Unsaid In Pride

Short Story on Regret – Unsaid In Pride
Photo credit: xandert from morguefile.com

Death was the only thing that could bring our family together. Or at least me back to the threshold of the family mansion. The news of my father’s terminal illness proved to be the strongest thing in seven years to bring me back to the place I’d vowed to never return.

It had been raining and even from afar I could sense the hatred that was the remains of my relations. As the taxi neared the gigantic property, I saw the same old ferns, and the same old reasons why I had left. There was no one at the gate to greet me; I didn’t expect anyone to be. The car left me to deal with the problems I’d been pushing back for years. I stared at the amulet I’d never taken off in years. It was a family heirloom and it was my prized possession.

The creak of the gates perhaps alerted the members of my distant family of my arrival. I think I was the last person to come. The family manservant who I can recall from my childhood was still working there and it was a huge surprise.

“Have you any luggage, beta?” He asked me politely.

“No, I have none,” I replied.

I walked past the same old corridors, where I’d first learnt to walk; the same open spaces where I’d learnt how to run and the same balconies where I first realized that I couldn’t fly.

“But you still have your wings,” I remember him saying. I remember the same enthusiasm he showed and the love he had for me. And all that was just lies. My father lied about everything, even loving his own son.

The remembrance road ended in a solitary room at the end of the corridor. Filled so much people that half of them were peeping from outside. My footsteps gathered attention and everyone looked at me. There were whispers and then everyone moved aside to give me way.

I entered the dark room, filled with an atmosphere of tears and mourning. My sister-in-law was near the bed and whispered something in my father’s ear and then looked to one dark corner of the room, to my younger brother. My father ordered everyone to leave. Soon, the father and the prodigal son were the only ones in the room. I quietly hid the amulet safe underneath my shirt so that he wouldn’t know that I still valued it.

“Son, you’re late,” He managed to say.

“I know that. Thank you for pointing out the mistakes in me, just like you always did,” I replied obstinately.

“You don’t have to be this way.”

I didn’t want to carry on conversations anymore. I didn’t even want to be there.

“I’m dying, son,” He said.

“I can clearly see that,” I remained where I was.

“We’re still going to fight? I see.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to avoid answering.

“Well, have it your way. I rather not bother mending ties with you.”

His words twisted and turned in my head. The feelings I’d locked up in a tiny corner of my heart seemed to have been broken into. The guilt started to catch up.

“Father, I…” My words vanished from my voice like they disappeared from my mind.

Just then, the pride gathered over me. I left the room, abruptly and turned one last time. People rushed in and from between the spaces, I saw my father mouth the words.

“I forgive you.” I could make out that he said that.

And he was out of my sight.

That night, my father died. And honestly, something in me too. I hated the fact that I robbed him from the happiness of life and that in his last moments, I was lost in my own arrogance. How I wish I had said those words which I wanted to.

Lying in my bed, I was dying in a bottomless pit that was my vanity. The gold felt cold on my skin. Once again, I found myself feeling the grooves on the amulet my father had given to me, in belief that I would be the one to carry on the family’s name. Even in the dim light, one could see the carvings in the pure gold and the quartz stone embedded in the middle. I could see my vague reflection on the stone, reminded me of the devil that I was.

The next morning, as I walked the empty corridors, perhaps for the last time, I saw the memories of my father and I flash wildly- how he taught me to believe in myself and how I left past those doors, shattering all of our dreams.

I slowly slipped the amulet off my neck and left it at the door.

__END__