Funny Short Story – Letter to my Wife!!
Photo credit: mconnors from morguefile.com
To my Dearest Wife,
It has been fifteen days since you have left for your Mother’s place. I remember telling you to ring me up after you have reached your Mother’s place. However I am yet to receive your phone call till today. I am still under the assumption that you are still travelling. Well, I hope your voyage is full of excitement and surprises. May it bring happiness and joy to you. However my own happiness, it seems, doesn’t want to show itself to me.
As you have very rightly understood, that I am under a little stress and a bit of agony and despair. I very much hope that this letter reaches you very quickly so that you can understand the pain I am in. And perhaps return here as quickly as you can.
I have fully come to understand the importance of having you around. I now repent my actions and my foolish desires to get away from you seems pretty much, well, foolish. At first I tried to cook my own food (as you had already envisaged, but never taught me!). I have had to learn basic cooking through Youtube. But it seems that they don’t teach people how to lit the gas oven. I have already posted my question on this and to my surprise, I got a lot of LOL, and ROFL and ROAFL.
But after fifteen days of struggle, I am quite proud to say that I can now lit the gas oven and make the water boil. But cooking food is still quite a mystery to me. The kitchen is somewhat messy. The gas has emptied out. The drinking water filter is not working anymore. Something is jammed inside. I tried to open it. But through close introspection I quickly realized that I was trying to open the wrong compartment of the filter. I quickly remembered your advice and called up the filter professionals. They came the next day and quickly assessed the situation and said we need a new filter as this was beyond repair. They said it was so damaged that it was like a bomb had exploded inside the filter. I realized instantly that earlier the filter had made a loud noise while I was trying my hand to repair it. This was probably it. Anyway, I have ordered a new filter and paid the money from our common savings. And I have stopped cooking myself, as I now eat outside every day.
Eating food from outside had led to intensify my gastric problem. Nowadays, in office I pretty much stay in the toilet rather on my seat. Many of my colleagues and my boss too, had suspected that I am bunking office and avoiding work. But I simply could not make them understand that I was in the loo. They thought I am avoiding my work by staying there. A silly notion. My stomach growls pretty much in the same intensity as that of the Royal Bengal Tiger. Sometimes (most of the time) my stomach breathes fire. And I make life difficult for my employees who sit close to me.
I have gone to the doctor and he has advised me to have food from home and to avoid eating outside. I am under immense mental strain. (I should have paid more attention to you when you were cooking food in the Kitchen.)
The nights have been difficult too. As you already know that we have a huge mango tree in front of our bedroom window. Recently the numerous crows residing in that Mango tree have decided to have a Mega crow meeting at the middle of the night. So from 11 pm every night, there is a lot of commotion from the crows but around 12.30 am they all grow silent. I think perhaps they have now come to a definitive decision or conclusion of some great issues which seems to be bothering them. But this meeting seems to take place every night. The intensity of the commotion has increased after the day you have left for your mother’s place. I find that very suspicious. Your knowledge on this issue would be highly appreciated. I hope you can enlighten me on this.
However this is not the end of my misery. After a lull of about half an hour, the dogs come alive and have a great mega meeting of theirs. I was mystified at first at this, since during the day I hardly seem to see 3 to 4 dogs in our locality. But at night they seem to multiply three times. And sometimes dogs from different locality join in too. I look out of the window but fail to find a single dog with in my eyesight. After about 10 days of regular barking I seem to recognize most of them just by hearing the sound of them. Sometimes I feel I could sense there problems and there sadness. I sincerely wish to help them but I realize that they won’t understand my barking. (p.s. I tried barking from my window once out of frustration), All the dogs went quite for a moment. They must been quite surprised to hear a new bark of a new dog. But then they started all over again. After about an hour of barking and commotion when the dogs have come to some satisfying conclusion, peace seems to prevail around for some time.
But by then my sleep has already gone from my eyes. Although there are some days where I do get some sleep. But I am normally disturbed even then. Our neighbours seem to wake up very early in the morning. Or shall I say very late at night. Because the Sun is still not up at that point. And they start doing all the noisy chores. I simply could not grasp on what they could be doing at that time. The loud banging of the doors and the noisy creakings seem to come right out of a horror movie. At a very vulnerable moment when I was the most tired and could not take it anymore, I tried banging my bedroom door in frustration. This, alas, resulted in unhinging my door and caused your beautiful portrait which was hanging right beside the door to fall and break into pieces. I am quite happy to say that the photograph is still intact, however the portrait borders and the portrait itself has broken. The photo, since it is laminated was in excellent condition and I was all praise for the shop that did the lamination.
However, in this painful combination of sleepless nights and empty stomach has enlightened me. I thoroughly understand that all the fights we used to have during evening was absolutely essential for my sound sleep. Your hand cooked food was the best thing that could have happened to my poor stomach in a long long time. Needless to say, my stomach needs you and your cooking. I am quite sure that you will understand the pain I am in and shall quickly return.
Yours truly (in a lot of pain)
Husband
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