Funny SHort Story – The Telex Machine
Photo credit: kumarnm from morguefile.com
I was working in a shipping office and it was Christmas eve, a ship was coming over to our port in England from Bilbao and the boss wanted to get finished early so he has a good idea.
“Dave” he said forge the ships manifest and we will clear it through customs before it gets here to make it look like the Telex manifest has come in from our German office as we need to do the clearance at customs.
So I spent all day with the Telex making tickertape and small bits that go into a collection tray from the holes, as the day went on I got concerned. “What if the ships sinks” I said to the boss.
He replied “It never happens” so I continued so to guarantee I could clear it through customs I paid them overtime on Christmas eve. When I went to their office I took the middle copy to fool them. The customs officer said “Hey this is the middle copy I need to see the original” I replied. “Ok I have to go back to my office I’ll be twenty minutes”
“Oh no don’t bother I will clear the goods I trust you” He replied and with that he signed the forms to say he had seen the goods and they were in order.
I went back to the office and again voiced my concern to the boss He just said “it never happens” So as he went upstairs to lock his door I poured the punch holes from the Telex machine into the hood on his coat. When he came down I voiced my concerns again he Said “look I’m the boss do as your told it will never happen” whilst putting his hood over his head the paper snowed out all over him and the floor.
I said “and it will never snow inside on Christmas eve” I was on the floor laughing. He wasn’t too pleased and said “you ba**ard I will get my own back” then he left the building.
I was crying with laughter when the cleaner came to clean the office, she broke down in tears and fell to a chair and said “you pigs you have been sat there all day, playing with your fancy toys and making a bloody mess for me to clean up, I hope your bloody ship sinks”
Around 01:20 the ship actually sank the boss was called but now there was trouble the customs officer had seen the goods, but they were missing, the ship had been stolen from the dock four men who couldn’t be identified because they had lost their papers when the ship sank were picked up at sea.
The outcome was severe I got thirty years in hell with time off for good behaviour the four men picked up at sea were hung for piracy the boss got eternity in hell with no reprieve the customs officer who told the truth got a new uniform and a gold medal then married the cleaner with a tickertape reception.
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A true story By David Calver
