An Eternity of Pure Love

He turned.

Uh oh!

Please God! Don’t make me do any stupidities right now and get me embarrassed.

Okay, he wasn’t the only one who turned. My entire class was staring at me now. I slowly stood up.

“Come dear, come to the front of the class”, the teacher smiled at me encouragingly.

Great! I didn’t even know what the teacher was calling me for. I had been busy trying to get glimpses of him, without him noticing it. I had heard my name being called in between, and that’s when I had come to my senses, but by then the teacher was calling me to the front.

And I had absolutely no clue for what!

“Ma’am .. I …er…”, I trailed off, unsure what to say. “It’s okay dear, you don’t have to be tensed. Sing whatever you know.”

Sing?

SING?

She was calling me to sing in front of my entire class???

WHAT THE HECK??!!!!

“Ma’am!! But I don’t sing, ma’am!”, I said defensively.

“But your friends say you sing very well”, the teacher said, smiling around at the girls.
I looked around at them, feeling betrayed. God why!! Who said that? I’m gonna murder that idiot after this; must be Isabelle or Cindy, my closest friends.

I do sing, but not that well. I mean, at least, I cant sing in front of a crowd. My voice always trembles when I sing in public, humiliating me without a doubt.
Urghh!!!

“Ma’am but…”

“Come dear, don’t waste time. It’ll be fine. Nobody is going to laugh at you, if you make a mistake or anything”

“Ma’am!”

She motioned for me to come forward. Exasperated, I pushed my chair back, and walked towards the front of the class. Ma’am smiled and moved further to the right, to give me the whole attention of the class.

I looked around, the familiar feeling of stage fright building up inside me. Usually this doesn’t happen. I’m someone who participates in speeches, elocutions, compares for shows in my college. But singing was different. I could sing well to my very close friends and family. But in public?

Nope! That’s the best way for me to get humiliated. And here I am, ready to do it again.

*deep breath* once

Okay, I’ve heard that three deep breaths help in reducing this horrible feeling inside my chest. But that stuff never worked for me.

Never!

I looked at the teacher and she smiled encouragingly.

*another deep breath*

I cleared my throat. “Hi everyone….”, I smiled weakly,”erm… okay… I’l TRY to sing now…please bear with me.”

Blank expressions on every single face. How encouraging! I thought sarcastically.

“Okay, this is a tamil song…and… umm I’m not a tamilian… so er… if there are any mistakes, pronunciation or otherwise I apologize now itself.”

No change in expressions. They were waiting for my song, not my speech.

*sigh*

I hummed and began my song, praying desperately that my voice doesn’t let me down. It shook in the beginning, but I took all my strength and tried to sustain it. I could feel my throat and my abdominal muscles clench, in the effort, but what surprised me was that it kind of worked.

Wow! That’s a new thing.

I sang for a about 3 minutes and halfway through, I felt quite comfortable singing, and thankfully I ended it smoothly.

Okay! This never happened to me before.

*applause*

There were smiles on some faces. Others commenting to their neighbors. I looked at ma’am and she came to me grinning broadly.

“Wow! That was amazing Cinthia! I see your friends were completely right”

I smiled, unsure whether it was actually good, or did she just say that so as not to hurt my feelings. Common courtesies and formalities, you know.

“How long since you have been learning music, dear?”,she asked.

I blinked at her.”I.. erm .. ma’am I’m not classically trained”, I said shyly, wondering what her response will be.

*silence*

Ma’am looked at me confused. “Pardon me, dear?”. “Ma’am I havn’t learnt music formally.”

She was shocked. She looked at me admiringly, and started clapping again.

Okay now this is embarrassing. I wish I could take a glance at him, just to see his expression, to see if he was smiling, or mocking at me, or…

Ma’am was involved in her praise for me, and to be frank I dint listen to half of it. I just kept smiling humbly at her.

**************************

“Idiot!! Who asked you to say my name, stupid?”

“Hey..hey!! stop!!! Cinthia!!!” I was trying to hit Isabelle with my book, and she was blocking it.

“Cinths, c’mon you sing excellently. You need to show that out idiot, not keep it hidden”, she said hiding behind my other friends.

“Get lost!”, I said and put the book back in my bag. They were all laughing. They had all praised me for my singing, but still… stupid Cindy!

We were all packing our bags to leave, after the class. Cindy is my bestie, and now she was grinning at me. I grinned back, throwing my pencil pouch at her. “Ouch!”

“Cinthia?”

I turned around to see who had called me, and my heart skipped a beat.

HIM!!!!!!

“Oh!! Hi.”, I said, smiling at him, trying not to be calm and composed, and not embarrass myself. He smiled back, and I felt I could fly away from the spot.

“Hey I just thought I’d say congrats. You have an amazing talent, you know.”

*bliss*bliss*

“Oh, well..umm thnx..”, I said,” but I do have to improve a lot.”

He smiled,”That’s there. Nobody can be perfect.” I nodded.

Silence..

Awkward silence…

He was looking at me, and I kept shifting my gaze here and there. Cindy cleared her throat loudly and went outside.

Great! I thought, slightly nervous, a weird feeling in my chest. The whole class was empty now except for the two of us. Cindy reached out and waited there.

“Um.. you have an awesome voice…. very soft.. soothing”, he said, his deep male voice flowing like a breeze over me.

My breath was going abnormally, and I was wishing desperately that he would not hear my heartbeats, which was beating like drums inside me.

Whats happening to me? This doesn’t happen when I talk to other guys.

“Oh!” I was lost for words. I did’nt know what else to say.

He moved slightly towards me, and I automatically took a step back. He noticed it, and looked at me confused, and I regretted doing it.

He moved closer, and the rhythm of my heartbeats increased. He gazed steadily into my eyes, and I tried with all my strength to do the same, with utmost difficulty.

I could feel him now, he was that close, slightly towering over me. He bent his head down, his hair brushing my forehead.

“Alvin, I don’t think…..”, before I could complete, his lips touched mine, slowly and softly, melting into mine and molding it with a magic I can never explain. His hands moved up to hold my chin, brushing and caressing my neck and cheeks and I moved mine to hold his hair, twisting the thick curls of hair at the back of his head, between my fingers, pulling his head closer to mine…

Someone cleared their throat, and we broke apart. It was Cindy, but she was nowhere to be seen. We were staring at each other, panting slightly.

He smiled slowly, amusement crystal clear in his jet black eyes, and I shyly shifted my gaze down, feeling completely elated,confused, amazed, horrified and I don’t know what not.

Alvin took his bag which he had dropped on a table before, took something from it and came back towards me. He lifted my left hand and swiftly slid the ring, he was holding into my ring finger, and then moved back.

Before leaving, he looked back one last time and said “I’ll always be there for you, Cinthia.” and he was gone.

I stood there staring at the empty doorway, wondering if what had happened was some sort of a dream or hallucination.

“Cinthia! Are you planning to come out in this century?”, asked Cindy irritated, with her head tilted to one side and her hands on her hips, peeping through the doorway.

I picked up my bag, and ran to her, filled with happiness, same time embarrassed. She must have seen everything. I blushed.

“I’m so sorry.. I mean… Alvin…”, I said running beside her towards the hostel,”He er… just wanted to congratulate me…”, I said.

“Alvin?”

“Umm yeah… I mean back there in class…?”

Cindy stopped on her tracks, and looked at me, confused. I stopped and blinked at her. Then she sighed,”Please don’t tell me you saw Alvin again!”

Huh?

“What do you mean? He was right there! You saw him too right?”

Cindy hit her forehead with her palm and sat on the stone bench which was on the way.

Huh? Whats wrong with her.. she was the one who coughed knowingly and went outside, giving us our privacy.

Cindy sighed and got up. “Cinthia. Look at me!”, she put both her palms on my cheeks and pulled up my face to look at her. I don’t know why, but my eyes were starting to fill up.

“Look. I know its hard, but you have to accept the truth okay? Alvin is gone. He is not gonna come back. You know that right?”

Tears were falling now, and i couldn’t control it.

I dint want to control it.

“You loved him more than your life, I know Cinths. He knows it too. But do you think he’ll be happy up there, if you spend each of your days like this?”

I dint want to believe it but some part of me realized it was the truth.

Cindy pulled me closed and hugged me tight.

“Its okay sweetheart. We are all there for you…and Alvin was the luckiest guy to even get to know you… do you hear me.. ?” I nodded, hot tears still trickling down my cheeks.

Her phone rang, and she fumbled in her bag to pick the mobile. She moved a little further away and told whoever it was, that she’ll call later, and turned towards me.

“Cinthia?”

She looked around, searching for me everywhere.

“CINTHIA!” She turned around in all possible directions searching for me.

I was sitting there right in front of her, but she couldn’t see me…

She wouldn’t see me…

Ever again…

I felt a hand on my shoulder…

Alvin..

I stood up and he pulled me closer, smiling down at me like an angel, silently wiping away my tears, as together we looked on at the living Cindy ,who was now on the verge of tears, searching desperately for someone who dint exist anymore…

Someone who had taken away her life, to be with her life, HER life…Alvin

I put my head on his chest, and he held me close, as I stared at Cindy, who finally realized she had hallucinated about me and was now sitting on the bench, crying into her hands, covering her face…

I couldn’t bear to see it anymore…

The pain of separation, that haunts us one way or the other… Irrespective of whatever sacrifices you do….

I slowly shifted my gaze to the ring he had put on my finger years back…

It glistened in the sunlight; the letters A ans C carved in white gold, glittering… inter wined together….

Destined to be in the same way forever…

Alive or not…

__END__