Funny Short Story – The Politician’s Soul
Photo credit: carunan from morguefile.com
It was the politician’s fifth straight electoral defeat. He had espoused a political career hoping to register thumping victories in the elections. Five times he stood in the elections, unfortunately for him but fortunately for the people, he lost all of them. Even though he succeeded to maintain a weary smile in his lips and enthusiastically appreciated his rival who registered a prodigious win, he was cursing his own destiny. He was so tired that night and had a sound sleep dreaming of his own stupendous electoral victories in future. His nerves could not stand the high blood pressure, his heart failed and he died that night. When one of the politician’s secretaries came to awake him in the following morning, he found the politician dead with a broad natural smile on his lips.
The office had not been opened in heaven. Chithraguptha, the statistician of God, was looking into the ‘Just Dead’ cases when he saw the politician’s file. After a careful study of the same, he called one of the heavenly guards who was specially recruited from the ranks of the souls in heaven. When the heavenly guard appeared, he ordered,
“You must at once go to the checkpoint at the entry door to heaven. There are four souls waiting to enter the compound of heaven. You must examine carefully their life duty certificates and evidences which will prove the successful achievement of their humanly duties. You will not allow the one who fail to give evidence as he may not have completed his humanly duties entrusted upon by the Lord”, saying this, he dismissed the heavenly guard.
The enormous gate to heaven has not been opened till the messenger from Chithragupta reached his colleagues on duty. It was a great gate and four heavenly guards were seated behind a pure white desk. They had a white register and one of them was writing something using a white pen filled with white ink.
As Chithragupta stated, there were four souls eagerly waiting to enter the heavenly block. First came the soul of a writer and showed his life duty certificate. He had carried a heavy book which he had written, as the evidence of doing his humanly duties. The second to enter was the soul of a goldsmith who after producing his life duty certificate, placed three gold ornaments as evidence of successfully completing his humanly duties. One of the guards examined its genuinity and returned the ornaments. After entering the premises of heaven, when the goldsmith’s soul checked the ornaments, he could find only two instead of the three, he produced. The third, the soul of a doctor who was credited to release more souls from earth, showed his life duty certificate and produced the death certificates of some of his patients as the solid evidence to very successfully carrying out the humanly duties entrusted upon him. The guards allowed him to pass and he proudly walked into heaven.
The last to enter was the soul of the politician. He produced his life duty certificate which was categorically rejected at once as it was a perfectly blank document. The politician’s soul also failed to produce any evidences regarding his duties as a human being as he had not successfully completed any of the same. He had failed miserably in all his electoral contests. When the heavenly guards forbade the soul from entering the premises of heaven without valid documents and evidence, the soul initiated a heated argument with them for it was the soul of ‘the politician’.
The politician’s soul questioned the credibility of the heavenly guards. He argued that they could not prevent him from entering the heaven without producing warrants from trustworthy authorities. He asked the heavenly guards if they had any. He claimed that he had been denied natural justice even in heaven and raised his voice against the biased, unjustifiable and unconstitutional way of things being done in heaven. He wondered whether the God himself had participated in a shameful intrigue and conspiracy, solely directed against him. At last he threatened the heavenly guards to use his political power to immediately effect a suspension, dismissal or even a transfer to the hell if they any longer blocked his intentions to enter the heaven.
As the soul of the politician shouted at the top of his sound, who naturally has a loud voice, the God who was tired of counting the sins of the humanity which was obviously infinite, looked up and peeped through the topmost window of the milk-white palace and inquired Chithragupta about the reason for the unprecedented dispute at the entrance. Chithragupta at once started towards the entrance and found the soul of the politician who was by now threatening to start an indefinite hunger strike.
After arguing with Chithrapupta on various points, the politician’s soul suddenly became silent and refused to make any more comments declaring that he had not the slightest intention to argue with a mere statistician-cum-messenger and insisted on seeing the God himself to have a political solution to the state of affairs. Chithragupta now understood the gravity of the situation and his vulnerable position. He wasted no time in reporting the facts to the God who was kind enough to come down from his pure white palace and proceeded towards the heavenly entrance.
Seeing the God coming down from the palace, the politician’s soul bowed his head and paid his great respects. He then described his pitiable position and criticized the actions of the heavenly guards, Chithragupta in particular. After hearing the arguments of the politician’s soul, the God asked Chithragupta to present his position. The statistician pointed out various difficulties in granting permission to the petitioner’s soul as the records available with him clearly demonstrated that the politician, when he lived in earth, pitifully failed to fulfill his duties as a human being.
On hearing the comment, the politician’s soul accused Chithragupta of acting like a secret agent of his political opponents and trying to tarnish his image before the Lord. Chithragupta was exhausted by the extraordinary turn of events he had never witnessed earlier. At last he turned to the God, bowed his head and said in a shattered voice,
“My Lord, as per the rules of heaven, this soul cannot enter the premises of holy heaven unless it gets a special authorization from your Holiness”.
Hearing the loophole, the politician’s soul turned to the God with a pleading look. He ensured the God that he may have failed to register electoral victories in earth as a human being, he feel strong enough as a soul to contest and win the elections in heaven. The God was startled at the prospects of having elections in heaven. Without showing the shock, the God directed Chithragupta to grant the politician’s soul permission to enter heaven. The Soul was so much pleased with the God’s decision that he termed the decision as his ‘first political triumph in heaven’.
So at last, the politician’s soul got permission to enter heaven. When he entered through the great gates of heaven, he saw pure white buildings, wonderful gardens with white flowers. He saw angels flying and playing above the garden like birds. He saw the enormous lake of white water and the souls wandering through its beeches talking and laughing. Some of the souls were sitting in the white benches praising the Lord and reciting the prayers from the holly books. The politician’s soul found it hard to mingle with the groups of souls praising the God.
‘Lazy ba**ards’ he thought. ‘I will show them how to be a political soul’.
The following day, with this intension in mind, the politician’s soul started a ‘political awareness campaign’ under the great white tree in the heavenly garden. He had made a nice meeting place there, took one of the benches from the beech and placed it under the tree. Then the politician’s soul asked every other soul in heaven to assemble in the area and started a political speech. He insisted them not to waste their precious time in reciting the verses from the holy books. He beseeched them to back his campaign for a political change in heaven. ‘Time has come’ he asserted ‘to have a political change here’. When he said so, the God peeped nervously at the pandemonium through his window at the pure white palace.
Next day, the politician’s soul declared the initiation of a grand march from the gates of heaven to the gates of hell as a measure to inspire the lazy souls and to make them aware of their political rights. He vowed to conduct a meeting at the gates of hell which he claimed ‘will change the entire political arena in heaven’. The march was a stunning success. At the meeting, the politician’s soul accused God of having acting like a tyrant as he refuses to participate in the democratic electoral process.
“The God is not been democratically elected” he shouted at the meeting. “He is acting like a tyrant and is not ready to accept the political realities in heaven. So I consider it as my duty to make him aware that his days are limited”.
There was great applause from the souls who were listening carefully to the politician’s soul. He was overwhelmed to get this much support in heaven which he never got in the earth.
That night, as the politician’s soul was readying himself to get a good sleep as he was so much tired, he heard a low voice at the window. When opened it, he saw a veiled figure, in the white moonlight. It entered the room through the window and to the astonishment of the politician’s soul, it was the God himself. He seemed troubled and there was a bit of anxiety in his graceful face. The politician’s soul bowed his head and paid his greatest respects. The God said in an elegant but wavering voice,
“My son” he said “I have come here to look for a settlement to the political problem which you, so bravely, raised in your meeting. It worries me that you are so concerned with it and I request you to restrain from raising it anymore. I wish you demand anything you like as a reward”.
The politician’s soul thought a while and said,
“My Lord, I have contested five elections in earth. I lost all of them. I will respectfully be thanked to my Lord if your holiness allows me to return to earth and have a thumping win in the next elections”.
The God at once agreed to do the needful to fulfill the plea of the politician’s soul. When he came out of the room with a sigh of relief, there was a weary smile in his lips.
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