Catharsis – Short Story Friends

The diary lay open in her lap, wet winds whipped through the pages mercilessly. Only two words ‘Dear Diary’ could be read. The rest was smudged. She had just begun to pen down her thoughts when the call had come.

She sat alone on the wooden stairs outside her apartment. It had been raining since morning. The stairs were still damp from the rain. But she didn’t care. In fact she didn’t feel anything.

She sat there staring blankly at the grey sidewalk. The fallen leaves made it look messy.

She loved rains. It was her elixir. The sound of the water stem tickling down the window pane made her happy. After the rains would stop she would stand under the red maple tree in her backyard inhaling the smell of the wet earth and spreading her arms to the water drops that fell on her as the silent zephyr caressed the water laden leaves.

She missed home. The new country and its people would make her homesick. Mostly she missed Samar – every moment of solitude, would make her soul yearn for his presence, his touch, his care. She never cried in front of him, because she didn’t want to make him anxious. More than her own pain of living away from everyone, she was always concerned about not giving the slightest trouble to him.  He matter the most to her. More than anyone or anything.

The day her heart had overflowed with loneliness, she had cried under the maple tree. That day the first rain of the season had drenched her. The showers kissed her cheeks and wiped away her tears, caressed her tenderly back to happiness, just like Samar. She had felt at home for the first time. She felt Samar in every drop of rain that kissed her. From then rains became her companion, offering her moments of belonging, of love she missed so badly.

But today everything looked pale, messy, irritating. The low hum of the rains was making her nauseous.

Another failed relationship. Another heartbreak. A  mere phone call changed her world.

Samar was getting married. The man she thought was her soul mate was going to become someone else’s soul mate.

I cannot go against my parents. Hope you understand. Life will be ok, trust me, just try – those were his last words. Might be he said something more, but her senses had betrayed her by then. She was surprised how she didn’t even try to protest once. Not even one argument demanding an explanation. She had just cut the call and switched off the mobile.

For the next five minutes she stood unmoved. She needed to do something but couldn’t figure out what. Her whole world had come crashing down, but she was strangely calm. The calmness before a storm.

She loved to love. And she loved with all genuineness, even the two guys who left her in a lurch, before Samar came.

Samar was a tempest and she was vulnerable. She had never met anyone like him. He was full of life and love. In no time he had become her world. She knew she wouldn’t be able to afford another heartbreak still she couldn’t stop herself from getting drawn towards him. Samar had overshadowed every good and bad things of her past and present. She couldn’t see beyond him. They were in love, they indeed were.

The wind was harsh and cold. It was trying to blow away the unwilling string of water droplets drooping from the railing. She ran her finger through the tiny droplets clinging to the cold iron railing. She collected it in her palm. They felt cold, almost as cold as her heart felt.

Is it this easy to walk away? Is this what they mean when they say a graceful exit? If he knew his contingencies why did he make promises? Why did he make me smile when I had forgotten to? Why did he forcefully bring me back to life, when I had learnt to live as dead? Why can’t he feel anything when he is ripping my heart apart?

The rain was becoming restless. It was always used to wiping her tears and get her sunshine smile back. But today she wasn’t crying. Not even a single tear. The rain was confused; it didn’t know how to soothe her. It just wished she would cry. Once.

But she didn’t.

She could hear the rain vociferously lashing against the glass window. Even if it was dark outside she could make out. As if it was angry on her for blocking it outside. It wanted to come inside and talk with her, sooth her. Perhaps the rain was the only faithful companion who couldn’t leave her in this state.

She sat on the bed holding a small wooden heart. On it was written – ‘Till the time we are together, everything will fall in place’. Samar had thrust it in her hands just before she kissed him goodbye at the Delhi airport. She felt each word with her fingers. They still felt so believable.

She placed it carefully on the bedside table. The golden heart shimmered in the faint light of the room. She looked at it and sighed. Perhaps for the first time.

She took the glass from the table. All the nineteen tablets had uniformly dissolved leaving behind a clear looking water.

She drank her new elixir. The rain protested helplessly outside her window.

She switched off the lights and sank inside the warmth of the soft quilt. The sound of the rain went into oblivion.

There was loud thumping on the door.

She partly opened her eyes. A searing pain shot through her head. She groggily made her way to the door.

“Jesus are you ok child?” Mrs Jonson, her landlady was at the door.

“Yeah…kind of” she voice was getting muddled.

“I was knocking from long, and when you didn’t open I was worried”

“I’m fine”

“Good, your mother had been calling since morning, seems like she couldn’t get your cell”

She apologized Mrs Jonson for the trouble and thanked her. Unsteadily she went back to her bed and picked up the phone. The phone was still switched off.

Was this a dream? Just a feeling ? 

The ring was going.

“Hello dear whats the matter you are ok na?” It was her mom.

“Sorry ma, cell conked off”

“It’s ok, I can understand. I just called to wish you happy Birthday dear”

It was her birthday? It meant she was still alive. But what happened to the nineteen tablets she consumed? Adulterated? Couldn’t possibly be. Her head was still throbbing.

“Thanks ma…” She mumbled almost inaudibly.

“Love you dear and we miss you a lot. Enjoy your day”

She kept the phone and sat there numbly. She vaguely remembered she had thrown up late night. It was terrible.

She covered her face with her hands. Even fate was not on her side. It would not let her do anything she wanted.

Her cell beeped to life again. And it went on beeping thereon. After half an hour she sat dumbfounded by the number of birthday messages that had come in. So many people remembered it was her birthday? But she never knew she had so many friends. She felt a warm lump in her throat.

Her cell began to ring. An unknown number from India.

“Hello” She said. Her voice quivered.

“Hi, can you identify me?” The male voice sounded familiar. The crankiness in the voice was known. Her mind was in a blur, she couldn’t think.

“Sorry…I don’t”

“I knew you wouldn’t” snapped the voice. “I’m Pratyush”

“Goodness. After so long. How are you?” Suddenly she felt a rush of joy forgetting the throbbing pain.

“You never cared to keep in touch with your friends. But we never forgot you.” he said.

“Yeah I know” She felt guilty how she had sidelined all her friends, when she had met love in her life.

“So what’s the plan today? Partying?”

“No, just sulking at home”

“Ok then come to downtown, let’s meet and try to make you less sulky”

Downtown? Did he say downtown?

“Is this a joke?” she demanded. She remembered the times they used to play pranks on each other.

“Miss this is positively no joke and I’m waiting here at Starbucks on Crawford street along with Minal and Amay.  Just to satiate your further question, we just landed two days ago and  are here for the next couple of months for a project. Now would you mind hurrying up?”

“But…you are calling from an Indian number!”

“That’s because we didn’t want to drown the surprise element. I wanted to hear this ring in your voice miss rip-van-winkle. Also I will wish you only once you are here. That’s your punishment for keeping away for so long”

“I’ll be there shortly” She kept the phone. The warm lump in her throat had become warmer.

Her long lost friends were here.  The friends for whom she never cared when she was ricocheting between one failed relationship to another. The people who had formed her support system once had lost their significance due to a new feeling, she thought of as love. And now when she was all alone again. It’s them who wanted to brighten her up, just as they used to. What did she do in life to deserve this love?

And before she knew, tears tickled down her cheeks. She was crying. Finally.

Her head still felt heavy but her heart felt warm. The weather had cleared up. The morning sun was soft and loving. She went and stood under the maple tree spreading her arms. The wind passed and made the water droplets fall on her. It was happy, she was happy.

Her friends still loved her. Her parents still needed her. She had to live. And she had to live for them. These people who mattered the most.

She took a deep breath and walked into the grey sidewalk. The air was heavy with the smell of the wet earth.

She would rise like a phoenix. Again.

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