the undeveloped of all, he couldn’t do anything by himself for the reason that he was just five years old. I bathed him and outfitted him by myself. Serving them the breakfast, I prepared their lunch and then they went to the School.
By that time, I had only half an hour left for myself. In that half an hour, I dressed myself but I failed to prepare lunch for myself. I had to left for the School famished and in the lunch time, everyone had lunch except me. I went to the playground to spend some time with Nature and sat there to write some poems. After all of that, when the final bell rang, we returned home and then before their arrival, I prepared everything for them. For it was their Snacks time, I had to do everything alone. When they arrived, I served them snacks and then changed their apparels.
To run the economy of my house, I need a job and I got it. I was a tutor and taught some students and in return, the charges that I got, I used some part of it for food and some part I saved for future purpose. At 2 o’ clock, I returned home and from three to six in the evening, I taught children of Class sixth and then ninth. There were three batches, first of sixth and another two of ninth of ICSE and CBSE board.
First studying myself for six continuous hours and then teaching others for three long hours continuously was not an easy task to be accomplished. I know how hard it was for me. Still, despite of this fact, most of my class mates called me XYX, girl or gay. They haven’t suffered what I had and I don’t want it to be so. In such a tender age of sixteen when most of the children see dreams for their future, I was the only one who had to suppress all of his dreams for his siblings. I don’t understand the mentality of some people why they want to bring down the other person who want to rise, why they cannot see the awakening of others. It was something that I cannot explain.
All of my efforts went in vain. I thought that my hard work would yield me something but what happened in the last was the most horrible of everything. My Father had been in the hospital for two months, his condition became critical and the Doctors said, “He is a being of two or three hours.” On the day of sixteenth January 2014, the most terrible day of my life, on which evening at six o’ clock, my heart’s chamber was destroyed with my father’s ultimate departure but I wasn’t told of that. I was informed on seventeenth January when my father arrived but not alive, he was ……dead.
My last hope for whom I was living, he left me alone. From that day, everything seemed to be very pathetic to me. I never enjoyed anything, I always deceived everyone by showing them my superficial happiness but what was running in my inner self was unknown to everyone. At first I wanted to end myself for I was so depressed, so sad that I didn’t see even my mother for whom I was the last hope. It was my Mother for whom I’m still living. I never imagined such a terrible thing.
But Life is Life, it changes with time and Change is must in Life. We cannot stand against the divine’s decree but we need to accept what the reality is and go along with it to see a bright golden future. Still I never got the answer of my question, Why Am I so?