I felt my ears suddenly more cold, realizing that it has been hit by a chilly air sneaking in through a window opening. I pushed the bus window close with a little bit more force than usual due to its jamming because of the rain. It was a rainy winter night as i was traveling from my college to home. A series of LED lights were blinking on periphery of front windshield, its light bright enough to judge a person’s gender and size sitting on the Volvo bus well cushioned seats. A lady was caressing her child’s hair as he felt asleep resting his head on her lap while her eyes gazing the trees outside as we crossed a dense forest.
Every one else was sleeping but a girl seated alone on a seat meant for two people just to one row front of me but to the left. Her right thumb pushing down a playlist of songs she was hearing with earphones on, on her iPhone. Enrique, it was, its sound high enough for me to sense the beat. Her face brightly lit by the phone’s brightness. Wow! She was as beautiful as … i don’t know what. I kept peeking on her from side of my eyes until out of nowhere a voice came within me,”Oh come on you moron, nobody can see you looking at her in this darkness, look properly.” As with the case with every boy, i imagined me conversing with this beautiful girl.
And here it goes: “Hi, so you listening to Enrique?” i said as i pictured myself approaching her.
“Oh, yes! His latest album. I simply love..” I asked whether i can sit next to her interrupting her.
“Oh sorry! Yes please sit”, her voice loud enough to wake a couple sleeping resting on each other on the next seat.
“Thanks” i said,”I guess you are from Yamuna medical college, right?” guessing a college name near our university.
“Yes” she exclaimed, “How do you know?”
“You know this social network these days”
“Oh, seems like someone peeking on me”
“No, just went through…” And suddenly an infant cry was heard, with me jolted back to reality.
Most of the passengers were awake by now, thanks to the unexpected alarm.
I again gazed at my subject of interest, and this time few strands of hair were hanging vertically just to make her look more beautiful in that little brightness of her device. Gradually, i drifted back towards my ‘imagination’ process and i started calculating the possibility of me approaching her and our conversation going exactly on the same track as i have been imagining. “Oh boy, come-on give it a shot, think what worse can happen if it goes wrong” again came a voice inside me. Then i thought, yeah! even if i approach her what worse can happen, and i can not think of me going to jail for terrorism charges or being brutally beaten up by public, so i decided to stand up and approach her.
“No, first make a solid start up plan, what are you going to say her” again a part of me spoke up.
Okay, i thought and made another conversation in my mind but this time i added some rudeness on her side, just to be prepared for the adverse things. A part of the conversation being:
“So i think you are also going to Shimla, you have a family there?”
“No, i have to meet my father in jail there”
“Sorry, i think you need rest”
“Who are you to tell me what to do”
and i would just simply skid out of there back to my seat.
But what if she will treat me good… what if she will shout at me… what if she would think that i am a jerk.. what if… what if…
And in between all of these ‘What If’s’ i got up my seat to go towards her, and as soon as i lifted my first step, she looked at me and i within a flash of a second removed my sight from her, and acted like i am checking my bag in the rack above the seats, and i removed a muffler from my bag with no particular reason but to keep me from considered a jerk.
Then i sat back on my seat, and analyzed what just happened. It was sure she must have seen my silhouette so i need not to be panic. She mustn’t have seen my face that how f*kin’ high i was.
And again i made up some silly, funny, witty conversations and with my eyes still on that beauty, completely ignoring the call of raindrops striking on the windows asking for some attention.
Deep in thoughts , preoccupied by her, i fell asleep.
And on the morning when i wake up, my eyes automatically opened up in the direction where she was seated. There was no ‘She’. The seat was empty. I scanned every passenger in the bus, assuming she might have changed the seat, but she was nowhere, SHE WAS GONE.
AND I PASSED THE REST OF MY TIME STARING AT THE SEAT SHE BE-SEATED.