Funny Short Story – IDIOT 2.0
Photo credit: demondimum from morguefile.com
I must begin with a confession. I am not a great guy. I am like the heroes in those growing up movies. Confused, Stupid, always getting in trouble. But in the end they grow up achieving something like a girl or winning a match. But the only difference between me and those guys is that I don’t grow up. In fact I am still a fair distance from the climax of those movies.
This is the story of my friend’s wedding. We were in college together and her home was near mine. We were not extremely close but on the periphery of a good enough friendship considering my character. So her wedding came and it was no surprise as my classmates were getting married one by one. I often wonder if they could all get married on the same day like a community marriage as it could save so much trouble. Anyway I decided to try something at the wedding. It was something I read somewhere and couldn’t quite get it out of my head ever since. There was this boy and girl who were good friends. The boy tells her that he was in love with her for some time on the day of her wedding. I don’t remember what the girl’s reaction was. I think I never got to read that part. So I decided to emulate that scenario here. I know it was thoughtless and stupid .But in my defense … well there is nothing in my defense. I just really wanted to know how the girl will react.
I was facing a slight financial crisis during that time and my primary concern while selecting the gift was price. Didn’t someone say it’s not the price of the gift but the spirit in which it is given that matters. Though in my case, the price and the spirit were both flawed. So in the gift shop I was looking for the perfect gift. I scanned the entire place and arranged the items on the basis of MRP in my mind. A slightly old man smiled at me and asked if I am buying a gift for a wedding. My reply was something I would regret later. I said and I quote “I don’t want to spend more than the meal on the gift”
So the wedding day came and I reached the place with a carefully wrapped gift. It was a photo frame well within my price range. But there was something else in that. A piece of paper in which I mention how deeply I was in love with the bride. It seemed a good idea to me then. In fact all my ideas seem great at first. Not so great in hindsight. So I met the bride (allegedly the girl of my dreams) who couldn’t move or turn because of the weight of the jewellery she was wearing. She looked like the model in one of those jewellery ads, only less pretty.
So I handed over the gift and as soon as it left my hands, felt a chill in my spine. She introduced me to her parents. Even though our houses were near, I had never met her father as he was an NRI. He looked familiar and suddenly the chill in my spine was getting out of bounds. He was the guy whom I met at the gift shop. He greeted me with a smile which had atleast three manifestations. They tied the knot in the auspicious hour prescribed by the astrologer. As with any other wedding, all you could see were the back of the photographers and videographers. Luckily we could catch a glimpse of the matrimony on the LCD screens strategically placed across the hall. If the videographers couldn’t get a nice shot, will they ask for a retake? While I was having the feast with my friends, the father of the bride came over. With a smile he asked if the feast was worth my gift. I couldn’t answer as my mouth was full. So I smiled helplessly and he left.
That night myriad thoughts came gushing to me. I thought about the different scenarios that might unfold because of my letter
Scenario 1
She was secretly in love with me. On reading my letter she leaves her husband and comes to me.
Scenario 2
Her husband sees it and divorces her on the day of their marriage
Scenario 3
I meet her after several years. She says her husband left her. Then a kid comes running to her.
Scenario 4
Her father sees it and god knows what he will do.
Scenario 5
She does the same on my wedding and my wife divorces me on the day of our marriage
I fell asleep pondering over many such scenarios. Next day I got a call from her. If that call was to be aired on TV all you could hear would be the beep sound. If that call had subtitle all you could read was **s. After shouting for some time she hung up. I wondered how I missed this particular scenario. So finally I got the answer to my curiosity as to how the girl would respond. I must admit that it was fun. Now the grown up thing to do would be to call her and tell her it was a prank. But as I said before, I am a long way from that.
Four days later I got an invitation for another friend’s marriage. I am going out to buy a photo frame.
__END__
