Situations…!

I had quarrelled for 2 long and frustrating hours with my dad. I was just unable to explain my situation to him, and may be it’s totally my fault.

“Krishna Its totally a bull sh*t, you can’t just easily announce this on an last moments before your marriage.” He said with an uncontrollable anger flowing in his eyes.

“I just can’t marry him.” I at last shouted back in anger, throwing a wedding dress down angrily.

“This is nonesense. Krishna, just look at the crowd outside, our relatives, our friends, everyone are here for your marriage. How can I face them? What you want, I should go out and tell them my lovely daughter have suddenly changed her mind and she don’t want to marry a guy, she was struck to marry with whom till now?” He asked, exhausted by an anger.

“But I realize that I don’t love him, and I know I have done lot of mistakes till now, but now I want to change it, change my life. Do you want me to marry someone I doesn’t love??? Do you only want me to get out of this house??”

“Yes I do.” He interrupted, shouting loudly, shocking me.

I silented, and kept staring him with a shocked ‘why’ look and a drop of tear in my eye.

“I do..

I just want you to go…

I don’t want you to stay in my house anymore…

Go away that I never see you again, because whatever you have done in your life till now, you already lost a right to call me a father…” He stopped for a moment, and again spoke with a fire like words.

“I don’t need to remind you about this, but You…

Do what you like, marry him or not, but with a end of this day, I want you to leave this house…

Forever… Wherever you go…

Just Go…” He said and without turning back, left the room.

I stood there like a statue for a minute, then felled on my knees, couldn’t even cry or even breath properly, because I knew that I was an only reason for this much hate and anger in my dad for me…

And not only my dad,

but my sister, my brother and everyone out there.

The reason was me!!!

“is this really my mistake??? It’s because of situations.

After death of his heartly love, my father was already broke when he married my greedy mother..

And unfortunately, she had only married him for money. I never know how did I grow up at 10, but since that time, I was only been treated like a servant in this house…or mom’s slave for clear view.

Dad was just a dead body, I first time heard his voice when he shouted angrily on me to get him a wine. At the very young age, I had learnt many cool words, like sex, f**k, bi**h, sl*t or else, and also getting their meaning!!! I was bright in studies, but who wanted me to go to school and study!!!

My aunt, may be a reason of all this things, was a real devil for me at a young age. i remember everything she had done with me. Abusing and torturing was just a daily stuffs. Mom was a lusty bi**h, so call a prostitute, never cared for me or my dad.

But i was really touched by God. I still had a hope that God will change my life, he will help me, but he didn’t. I waited and waited, but he didn’t, I still waited, until..

until the age of 13, my maternal uncle, brother of my mother tried to rape me and my drunken mother had no problem with it.

Scared and abused me, cut out his left hand by fruit knife for save myself, and then found my self in asylum, Abused, Tortured, Broken. I cried and cried for months.

After three years when I come back to home, there were no human feelings left in me, expect Rage!!! and my innocent face was turned in beautiful devil.

Only one thing was same in me and mother that I have her fairy, attractive beauty.

Then family, school, relatives, everywhere everyone started to hate me. They broke my heart, I started to breaking their. I have done lot of bad things that can’t be imagined.

Hurting people and breaking their hearts was my fun. My father’s money was lot enough for my luxurious life. Make up, Hotness, Parties and Boyfriends was just a little, I did lot more. No!! But I never let anyone to use my body. I wasn’t lesbian, but I always wanted to be Boy.

My mother was already flew away with another rich guy, when I came back. I have also slapped my drunken father twice, never cared of my sister, even broke up her relationship with his boyfriends twice, and at last going to marry my 23rd boyfriend. I already knew that he is lusty, drinker and only interested in my body, but I was same…more!!!

No limitation, no care and not any parents to rule on, i started to enjoy my life as a queen…

And after 10 years of my rule, Now…!!!

I had a sudden wake up call…

by An Angel…or

The God !!!

I have seen my entire life, flowing as tears in my eyes, and after a very long time, again I had questions in my mind.

Don’t I have right to change ??? Yes I was devil for years, but a fallen one !!! I have lived in revenge and vengeance for years and wasted at least all of my life till now, but now I want to change, change it all.

What if its instant or something, but I am awake and now, and I want it to be perfect. I don’t want to waste my life anymore, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, I don’t want to broke hearts, I don’t want people hate me, I want to behave like what I really am, an innocent angel who was forced to turn in devil. Yes, I did many sins, but can’t I be forgiven???

I don’t want to be evil a bit, but situation forced me.” A glump blocked my throat.

After a frustrating and painful moments, i made a hard decision.

“I won’t marry him!” I spoke, standing on the edge of the terris.

“No one likes me, no one cares for me Because my evilness. I can’t change, i can’t rebuild my life…

And the only reason is you God…Only You.

I want to talk, i want to ask you a question…Why? Why me?

And i know you won’t come to face me, so i am coming to face you…I am…” I thought, and jumped off to the death, without any more brain blowing frustrative thinking. In a cool air, and the silent environment, and the drops of tears in air.

***

(To be continue…)