A Smiling Sunset!

It was not just another first day at school.

Yes, it was the same laziness, pinch of excitement and hangover of a hectic vacation; yet it was not just another first day at school.

It was the day when I would have butterflies in my stomach when she passes by me. It was the day when I would see her smile and feel that the world is so beautiful. It was the day when my heart would skip a beat if she accidentally looks at me. It was the day when I was going to fall for her all over again after a cruel void of 34 days and 16 hours. I felt her innocence and gorgeousness must be missing my silent appreciation all this while.

After spending more than half of last year wordlessly loving her, it was my new (academic) year resolution to express my feelings at the most suitable, most promising situation. I wanted to get through it at the earliest and get her answer. Being an optimist I do not normally say this but, probably I was too eager to face the consequences.

The situation was like an iceberg; it was way more than what met eyes. There were adequate facts that would justify my readiness for ‘consequences’. Rule one; coming from a conservative family, you cannot fall in love. Rule two; if you fall in love, not in school at least. Even if somehow you manage to escape from these two, when you fall in love with a girl two years elder, you are no less than a criminal. And when she is not your religion, you are dead; dead as a drum. I had all these feathers in my cap and yet I was good to go. I was weirdly proud of myself.

I parked all these realistic alarms along with my cycle. I reached school earlier than the peons. On the scale of 10, my anxiety was at 11. I had hardly slept through the night. The fantasy of her looking into my eyes and giving me a smile was enough for me to spend a sleepless night.

Just as school started to crowd, my eyes kept scanning through for a face that had taken my breath away over last six months.

“Hey Darling, missing me?” And I felt a big thump on my back. I turned and not much to my surprise that was Nandu, my best friend since the time I can remember. A laughter echo like that of a nineties’ Hindi movie villain enhanced his drama. I returned favor by a punch to his chest and a buddy hug followed.

“So, what’s new Sammy?” he asked, a little sophisticated this time.

“Nothing.” my eyes were still hunting for diamond in coal mine.

“Hmm… So, you are still in the ‘I miss you!’ mode. I guess movies, cricket and playstation during the whole vacation were not good enough for Mister Shyam Vardhan to lose focus off Miss Sana Joseph, hmm? Dude, I am worried for you.” He winked, I almost ignored.

An intelligent friend is an asset especially when he knows you well; as well as you know yourself. He was right. It was going to be bad. My ardor for my desire and subsequent actions were well-known to him ever since kindergarten days.

“Where is she? Why is she late? Has she changed school? Oh, has she changed school? No, No, can’t be.” I didn’t realize I was actually saying this until I saw Nandu smiling mischievously.

“Let’s go, she will not disappoint you.” the naughty Nandu surfaced as we headed towards class.

“Yes, she won’t.” Self motivation is the only fuel that can keep the wheel rolling in one way traffic of love.

**

My struggle to get a glimpse of her was going to ease out this year. One of the many reasons why I was happy about today was the location of my new classroom, 10-A; situated perfectly opposite 12-C, Sana’s. I was happy about it, very happy. I and Nandu started our hunt for our new seat for the year. We always shared bench, always!

We chose our bench wisely so that I could see almost entire of her classroom from a corner of the eye. A little strategy is essential for any war and every love.

She was sitting right there in a knee high grey skirt and a white top that was shining just about as much as detergent advertisements claim. I was jealous of her loosened tie for hugging her all day. Pink hair band was in a competition with her to win the cuteness award. Long beautiful fingers playing with her hair were so damn enviable. Sparkling eyes were blinking with the intension to shoot me point-blank. That innocence was worth dying for. No wonder, to guys, why one of the most desirable one is a girl in her school uniform; raw and pure.

“Good morning students!” from Mrs. Banerjee broke into my reverie. I missed a beat. It took me a moment and a glance again at her classroom to come back from a distant delusion. She had disappeared. I hate such day dreams; or should I say, I hate returning from such day dreams. I was saddened, once again.

“Good morning ma’m.” class chorused.

“So how was your vacation?” Mrs. Banerjee asked with her trademark smile.

“Tooooo short!” Nandu replied in a split second. Everyone enjoyed the quickie from the little master and applauded. Nandu was a popular character in the school, thanks to both his wit and sh*t.

“Here you are Mister Nandish Sharma. I will surely convey your feelings to the principal.” Mrs. Banerjee had a humor bone too.

I left the conversation there and went back to my fantasy class.

Why hasn’t she come yet? Is there something wrong? She has to be fine.

Just as I was getting a little worried, a tall, pretty and a little worried young girl appeared from stairs. Sana! A bright ray of sunshine rose from the sea. Birds flew over my head. A cuckoo started singing to me. Violins started playing. Butterflies woke up inside my stomach. My lips widened. My eyes twinkled.

She walked swiftly down the lobby. She was late and she knew it. I could make out from her gestures that she was breathing heavily; but not as heavily as I was. My heart was overjoyed like a kid on a swing in the park.

“May I come in sir?” I could listen to her clearer. May be I chose to listen to her than Mrs. Banerjee. Selective use of hearing sense, I guess. I was thrilled seeing her. I could not resist a smile.

“Happy?” a whisper on my left ear brought me back to my classroom. It was Nandu.

I nodded, smiled. Nandu patted me on thigh.

My focus panned to her. Much to my delight, she had settled on a seat that was convenient to me. It was the time to relive my day dream. I took a deep breath and tried to zoom in as much as I could.

Beauty personified was right in front of me. How can someone be so beautiful, so innocent? Her grey skirt, white top and a loose tie were enhancing her cuteness. I missed her hair band though. For a change, there was a purple bandana on her head, very neatly and gracefully tied. It looked beautiful too. She had got some classy fashion sense. How can something associated with her be short of stunning?

“Yes, mister topper. Is there something outside that we all should be watching? Please share.” Mrs. Banerjee interrupted my thoughts as hard as Nandu poked me.

“Yes, Yes ma’m! I mean, no ma’m.” my tongue fumbled as I stood up.

“So, how was your vacation? Anything exciting you want to share with the class?”

My most exciting activity of the vacation would have been most interesting for almost the entire class, had I shared. I decided against it.

“Not really ma’m.” I kicked Nandu for enjoying my discomfort.

“I hope you further raise your bar of topping the class and also top the board this year.” She seemed more confident than hopeful about that. I smiled. I did not want to publicize promise to myself for topping board exams.

Bell rang and I was rescued.

For the whole day my eyes and mind kept shuttling between 10-A and 12-C. My patience, impatience, anxiety, excitement, nervousness and countdown to this day were all worth it. She looked as graceful and pleasant as ever. However there was an evident difference in her compared to how I had seen her last. The ever bubbly charming personality had turned into a little dull and tired one. Nothing was compromised but the spark was missing. I was puzzled. I couldn’t stop thinking about what could it be.

I had another sleepless night, for a different reason. It was difficult to get my mind off the fact that she was not the same. Her smile was different. Something was definitely different. Something was unusual.

**

The next day at school started more dramatically than I would have imagined.

I was lost in thoughts as I approached sidewalk. It was sort of desolate section of campus. Atypical murmuring struck my ears. It was from the other side of the wall. I went closer. I normally don’t do that. I am an introvert who likes to mind his own business. The whole scene seemed a little suspicious. Amongst usual noise around, I tried to focus on what was being said. It was very faint. I glued my right ear to the wall. Someone was crying. I concentrated more. That was a girl.

“I need you.” She said in between sobbing.

“I don’t care. We cannot be together anymore and you know that. And you know why too.” A manly voice replied.

“You cannot do this to me. This is the time when I need you the most.” weeping became clearer, probably louder.

“Don’t you understand what I am saying? Why don’t you get it? I have my whole life in front of me. I can’t stay stuck with you.” he was firm and rude.

“I am not asking for anything more than just holding my hands. Can’t you, please? I need you.” she was almost begging.

What you hear may be different than what you see. I was unable to resist my willingness to see what was going on.

Before I could peek, he said, “I got to go. Bye.”

A moment later, a handsome guy appeared from behind the wall and went rushing by me. I felt like being caught red handed while stealing. I looked here and there to hide my embarrassment and pretended as if I didn’t have a clue about the episode on the other side of the wall. He glared at me but continued walking. He was angry and irritated. His face seemed familiar. As a clue for me, he was in our school dress.

I was still curious to find out about the other side of the wall. I gathered courage and peeked a little. A cream bag was resting next to the wall; it had a big orange sunflower’s print. A girl was standing with her back facing me. She was looking down, particularly at nothing. Red scarf was extending till her neck. She was still crying. In fact she was crying more than before. I feel awkward in situations like these. I wanted to comfort her as much as I wanted to run away. Dilemmas are not for people with weak decision power. My wrist watch decided my choice for me. It beeped. She turned. That was Sana!

I was stunned. The girl of my dreams, the girl whom I had always seen smiling, the girl whom I always wanted to see smiling, the girl whose smile used to make my day, the girl for whose smile I wanted to be the reason, was shattered in tears. Her eyes were red and swollen. She had cried more than I had heard. She abruptly stopped crying and started wiping her face. She was embarrassed. I was too. She did not want anyone to know about what happened. She bent to pick up her bag and started to leave.

“It’s ok.” I do not know from where I could excavate the guts to say that; more importantly, at that time.

She stopped. She did not want to make an eye contact with me. I permitted.

“It’s ok. See, I do not know what is wrong, but whatever it is, I am sure there will be a way to get through it. Please don’t cry. Please.”

She looked at me. Her eyes were asking a few questions. Before I could shuffle my thoughts for a few words, she asked in tattered voice, “Do I know you?”

“Mmmm….No.” I felt sad saying this. I wish you knew me.

“Hmm, so?” she was trying really hard to keep her voice normal.

“I am sorry.” I said. “I was just passing by and overheard your conversation. I am sorry; I did not mean to interfere.”

“Ok” and she started to leave.

I wanted to stop her. I wanted to tell her so much. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling seeing her like that. Only what came out was, “Sana!”

She stopped again, a little surprised. “Do you know me?”

“Well, yes. Actually, no. I mean, I am Shyam, from 10-A. I just know that you are in 12-C. That’s it. Anyways that does not matter. I just want to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

This is not the right time to tell what you actually want to tell her. Be responsible, be sensible, do not ruin this, do what situation demands; comfort her.

“I want to tell you that… mmm… How do I say it?” Even though I was getting a little comfortable with the situation, I could not find words to express what I was feeling. “You are so beautiful and no reason can be big enough so as to bring a tear to your eyes. Please don’t punish yourself. I have no right to tell you what to do or not to do, but I have an advice. Do not let anyone decide lifetime of your smile. Your smile is what you earn by being yourself; value it.”

I was surprised at what I said. This is not anything from what I had rehearsed in my mind a million times as my first conversation with her. I was sounding astonishingly mature in my own ears. I didn’t know how she perceived it.

There was a weird awkwardness about the whole situation. She was taken aback by a stranger’s advice. To fill in the void of the situation, she took out her pink hanky and tried to rub off her sadness along with her tears. It was a failed attempt. She was still standing there. Why? Why is she still waiting here? She wanted to hear more from me but I was running out of words. I hate these situations when I know what I have to do but I don’t know how? I got my next clue when school bell rang.

“Shall we go to class?” I asked as politely as I could.

“You carry on.” She said.

“Ok.” I turned towards lobby.

­­“Shyam!” She said in clearest voice till now.

My tummy tickled. My name never sounded so pleasant to my ears. I turned and smiled, “Yes?”

“Thanks!” With still teary face, her smile looked beautiful.

“Welcome! Take Care.” I had got the perfect closure to the conversation. I had got a smile to her crying face. I felt like a man.

**

 Who was that guy? Why was he so rude? Why was she begging of him?  

A flurry of questions kept flooding my mind the whole day. Finally, I revealed my trump card. Nandu! I narrated the incident to him. His childlike curiosity and detective-like suspicion had always been my savior in situations like these. He was a self proclaimed police officer by birth. Mission given to him was hardly left unaccomplished. I was expecting outcome of the operation within a week.

Nearly a week passed in anxiety. I had not seen her since we had that non-scripted chat. My nights had become sleepless. Days had become dizzy. I had no clue of what did I want to do next. My passiveness had worked as motivation for my detective. He used to stay missing during breaks, to work on the case, I guess. I was running out of patience.

The next morning, first up I asked Nandu for a status update; there was a manager-in-the-making in me.

He looked into my eyes and put his arms on my shoulders. “We are almost there Sammy. Just give me a day, just today.” He seemed confident. I approved.

For the whole day my vision kept panning to her class and returning depressed. I could not wait for the day to end.

The moment Mr. Sharma finished history lecture and put his foot outside class, Nandu said, “Let’s Go!”

“Where?” I queried.

“Come on, take your bag. Make it quick. We got to move before teacher comes in.” and he started packing his bag. He was stuffing it more than packing.

“Huhh!!?” I was puzzled. “We still have a lecture to go. Science!” I said in a sincere tone.

“Oh Hello, it is just science, not Rocket Science! So, we are bunking that.” He simplified.

“What? No way! Are you crazy? I have never bunked any class. Why would I bunk? No.” I questioned and answered myself.

“It is about Sana.” He played the Ace.

“Oh, you cracked it?” my tired eyes sparkled.

His proud and a notch egoistic smile answered me and in a moment I went, “Screw science! Let’s go!”

We picked up our bags and hurried out. It was easier because of the usual out of order activities in between the lectures. We ran through the trees on the side of the playground till the backyard of the prayer hall. According to Nandu, it was a safe shelter when you bunk. It was my first official bunk ever. My heart was thumping for two reasons, A, for running so hard and B, for bunking the class and putting my hard earned and prestigious genius-sincere-topper-student impression at stake. Love makes you do things which you would not approve otherwise.

“Tell me, quickly!” I could not wait even to breathe.

“Calm down.”  My Karamchand Jasoos said. “Water?” he offered me a bottle from his bag.

I denied. “Nandu, Stop it. Come to the point.”

He started laughing. He was enjoying my restlessness. He had this habit of exploiting my vulnerability. Eventually he pitied me.

“All right, here you go. Rizwan! That’s his name; popularly known as Romeo. He is Sana’s classmate and….boyfriend….and…dance partner. Yes, she is a dancer, my boy. They are learning dance together at some academy. When of you practice dance together, are good looking and single, it is difficult not to get in a relationship with each other. They have been in a relationship for about a year now.”

I was listening more attentively than I would have attended any lecture. Mixed emotions were flooding into my blood. Nandu’s facts suggested that I should be sad. What I heard from behind the not-so-famous-till-now wall suggested that I have a few reasons to be hopeful.

She has a boyfriend!? But he just dumped her, didn’t he? But she still wants to be with him. But he is not worth it. Why did he dump her? Why was she begging of him? Is it over between them? I hope it is, because he is so not worth her.

Remote thought of them breaking up, boosted my case big time, in my head though. With this ray of a faint hope, I asked, “Anything about the recent developments between them?”

“Not much but Sana has not come to school for last week. Probably after the day you met her. She is not going to the dance class either.”

“How do you know all this?” I was curious.

“Sources my friend, sources!” he winked to thrash all my doubts.

“Hmm.”

“So, what next?” Nandu was curious to know the plan of action.

“I don’t know.” I really didn’t know.

  **

“I will do that ma’m. Allow me.” I stood up with a heavy heap of innovation concepts project assignments.

Mrs. Banerjee wanted me to give my points of view for each concept while she evaluated in the staff room on a holiday. She might have mistaken me for Einstein or someone of that genre. I stacked assignments in the cupboard. The innovation concepts of my brilliant classmates seemed heavy. My arms were paining. If you are intelligent, teachers think you are superman. Being the star of the eyes of Mrs. Banerjee, I had little choice but to help her out with such stuff.

“Thank you Shyam.” She said on a parting note.

“You are welcome ma’m.” I had to say this though I was not willing to spend my holiday like this very frequently. “Shall I leave ma’m?” I asked as an obedient student.

“Sure, sure. Good bye and Thanks again.” Her smile was as graceful as always.

“No Problem.” I left with a smile too.

Missing Sana in school had become a habit for me over last couple of months. She had stopped coming to school. I had a strong feeling about her changing the school. Even though I wanted to change things, I had somehow managed to accept this fact. With these thoughts in a corner of my mind, I went past principal’s cabin. There was a peon standing by the door. Principal used to work often on holidays. It was not unusual. What was unusual was the bag that was outside his room. In a long distance glance, I saw an orange sunflower on it. I stopped and turned back to have a closer look at the bag.

“Kya chahiye?” peon asked.

“Kuchh nahi.” I had to keep the conversation going to stay there. I asked, “Principal Sir hai?”

“Han, busy hai.” I was not even listening to what he was saying. I got a good look at the bag. It was Sana’s bag. The only way that bag can be there is by Sana being inside Principal’s cabin.

“Andar aur koi hai?” I asked the peon.

“Haan, ek student hai.”

“Kaun?” I inquired. He gave me a suspicious look telling that was none of my business.

“Malum nahi, koi ladki hai. Tum ko kya karne ka hai?” he seemed irritated at working on a holiday.

“Kuchh nahi. Aise hi. Thank you.” And I left.

I walked down and waited outside lobby. A few minutes later, Sana appeared. I saw her after weeks. I was delighted.

She was busy adjusting her bag on her shoulders. She was in blue jeans and a red t-shirt. There was a white scarf covering whole of her head. I positioned myself so as she cannot see me. She was walking very slowly. She looked weak and gloomy but adorable.

As she approached staircase, I could not resist.

“Hey!” my voice echoed more than I had thought because of a quiet surrounding on a school holiday.

She stopped and turned slowly.

“Hi Sana. Do you recognize me?” I went towards her. I was badly hoping she recollects me. It was an unasked for test for me.

“Yes mister stranger with an advice.” She smiled. “I remember you…and your advice too.”

I was almost overwhelmed. “Good.” was all I could say.

“So? Studying hard on a holiday?” she tried to dig up to my reason to be there.

“No, just for some help to Banerjee ma’m.”

“Hmmm… Star students! Big responsibilities!” She felt comfortable enough with me to pull my leg. I enjoyed that.

“Nothing like that.” I acted modest.

“I know!!!!” she laughed. I could not get my eyes off her face. A little dull today, but yet she was so beautiful. It was quiet there except her childlike candid laughter.

She was there, right there, standing just an arm away. God was making up for my thirst for last 2 months to get her glimpse. God did a good job!

She coughed. She appeared unwell too. Throat infection, I thought.

“So why are you here today?” I wanted the conversation to go on.

“I needed to meet principal sir.” She kept it simple.

“For?” I detailed my question.

“Nothing.” She was not willing to unveil the details.

I gave a frowning look. She did not care much.

“Ok, I got to go.” She said to my dislike. I wanted her to stay there forever, with me. But I had no reasons to stop her.

“Ok, bye. Take care.” I said as I waved like a kid.

I stayed there to keep her in sight till the last moment I could. She stepped down the stairs towards the sidewalk. As a pleasant surprise to me, she turned and waved a bye. It brought a 32 teeth smile to my face. Before I could cherish the moment completely, she slipped and missed a couple of steps. I ran towards her. However this was just a 4 steps staircase, I almost felt like a hero running to save a heroine from falling over a mountain cliff.

She was fine. She was just sitting instead of standing on the staircase. I bent down to help her get back up. She preferred to stay sat.

“Are you ok?” I was concerned and I wanted to exhibit that too.

“Just a little wobbly. But, I’m fine. Thanks.” She coughed. She tried to get back up. I wanted to seize the opportunity. I offered my hand and……she held it. I had goose bumps. A current ran through my body. She smelled amazing. I held her palm tighter.

I had imagined this moment in my dreams. But, this was far more impactful than that. No matter how exciting you find fantasizing a cricket game, when you actually have a bat in your hands on a dusty ground; it is a different feeling all together.

“Sorry for troubling you.” She said.

“It’s no problem at all.” I meant it.

“And sorry again.” She continued.

“For?” I wondered.

“For forgetting your name.” She smiled with a little embarrassment.

“That’s ok. Shyam, Shyam Vardhan.” Considering the guts I had shown being an introvert, I was no less than a Bond, James Bond.

“Hmmm, Shyam.” She repeated to register, I suppose.

As she tried to get up, she still felt dizzy and could not balance.

“Don’t get up. You need water.” I suggested. “Let me get it. Stay here.”

I ran as hard as I could to get a bottle of water from outside. I did not want to miss a moment of staying close to her. As I came back, what I saw was shocking. Unaware of me standing at a little distance, Sana was tying her scarf that had loosened when she slipped. She removed the scarf to refold it. I could not believe my eyes. She was completely bald. My eyes opened up as wide as an egg. I was stunned.

Is this why she always wore something on her head since school re-opened! Is this why Rizwan had issues with her! Is this why she has been dull! Is this why she has stopped coming to school!

A flurry of questions struck my mind in a split second. I wanted to believe it was a dream, my weirdest dream. I got a reality check when bottle fell down from my hand.

“Shyam?” she was as shocked as I. “Oh, you got water?” She tied her scarf back as quickly as she could. She pretended nothing happened. She hoped, I did not see anything but she knew it was otherwise.

Still stunned, I picked up the bottle and went to her. She had water and composed herself.

She looked at me, into my eyes and smiled. I could not smile. I was not being judgmental but I was still in shock. She knew it.

“Shyam, I know you are shocked. I was too.” she said.

“Whaat?? Wheeen? Hooowww?” I could not find better words.

“Relax.” She said.

“You had so beautiful hair Sana, what happened?” I did not realize what I said.

“Excuse me?” she had a right to ask this.

“I mean, you must have had beautiful hair. What happened?” I did not want to reveal the treasure of my feelings for her. It was not the right time, right place or right situation and most of all, right state of mind.

“What happened? Do you really want to know what happened?” she smiled mysteriously.

“Yes, of course.” I was firm.

“Let me tell you what happened, in one word.” She was getting more mystifying.

“One word??? Ok.” I was getting amused and a little scared too.

She was breathing rigorously. I was too. I had a flood of skeptical feelings storming through me. She broke the shackles and said the word that moved earth beneath me – “Leukemia”.

I froze. I turned stiff like a stone.

There was silence within me. Leaf drop silence. I could not speak or even blink. I just kept looking at her like dumb. She was not looking at me. She was looking down and playing with her fingers. It took me a couple of minutes to reorganize my inner self and absorb the shock.

I did not ask her anything; I couldn’t.

She looked up to me and said, “I got to know four months back. My mom told me when she got reports from doctor after my sudden complains about coughing and fatigue. It was already beyond control when detected. I am on chemotherapy but honestly, I know, I don’t have much left.” She smiled.

Her smile never seemed so helpless. I felt weak too. I did not know what to say.

She continued. “I want to study till I can. On my request, school has allowed me to study from home and appear for examinations too. I had come to meet Principal Sir today regarding examination form. I stay away from coming to school in working day to spare my friends from embarrassment. Actually, I want to dance too. But I can’t. I dance in my mind.”

“Why have you come alone?” I managed to ask this out of my shock.

“I have come with my mom. She is waiting in car outside. I asked her to wait there. I want to feel normal when I come to school, not like an escorted patient. I am strong enough to go through this on my own.” She was strong but a little foolish.

“But what if something would have happened to you today?”

“Nothing would happen. I know I am going to God soon. But he is kind enough to grant me some discount. Today, you were my discount.” She winked. Had she winked fifteen minutes back, I would have been flying. This wink was overshadowed by the facts surrounding it.

“Shut up. Don’t think crap. You are going to be all right. I know it. You will be totally fine. Trust me.” I sat closer to her and held both her hands with mine. I was telling more to myself than to her.

In last fifteen minutes we both had bonded more than we would have ever imagined. We had found friends in each other.

“You have already heard how it went with Rizwan. Why would he be associated with someone like me now? Why would he care? That is fair on his part too. I cannot force him.”  She was telling this to herself.

“See, don’t get me wrong but you wanted someone to hold your hands and just sit with you for a moment, right?” I said. “So here we are.” I smiled after a long time. “I am telling you Sana, you are going to be fine and back to bright life once again. Keep the faith.”

She knew the facts but probably she didn’t want to disappoint me. So she nodded. I understood the sensitivity of the moment. She wanted to be cared about. She wanted to be loved. She just wanted to have someone to tell her it is all going to be ok. This was the moment to express what she meant to me.

“Sana, I want to tell you something.” I entered the one way.

“Hmm?” she was very calm.

“I love you.” I also heard what I said but could not believe. She did not react. She kept looking into my eyes with a pinch of smile on her lips.

I continued, “I never thought I would tell this to you and at least not this way, but here I am. I have loved you since you had no idea that a Shyam exists in this world. I thought, I love you for your beauty, for your innocence and your attractiveness. But I was wrong. Even after seeing you without your scarf today, I have realized, I love you.” I felt good about saying this.

This brought a priceless smile to her face, a big one.

I carried on, “I do not want anything from you. Not because you cannot give anything to me; but because I cannot give anything to you in return. I can’t return the happiness that you have already given me by just being. I just want you to be happy. I want you to know that your smile brings happiness to someone. So do not underestimate power of your smile. Make most of it. “

I was still wondering if I was actually saying this looking into her eyes and holding her hands. I had unwrapped my long swathed heart for her in last few minutes. She was smiling throughout.

“Thank you. Thank you for loving me and wishing good for me.” She said.

“It is my pleasure, always.” I winked.

“I should be leaving. I am not feeling well.” She said. I could see pain in her expressions. Her body had turned out to be fragile. I held her hand. She stood up and started to leave.

“Sana!” I stopped her. She turned around.

“Promise me something?” I requested.

“What?”

“You will not think negative about your physical circumstances ever. You are going to be fit and back to normal life very soon. I know that. Let us fight your physical weakness with mental strength; you and me, together. Please co-operate with my prayers.”

She nodded and carried on. I followed her from a distance till she left in her car.

**

My world had turned upside down since that afternoon. I could not think beyond praying for her wellness. There was next to none scope of getting to know anything about her condition. Even Nandu’s sources had failed this time. She had isolated herself from school.

About a month later, as I reached school; I saw everyone assembled in the lobby. There was lot of whispering. I saw Nandu standing aside, waiting for me.

“What happened?” I asked quietly.

Without a word, he hugged me first. “I am sorry Sammy. She disappointed you.”

“Whha..Whaat?” I choked.

“Sana has left her smile in your memories forever.” Nandu was sad, for me, for her. His eyes were moist. I had hardly seen this side of his. “She fought hard, very hard; but quit two days back. She was a brave girl. Principal Sir has put a notice about this. We are observing a day off in her memory today. I wish her soul rests in peace!”

My strength collapsed down my knees and earthed. I could not stand. All my prayers had gone unanswered. I was angry, very angry. I had no words to say.

“Sammy, I know this isn’t the right time but before I forget, take this.” Nandu handed over a red envelope to me. “Shankar, our peon asked me to give it to you.” He explicated. “He said some lady gave him.”

“Let’s go home” I said. I wanted to be alone, as much as I could. We left.

Just as I was going for my cycle, I saw the wall that had made a special place in my heart. I went there, just stood there. May be I was trying to relive the moments that were never going to return.

After reaching home, I threw bag and myself on bed. I put envelop on side table. Something told me to open envelop. I picked it up and opened carefully.

There was a paper, probably a letter. It was neatly written in decent handwritings.

I unfolded. It read…

Dear Stranger,

Oh, I mean, Shyam, Shyam Vardhan! J

I hope you are keeping good and kind as you have always been. I am pushing myself hard towards staying good too.

I am writing this to Thank You! I have not been able to thank you as enough as I would have liked to. Our short but strong bond has given me strength to sustain the pain and strain positively. I never got a chance to tell you but your few words in a couple of little conversations of ours have changed my way of looking at things, looking at my life, how much ever is left with me. You have motivated me to stay and feel alive when the string of my life seems to be stretching every passing day. Your words have been my strength all this while. Thank You!

A secret I want to share with you. I knew about your feelings for me. They were evident. Your eyes spoke for you. J

Yes, we girls have that secret sense of natural judgment in these matters. You were also conscious about your average looks whenever we crossed paths. Just for your information, girls are fond of intelligent men more than just handsome. Anyways, you are not bad at either. You have a fair chance. Stay You!J

Until I met you, I was always loved for my appearance, not for who I was. That day, on the staircase, those 15 minutes were one of the best 15 minutes of my life. There are very few better feelings than knowing that you are loved, by a pure heart, for no reasons, for just being yourself. When you are loved above the appearances and physicality, you are blessed. Even after seeing my appearance and imagining my future, you still loved me. I could see that in your eyes and feel in your touch. I did not say ‘I love you too’ because I do not want you to be weak. For me or for anyone, I do not want you to cry.

By the time you read this letter, I may be long gone. I want you to promise me something. Promise to be yourself and be happy. Keep making yourself proud and me too. I am leaving a part of me with you as a token of our short and strong connection. Value it and pamper it. God Bless You!

Love,

Sana…

I smelled the letter, kissed it. I wiped my tears and closed my eyes with a smile.
__END__