I MISS YOU…

PROLOGUE

That was my cousin sister; Gudia didi’s marriage where I realized that how beautiful is the relation of brother and sister and how ugly is their separation. The marriage was in Delhi so we all, I, my parents and my elder sister Deepshikha, left early morning from Agra to reach the marriage venue on time.

We were on the door of our train, so I rushed in full speed to occupy the window seat because on the way to station I bet my sister that I will sit on the window seat and as being a guy, losing from a lady is the most embarrassing thing for me. I was sitting on the window seat when my sister and parents came to occupy the remaining seats. I teased my sister and she started to cry in dramatic manner and her crying made my parents to scold me to sit on window sit. They replaced me from my sister and now my sister started to tease me. I swear that I hate her dramatic weeping. She always used this trick to gain sympathy.

Finally we were there. We met everyone, my father always whispered in my ear to touch feet of him or her because I was unfamiliar of everyone there. Because I was only 10 years old and that trip was my first trip outside my home town. Then started my favorite part of the marriage, the food. I can be seen on every stall. I finish one thing and rushed to another. I was accompanied by a full army of children of my age; our mission was to conquer every stall in the marriage. That night I drank about 5 litres of cold drink. My stomach was saying that, no I cannot bear anything more but my mind was saying that there are still many stalls remaining, so I heard of my mind. After sometimes I was only can be seen near the toilet like many of my army men.

When I came back from toilet I searched my parents. I was about to enter one room when my brother (who was the real brother of Gudia didi) stopped me. He suggested that don’t go inside. I stole a glimpse of inside and sat quietly there with him.

Inside the room everyone was crying because it was the time of Vidai. After sometime I noticed my brother, he was crying but he wanted to control his emotions, he doesn’t want to show the world, his tears. Then everyone who was inside the room came out. The last good bye of Gudia Didi was near. She was crying, crying and crying. She was crying so loud that everyone there had their eyes wet. My heart was weeping more than my eyes. The happy ceremony ended with rain of tears.

Next day we were on our way to Agra. My heart was still weeping. Why? Because next time my sister will face all this. I don’t know that will I be able to stop my emotions like my brother did? With the ending of this marriage ceremony, my love for my sister increased too much. But I was not familiar that our separation will be much more than this. There will not be the rain of tears but there will be the storms of tears.

 CHAPTER- 1

10^th May 2008, 10am

The environment in the home cannot be explained. You can yourself think that how will be the environment of that house whose one and only daughter was fighting with death. After knowing about the disease which my sister had, our father took her to Military Hospital of Delhi because there was no cure of the disease in Agra. The cure of the disease was not even in Delhi also but what can a father do, he can’t just see her daughter racing towards the immortal darkness. At that point if someone has told him that this disease can be cured in America or somewhere else, he would have gone there also (being a common man, for us it looks like a fantasy to go somewhere out of the country).

In the home, I, my mother and my Mami were there. Mami came from Mathura to help out my mother in these difficult times. It was the 10^th day of my sister in Delhi, when the phone rung. My mother rushed towards the phone because the only phone that comes to us was of my father from Delhi to inform the happenings of there. The phone was of my father but this time he gave such news which made my mother burst out in tears and cry, such news which made my Mami to fetch my mother before falling, the news of my sister’s death.

The news of the death of my sister spread out everywhere, like the fire in forest. Within an hour our house was filled with relatives, neighbors and many of such people. Everyone was mourning. House was fully filled by the cries of ladies.

My mother, after sometime was quiet. She was drawn in the memories of her only daughter, her first child. Just 20 days and the life changed. My parents were planning of her marriage. Just 20 years, her life was just 20 years. No, god cannot be so rude on us. He cannot snatch my daughter from me, no they can’t. Her mind was full of these thoughts or we can say, with these questions.

I was sitting out of our home. I wanted to be alone. I was not crying but I don’t know why my eyes were wet. I was not unhappy but don’t know why I wanted to die. I don’t know what was happening around me. I thought that it is a bad dream and it will end. I desperately wanted it to end. I wanted to roll back the time and fight with my sister, one last fight. One last…

Then everyone rushed towards the door. My father has returned with my sister.

CHAPTER-2

20 days before…

Just like other guys of my age, 16, I also wanted to go out of home, alone, no restriction, nothing. Just go and do anything you want. But this can’t be possible if you have an elder sister or brother and it’s a pity that I was also of the same category. I had an elder sister, 5 years elder than me. She was always following me where ever I go. The same thing happened when I was to go to my Mama’s (maternal uncle) house.

My Mama, the forced milestone of my life. Why? Because he was the perfect son for parents. He was good in studies; in fact he was topper everywhere. He is the biggest earner of our family, he did nothing which we do in our teenage (the things which causes problem to our parents) which means he was the perfect son. So whenever I causes problem to my parents I have to hear a lecture of my Mama’s greatness. That is why I say him the forced milestone in my life.

So we were in our Mama’s house. As I told you he is the biggest earner of our family so naturally I expected for some shopping and some sight seeing in Mathura, where he lived. The same thing happened also. Truly speaking that I love Mathura. Why? Because I only traveled in Mathura. The two days which I spent there was most fascinating for me.

Now it was the time to leave. I was packing my clothes at the very last moment of our departure. My sister came to the room and started:

“How lazy you are? You are packing your clothes now.”

I was to say something really bad to her but I didn’t because now she was helping me in packing and I wanted help of someone.

Our packing was going on when Mami came inside the room.

“And, packing complete?” she asked. I don’t know why people ask these types of silly questions.

“It’s going on.” My sister answered.

“What should I make for lunch, Bhindi or Cudhi?” again Mami asked a silly question. It was obvious to make Bhindi, as it is my favorite. But before I could say anything, my sister replied:

“Cudhi, make Cudhi today.”

I stared her face with anger for about 15 minutes there.

Finally we ate Cudhi and leave to our home. Within 3 hours we were in our home. Now she was telling parents about our trip but I was quiet, I was still in anger. After sometime, my mother asked me:

“What happened to you? Didn’t you like there?”

Then it was my time to burst out:

“See her eyes; she ate so much of Cudhi that eye’s color has also changed. I don’t know why she eats so much of Cudhi.”

My mother now noticed her eyes, they were yellow. She reported this to my father. Then my father came and saw her eyes and said:

“May be she had Jaundice.” The first symptom of the disease she had.

CHAPTER-3

19 days before…………

Next morning my father took her to the military hospital because he was ex-servicemen of air force so all the treatment was free for us. But it is not that because of money we goes to military hospital, it was because that we only believe on the treatment of military hospital as they will not make you fool just to snatch money from your pocket like many other private hospitals do.

My father is a very cool guy as far as I know him. The method of him to solve the problem is really good. He was the tough believer of god but I don’t know about today whether he believes in god or not. Although his problem solving methods are really good but sometimes he himself fells in such massive problems that all the methods of him results in vain.

It was our rule to go to MH (military hospital) early because with the passing time the crowd of patients also increases there. When my father reached there with my sister there were about 4 or 5 patients but within half an hour this number increased to 50 to 60 patients. Before the arrival of doctor every patient just remains seated on the respected chairs in silence. The only voice was of the TV on which a boring film was running and with the arrival of doctor the public becomes impatient. Although every patient goes to doctor according to a number given to him but still    patients starts to be impatient.

My sister’s number was 5, so there number came pretty fast. Doctor saw the eyes of her, my father were listing the problems she faced but the doctor was busy in writing the tests and medicine. This behavior of doctors of not hearing the problems of patient is the behavior which I hate the most.

After this meeting all the tests carried on. The results of tests were horrible. She had Jaundice of high level.

Next day again my father and sister were in the MH. My father showed the results of tests to doctor and he gave some medicines. My father asked the doctor:

“Sir, don’t you think that with such a high jaundice you should admit my daughter here?”

“Don’t you think you should not question me about what I should do?” doctor replied in very rough tone.

My dad leaves the room and called our family doctor and told all the things to him. So he replied that hospital should admit her as soon as possible. Then my father rushed towards the room of the in charge of MH. He took permission to get inside the room and said:

“Sir, I am Rajeev Lochan Sharma, retired ex-servicemen from Air Force.” And he showed the identity card to him. “Sir, I came here for the treatment of my daughter. She is having Jaundice of high level. I suggested Doctor Mall to admit her but he refused to do so. Sir, if MH is not able to treat our family members so don’t give these medical facilities to us.” Then he showed the report of tests to him.

He looked the reports and told my father to follow him. He directly entered to the room of Doctor Mall. My sister was sitting on the bench outside the room. When doctor saw his head in his office with the man he scolded just a minute before, he got tense. Now the in charge handled the reports to the doctor and said:

“So Mr. Mall what do you think about this report? Should we admit this patient or not?”

“Sir, we should admit her.” His tone was so lower that even a bat couldn’t sense that. His face was digging under and under the floor.

“So please do so, and please, if you cannot do this job so resign. If you couldn’t write the resignation letter so please tell it to me, I will do this job.”

“Sorry sir.”

In just the next moment my sister was on the bed of hospital.

CHAPTER-4

16 days before…

“Your daughter’s jaundice is increasing day by day, Mr. Sharma.” The doctor who was operating my sister said to my father when he reached the hospital with tea for her.

The doctor was accepting any word from my father but he remained quiet so the doctor himself started again:

“I am shifting her to Apollo Hospital. So please get the transfer papers signed by ……………” he gave dozens of names to him and my father did the same. The doctor had sensed the problem but afraid to tell it to my father because of lack of evidence that’s why he forwarded the case to Apollo hospital, the well known hospital for his equipments and world class doctors. When my sister heard that she is being shifted to Apollo, she was very excited because of the beauty of building of Apollo. She was unaware that this will be the last trip of her, in her consciousness.

Now as the matter was becoming serious, the news was also getting spread everywhere rapidly. Everyone who heard the news comes to the home and asks the same question:

“What happened to her?”

And I and my mother had the same answer to the question:

“Jaundice.”

And then starts the series of advices of different treatment. My mother was ready to test everything she hears but it was my father who stops her every time.

In Apollo she remained for 3 days. No doctor came to operate her, no special medicine given to her, nothing happened. The thing which happened was visitor’s arrival and their departure. My father was with her 24 hours a day. From the MH one more problem has added with her, stomach pain. Her stomach was getting big and hard day by day. She had stopped to go to toilet. Her liver stopped working normally. This was the second symptom of the decease.

My father asked about this to doctor so he replied:

“Mr. Sharma, see you are a normal man, right but still it is possible that 90% of your liver will not be working properly. So I mean to say that even a normal person can have 90% of liver failure and we are giving her medicine for stomach pain. So don’t worry Mr. Sharma your daughter is in the safe hands of ours.” But my father was not satisfied with doctor’s last line.

The problem of stomach pain was getting more severe day by day. She was finding difficulty in sleeping in nights because of which my father also has to awake the whole night. One night she was feeling pain in stomach, she tried a lot to hide her pain from father so that he can sleep but the pain was severe. So she scolded father:

“Why you can’t sleep. I will sleep after some time.” She never ever talked to father like that. Her tone was really high. After these words she started to cry. This cry was the result of guilt which every disabled person has. My father also wanted to cry but he can’t do so.

I and my mother go to hospital everyday to meet her. But on that day only in place of me, my uncle went to see her. Uncle first met to my father and took details and then my father took him to the bed of my sister. My father jokingly asked my sister:

“Tell me, who is he?”

“I know, Sandeep (My name) came to meet me.” She replied. She was unable to recognize uncle and mistaken him with me.

My father rushed towards the doctor and told him the whole story. This was the third symptom, confusion in recognizing.

CHAPTER-5

12 days before…

Doctor took her in emergency room within a second. Now the relatives were started gathering in the hospital. Everyone was tense. Then doctor came outside and took father to a corner and said:

“Mr. Sharma, we were waiting for this to happen. Now we will take test and then operate her because jaundice can only be operated when it reach the mind.” He started to leave but stayed there to say a last word also, “pray to god.”

My father stayed there for a while and recalled all what the doctor said. “Pray to god” why? Is there any ……………………

In these situations mind always turns to negative things and the same happened with him also but he truly believed that no, god is with me.

Now the doctor was out of sight for about 5 hours. Tension was building up, negative thoughts were building up, questions with god were building up and bribe to god was building up.

Now after all this, doctor came out. Now again he called my father and said:

“Mr. Sharma, your daughter is the patient of Auto Immune Hepatitis.” A normal man knows hardly of hepatitis but about this, nothing and other normal men my father also doesn’t know about this. Then doctor continued “it is a disease in which liver itself destroys other body parts. In medical science it has no cure.”

“What do you mean to say doctor?”

“I am afraid that your daughter is heading towards… towards death.”

The last word hit like a bullet to my father. He stood in silence there. No this is not true, this is a dream or… or someone is fooling me. Yes, someone is fooling me. The heart was making stories to deny what he heard, but mind knows that it is true. Yes, someone fooled me, my god fooled me. Thoughts like this were drowning father in the river of sorrows. But then doctor gave a little sign of hope:

“But one patient survived from this disease. She was of same age as your daughter; she was cured in Delhi’s MH. You should take your daughter there, may be the same miracle happens with your daughter also.”

Next day my father took her to Delhi.

CHAPTER-6

10 days before…

From my father’s view…

On her way to Delhi, I was with her. She was lying on the stretcher unconsciously. I was watching her and remembering every second of our past life. It was like time was running back slowly and steadily. Every memory of her added one more tear in my eyes. How beautiful and innocent she was when the nurse handled her in my hands. She was my dream, my life, my… everything. Her style of announcing alphabets ‘L, M, N, O, P’ still forces me to smile. Instead of these alphabets she pronounces ‘l, o, mano, p’. Everything, I remembered everything from the first toy she bought to the first day she wore a saree

Things can change so quickly in life, no one can imagine. Just 15 days before, I was planning her about her marriage. Every father has this dream that his girl get married in a very good family. Every father has this dream that his girl live happily in her family. Every father has a dream that his girl make him grand father. But none of the father has ever dreamt the thing I was facing.

Why me? What have I done wrong? Why the god chose my daughter to face all this? I prayed him in all my life and he gave me this. Why? No, I will not forgive the god if he took my daughter from me. I will not forgive you. You must be the god of others but you cannot do this to me. I swear that if anything happened to her, I will never, ever pray you anything in my life. Never…

We were in Delhi. After all formalities, I reached to the doctor and asked him:

“Is there any hope?”

“Frankly speaking, in my whole carrier your daughter is my fifth patient with this disease and out of them only one survived. Even I don’t know that how she survived. I just want to say believe in god and may be your daughter became the second survivor and if this happened I will definitely do some research to find out how it happened.”

The hope seemed to be diminishing with the passing time. That was the 5^th day in Delhi when doctor said that we can try one operation, liver transplant. It would cost you 30 lakh rupees and the chances of survival are just 5%.

My inner soul was breaking day by day. It was first time ever when I borrowed money to someone. I knew that for returning back money I have to sell everything I have but I wanted my daughter back. I wanted my daughter again…

CHAPTER-7

4 days before…

I wandered everywhere like a beggar. I told my story to everyone I knew but I was only able to collect 10 lakh rupees. I had no idea that from where to collect the remaining money. I was thinking about all this when doctor called me again:

“Mr. Sharma, I am sorry but now there is no hope. Her body is rejecting everything given to her and her liver is rejecting other body parts. I am sorry but this is your daughter’s last stage.”

I was trying to catch the sand in my fist but as everyone knows that it cannot be possible in the same way my daughter’s survival was also impossible. I told it to my wife but she couldn’t stop her. She is mother, she can express her feeling but the boundation is with father, he is expected to control full family and before that he has to control himself.

Somewhere still in my heart there was hope. Hope of a miracle. But the most difficult time was near, I had to inform about all this to my son. He had no idea what was going to happen with her sister, with her best friend. I had no courage of this so I gave this job to my wife. She told her to pray for her sister. The message was clear and loud to him that his sister is in danger. Prayers started everywhere. Everyone was waiting that someday a miracle will happen. But all the prayers resulted in vain. Doctor reported me of her death.

The first person I called was my wife. I said nothing; I just cried and put the phone down.

EPILOGUE

10^th may, 5 pm…

From my view…

The van from the hospital was standing outside our home. Everyone rushed towards the gate to have the last glimpse of my sister but I was standing meters away from the van and my body was shivering, I wanted that someone come to me and say that don’t worry Beta, you have just seen a bad dream, now wake up. But somewhere I knew that it is true, your sister is no more.

I was about to faint when someone caught me and advised me to see her sister last time. I refused; I had no courage to do that. Then my father came to me, he took me to my sister and shown me her face and I burst out in tears. Then I came to know what bursting of tears is? Within 2 hours we were at the place where the final ceremony of every one of us takes place. We were ready to fire her up. I was not crying at that moment but with the fire my eyes again burst out. This was the last separation of ours. Good bye, Didi, I will miss you, bye…

Next few days spent with the arrival of many people. Everyone came, listen and go. Some of them cried, some of them gave advice to face this difficult time. With the passage of time, pain of ours got lower down a bit. But my pain started to increase because of aloneness. I started to remain isolated to others. I was trying to settle down my pain in the depth of my heart but no, it always remains at the top.

From childhood I wanted to have internet. I wanted that I could chat with all type of people around the world. So one day my father asked me about this, would I want him to install internet so I refused. Because may be I started to like the isolation from everyone but my father read my heart, he installed internet within 2 or 3 days.

Unhappily I started using internet but I didn’t chat with anyone. One day I don’t know how I clicked on orkut option from Google’s page. I knew how to use this application so I did enjoy doing orkuting.

One day I opened my account; there was someone’s friend request for me. It was the first friend request came to me. When I read the name I got spell bounded. The name was Deepshikha Sharma. I quickly opened the profile. My eyes stuck on her date of birth that was 5^th January, 1988; same as my real sister had.

I quickly scraped her:

“Who are you?”

After some time came the reply:

“Some good byes are not the last one…”

She is still with me, she still fights with me, I don’t know what is natural and what is supernatural, the only thing I know is SHE IS WITH ME.

 

-THE END-

THANKS A LOT FRIENDS TO FIND SO PRECIOUS TIME FROM YOUR LIFE TO READ MY STORY. I REQUEST FOR FEW MORE SECONDS OF YOUR IN POSTING COMMENTS.

THANK YOU…