Hilarious Short Story – CASE OF THE LOST KEY
Photo credit: dancesincreek from morguefile.com
Now picture this, we are driving through a pristine neighborhood, to go to a dingy shop in a corner that is regularly our savior for last minute grocery requirements. It’s me and my wife driving on a lazy weekend “evening” and we see the usually crowded shop empty. Don’t know what urge we had that when the car doors were flicked upon, we rushed out and literally sprinted towards the shop…I could think of it in slow motion when I was going towards the shop and turned around to see the door closing and something still hanging from the ignition.
My mind pushed me to stop immediately and I froze..The door inched towards getting closed and a shining thing inside were the keys that I had forgotten to take out after turning the engine off. I missed a heartbeat and sweat started engulfing my face (you know how it is when you are in shock of not wanting to believe what just happened with you).
Now I stood a few feet away from the car, getting nervous by the minute and my wife was quickly ordering stuff to be packed and put into the boot(where???). On top of this, the car was not exactly parked on the side; it was a few feet on the road. And did I tell you that the handbrake was applied (all precautions on a flat surface….what meticulousness). So rewind and imagine, car locked, all windows closed, key inside, vehicle eating into a part of the road and handbrake is on. Slowly, other vehicles passed by and barely missed scratching my car and some showered abuses on illiterate as*****s not knowing how and where to park their cars. I heard them all but knew I cannot react. My mind was wobbling when suddenly a sweet voice said ‘Darling, kaar open karo..samaaan rakha hai”.
I turned around, a bit pale(more white) and Jyoti sensed something was not right…in fact she was in two minds whether I would faint first or cry first. Anyhow, I gained my composure (hum mard hain) and croaked
“ J, car keys are inside…we are out and all doors are locked”.
No response, I get more scared when she is quiet rather than shrieking. Slowly she embraced the situation and reminded me : 8 baj gaye hain….raat ho chuki hai….ghar jaana hai…kids will be worried….ab kya karein”.
I got so many “read between the lines” in that one statement of hers.
Anyhow, reality check was that we are getting late and need a solution. I started looking here and there( and did I tell you of a phobia for not being able to speak to total strangers)…my wife jumped in and asked someone
“ bhaisaab, humari car keys andar reh gayi hai…yahan koi key maker hoga”.
People came and went by but no one could provide a ray of hope. Then suddenly we saw a man coming with a plastic ruler(measuring scale) in hand.
He approached us and said, “aap side ho jao, mein darwaza open karta hoon.”
What sweet words to hear, I was about to bend and touch his feet but he brushed me away and slowly started inspecting the car ( the way a butcher looks at the bird). Then he came to the front left side of the car and slowly positioned the ruler on inside the rubber sealing close to the window. Suddenly he jerked up and starting forcing he ruler inside the car window casing and starting jolting, shoving and pushing it hard.
My car was all bouncing but nothing happening to the lock. Slowly, the ruler started scratching the window surface and permanent impressions began to appear. I gathered some courage and said :
“Bhaisaab, lagta hai ruler is not reaching the lock” ( I was hoping he gives up).
He said, Arrey, I have opened big imported cars with this, your car is no challenge for me.
So I let him make another attempt after which he said, “abhi aata hoon” and the guy vanished. Someone told us he is a car driver and tries his hand on any car problem he can see, intentions are honest but nothing works when he tries. Anyhow, I was left with my locked car and a bruised left window and casing. It was now dark and our car was facing many “near misses” from traffic.
I was about to cry when my wife called someone and asked “ Nisha, do you have the number of any keys maker”.
And can you believe this, she actually had. My wife was mutely listening for 5 minutes and told me later that Nisha narrated how her husband had left the car keys inside and these men are so forgetful, I tell you…..Anyhow we had a ray of hope and called the number.
Ramrakh bhai spoke to us and said he has left for the day and can’t come back now. So what would work now? Obviously, MONEY! I took the phone from my wife and said, Bhaisaab, car locked hai aur bacche ghar par hain….koi tarika nilako.
So he said, “mujhe family to movie dikhana hai aur dinner karwana hai. Ticket le li hai, nuksaan ho jayega.”
So now I had the cue and said…. “aap aa jao, nuksaan mein pura kar doonga.”
Now I have a habit of leaving loose ends so I didn’t bother asking how much will be the damages. Ram bhai kept me on hold for 5mins and said, aap lene aa jao and I said, bhai auto kar lo, I will pay.
Ok great, so we had a deal now and it was just a matter of waiting now. Between then and next 40 minutes, I made 11 calls to Ram bhai who always assured that he is 3 minutes away and around 12 people had inquired about our problem, stood around, took pity and went away.
An hour had passed when an empty auto stops near the car. By then I was calling Ram Bhai again and the auto driver picked the phone. I disconnected and asked..Ram Bhai ? Jee Haan..so Ram Bhai makes keys in the day and drives auto in the night. He said proudly, apna auto hai…aur kissi ka nahin chalata( beats me why he asked how to come). So here is our savior who takes out his tools: a kind of wrench, inserts a look alike key into the keyhole, holds the other side of the key with a wrench and starts to jerk. Up…down…left..right….goes on and on…dancing more like gagnam style. After a while, he pulls out the key and the key hole looks like a place where a grenade blasted. Ram Bhai starts to chisel and shape the key a bit, puts it inside the key hole again and begins to slowly hammer it inside ( YEAH, HAMMERS IT).
Finally the key fits in and the wrench grip dance starts again. Seemed as if I was watching a ritual but then again Ram Bhai did a bit more refining, chiselling and this time the key entered more smoothly. In the third chisel/wrench dance attempt, I heard 4 clicks ( each door getting unlocked) and he opened the door and my wife pulled out the car keys first. Ram Bhai handed over the keys and I started fumbling with my wallet to pay him off. My wife asked his charges and I faintly heard something like “ Eik Hazaar Rupayee”.
I thought Ram Bhai was speaking on the phone to someone and talking about money.
But no, Ram Bhai was telling the visit charges ( 2 way travel and cost of his expertise and labor) with night charges. Well, I could not debate much and gave him the money. After taking the notes Ram Bhai said, aap original key use mat karna, it will not open the car. Confused, I stared at him and he replied that the duplicate key has now made a space for itself and old key won’t fit ( in turn the duplicate key has screwed up the lock frame and the original key will get stuck). And he also added, please get the lock changed for security : now, in our car one door lock can’t be replaced, one has to change all locks+ignition at a meager Rs 9500 expense.
Total of grocery outing Rs 1100(grocery)+ Rs1000(Ram Bhai)+ Rs9500(have to change locks) = Rs 10600…it’s a bl***y BOMB.
We ended Saturday on a high octane note…kids screaming on us getting late, managed to negotiate a dinner and game zone in a mall as Jurmana, came back and crashed on the bed.
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