Editor’s Choice: Hilarious Short Story – The celestial Narada and that modern boy Bitu
Hilarious Short Story – The celestial Narada and that modern boy Bitu
Narada– the celestial saint from heaven used to be a regular guest at my home when I was somewhere!!! I saw him descending from the heavens while I was keying in words in my laptop to finish the first article of the day. He pressed the brakes of his flying bicycle for few moments before the iron grill of the window and found me peeping out curiously.
“Another trouble is in the offing”- the thought came in a flash immediately to my mind.
The celestial rishi appeared in my drawing-room with his blissful smile.
“Namaste”- I joined my hands before him and then fell in prostration.
Like every other occasion, he was dressed in his dhoti at his loin while draping his shoulder with a dainty shawl. His bare chest had different wreaths that emitted fragrances to tickle my nostrils. He hung his veena with a string in his neck.
“Narayana, narayana”- he held his hand upwards watching me in prostration.
My spouse came eagerly to the room with my morning cup of coffee and she was taken aback to find me lying on the floor with my face downward. No sooner she recognized the saint than she fell in a similar pose on the floor.
“Narayana, narayana, wake up my child”-he asked us while sitting on our sofa with legs folded.
“What’s up my children”- the saint puckered his face, looking askance at my wife?
“Is he here to set you up against me”-my wife was an expert in speaking in muffled voice?
“No, might be something else”- I indicated with my right hand to bring a glass of milk for the saint.
My spouse strutted out of the room, bewildered and frightened of any unpleasant consequences that could follow due to the arrival of the saint.
“Could we move out and have some fresh air”- I asked, rising while he was taking the last gulp of his milk?
He woke up and stood near the window casting his eyes outwards.
“Hey, look at that boy”-he said pointing outwards.
As I looked, there was Bitu- the boy who stayed in the ground-floor apartment.
“Why is he rushing out”- Narada exclaimed in surprise?
“He must be in a hurry to free his bowel. He could have over-eaten last night”- He spoke out with a scowl.
“Ha,ha,ha”- I laughed aloud.
“No, no, the toilet is inside his house”- I said.
Narada was surprised to see the giant strides the boy was taking.
“Let’s be after him”- he dragged my hand.
As we went running down on the stair-case, Bitu was already straddling on his motor bike. He pushed the ignition button and was off our sight within seconds.
“Call him. I want to know why that boy was in such a hurry.”- Narada looked perplexed.
“He is gone. We can not catch him”- I showed my feigned exasperation.
We climbed on his flying bicycle and soon spotted Bitu accelerating with renewed vigor.
“What’s the matter? There must be some serious trouble and the boy is heading somewhere so fast”-Narada was expressing his concern.
Although I understood the situation well, I had to nod “yes”. After all, he was the Maharshi meaning greatest of the great saints.
“Why do not you press peddle of your air vehicle? We must push up”- I urged him, suppressing laughter.
Bitu moved fast and our vehicle in the air was failing to cope up.
“The boy must be in the soup. Somebody of his clan is in trouble. Let’s give him a hand”- Narada mounted on peddles of his cellular bicycle, breathing hard under my weight in the pillion.
“Yes, something must be happening somewhere”- I muttered this reply while suppressing another laughter.
As we spotted Bitu, he appeared and disappeared in the maze of vehicles in the style of a fish swimming in zigzags in a river. He rode through the winding lanes and by-lanes that baffled even a great like Narada. At times, the great saint used to press the binocular to his eyes and peep from the heavens and shouted in glee after spotting the boy.
“Eureka, there goes the boy. Let’s get him”- He was glad as though he recovered a needle from the sands.
“Who may be in trouble”- The great saint asked me?
I was mum and kept my stoic calm even though his question was ticklish enough to bring peals of laughter.
While Narada was panting, peddling his flying bicycle, Bitu was unbeaten in creating a space between our vehicles. I was enjoying pillion-riding in the sky. The clouds and the dotted shapes of concrete structures that lay beneath us were thrilling while I clung to Narada’s waist fearing a fall from the mighty height. I dared not telling him to be careful with the riding. He was so engrossed in the irksome task of finding Bitu that he would hardly listen.
For him, the boy’s rash movement of the bike appeared too similar to one riddle found in the scriptures.
“See how the boy has combed his hair! Again the multi-hued clothes on his body and the dark colored shoes on his feet….all these pose a puzzle to me”- The mighty saint began showing his concern.
“May be some demon has kidnapped his sister”- He fired his next salvo of guesswork that I welcomed with my characteristic “hmm” and grin.
“The chap must be in rage because of some harm done to his family. Therefore he is on his way to catch the neck of the person”- Narada expressed his curiosity.
‘Yes, may be….well we need to follow him”-Anyway, I wished to enjoy the sky ride for a longer period.
“God, send this wisdom to the thick-skulled Bitu to linger awhile on the streets, while I enjoy the ride with the great saint”- I prayed while I clenched my fists in sheer delight. It was breathtaking to share the ride and attitudes of great Narada.
We saw Bittu’s bike screeching to a stop. While Narada tightened his grip on the brake of his cycle, he broke out with his typical lines- “Narayana, narayana, who is this beautiful face”?
I was lamenting on the absence of my cell-phone and the songs stored in “my music”. Had it been there, the pleasure ride in the sky would have been enormously delightful. Music and songs while sharing a ride with the great saint and watching the world from such an elevation and posterior of Narada, come only once in life. I bet, you will not get it in the beer bar and African safari!
“Hey wake up and cast a glance down below”- He jerked me out of the state of “myself in the wonder ride with Narada”.
We saw the smiling mien of lass, who beckoned Bittu to stop. The boy stopped the bike as she mounted on the pillion.
Narada was awe-struck as she sat almost embracing him. She snuggled up to him, landing a kiss on his cheek. Then her hand moved to the lap of the boy and stayed on the cloth there.
I saw the saint trembling in anger.
“What is this? Hugging him in broad-day light! God…how shameless both of them are!” – The saint shouted.
“Sir, be careful. We are at a height of more than a hundred feet”- I cautioned him to be alert.
Bitu moved again with the old speed; this time tied in the knot of his lady love. Narada was somehow smarter again while stepping on peddles of his flying bicycle.
“Now where do these terrible ones want to go? See, the boy is again moving with the horrible speed and this time he is piggybacking that shameless girl. What you humans do just goes above my head. Just see the speed and sound of that horrible machine, the boy is riding”- His voice appeared exasperated.
“Do you know that girl’s name?”
“She is Mohini”- I spoke out the well thought-out untruth.
“Mohini, oh God, there is one in our heaven”!!!
Bitu stopped as both of them bought ice-cream from a parlor. The girl brought out the cover and began licking it with great relish.
“What is she doing with her tongue”?
“Oh great saint, she is eating the cold stuff called ice-cream”- I put my hands on his bare shoulders as an act to calm him down.
“What? Ice Cream, it is made of what”?
“Mainly water, milk and sugar”- I narrated counting my finger tips.
“And how that is made to be on a stick”?
“When these three things are mixed and put in a refrigerator, it gets solidified in to ice. We humans call it ice-cream”- I was watching Narada’s bewilderment.
“And she is licking it in broad day light like a she-demon licks the drops of blood from a piece of flesh”!!!
“Let’s get to them. I will make them explain their conduct”- Words were gushing out from the mouth of the great saint.
“No…no…these young ones are really short-tempered. Just keep them watching for some more time”- I pulled his hand to stop him from landing on the earth. Anyway, that would have ended my joy ride for good.
“I know, both of them have fallen headlong in love. But the way they act appears really queer. Where are they going now?”- Narada looked worried.
He pressed upon peddles as the bicycle moved with a jerk.
We saw the knotted lovers descend from their vehicle and walked in to a building. The boy pushed the door of the room open and both stepped inside.
“Get down to the window and just peep through it”- I whispered in the ear of the saint.
Then there was music; din of loud play of western one and laughter and shouting of cranky guys and girls.
Narada spread his eyes and howled-“wow, what is this”?
We saw Bitu and Mohini swishing their bodies to the beats of western music.
“Yeh, ho kya raha hey”- Narada blurted out in Hindi?
“This place is a disco Swamiji”- I explained.
“But this place smells horrible. What’s the stink”?
“Oh…ho…great one…that is the smell of beer and whisky which the boys and girls are drinking”- Again I whispered in his ear.
“But we drink Madira (wine) in heaven but that does not give such foul smell. Narayana, Narayana, Lord save these people”- Narada was fuming.
After awhile Bitu and Mohini retired from dance and music and both sat together and talked in between swigs of drinks. Narada was curiously watching the inebriated faces of both the lovers.
“Now love is showing its real color. Just see their eyes Swamiji. How those are getting darkened with the hues of inebriation”- I pointed my finger from the pillion.
It was almost afternoon. I had begun to feel the prickling heat.
“Should we go and leave them alone”- I gently queried?
“Just tell me writer, what would be the next task they are planning to execute now”?
“Well, Swamiji, frankly I don’t know. No, my answer should be….I can not explain their next act to you”- Narada stared at me in utter disbelief as I finished my words.
Bitu rose from his seat without caring for the music and crowd there, while the girl lent a hand to him. He lifted her body in his arms and proceeded to the interior of the house. They disappeared from our view.
“Where are they gone”- Narada watched with his mouth agape?
“Let’s go. My wife must be waiting for me. I have to finish a lot of tasks”- I prodded hurrying him to go back home. For me the thrill in watching the action of the youngsters was hardly there.
“Be here till they come back”- Narada insisted, gnashing his teeth. I was mortally afraid that he would curse me.
Bitu and Mohini appeared from the dark interior after an hour. We found Bitu in high spirits but Mohini looked tired and disheveled, trying to stage a firm walk.
While they sat on the bike, we saw them behave like strangers. Mohini had a flustered look and unlike the last time they came together in the reveling act of romance, the knot of love appeared somewhat loosened this time. Mohini sat with a downcast face while Bitu rode the bike leisurely.
We came to the place where Bitu had lifted her previously. Surprisingly, both exchanged not a single word when Mohini disembarked.
“There must be parting kisses, embraces and tears in both the lovers’ eyes”- Narada looked sad while prophesying the culmination in the high-volt drama of romance.
“Let’s see Swamiji”- I asked him to exercise restraint.
To his utter surprise, the enactment of the anticipated denouement did not take place while Mohini stood with her face down. The boy groped inside his pocket and brought out a few crumpled notes. As he pushed the money in her hand, we saw her counting stealthily.
Then she raised her face like a snake and spoke with a hissing sound. At a distance, we were hardly able to know for what they were quarreling. We found Mohini arguing with Bitu and the last act was a solid slap from her hand that landed on the cheek of the latter. She kept uttering the slangs while we saw Bitu ride off hurriedly.
“What is this? Where the love is gone? What is happening yaar”- Narada demanded knowing from me?
“Swamiji, please go back. This is the usual ending of such a show”- I besought while joining my hands.
He was still struggling under the influence of the situation, marveling at the twists and turns of the event.
“Tell me how the morning’s love paled into afternoon’s quarrel”- Narada demanded to know from me in a harsh voice.
“Tell me first. Else I will push you down from this height”- Narada was furious.
“Swamiji, there was no love between them. In simple words, it is called a dating within the singles. Whenever the lonely hearts despair for a union, it happens. Of course, the female did it for a price. She was not happy with the price for which she demanded more. In the aftermath, the boy was beaten up. What is love Swamiji? It is all old-fashioned”- I concluded with a wave of my hand.
“What, you mean you humans do romance for a price”- The saint’s voice appeared grave while his eyes burned like charcoal.
“You no good writer, dirty human, demon and evil character, get lost from my sight”- Narada said while delivering a rock-solid shove to me.
“Ha…aa…aaaaaaaaaa….”- I shrieked as I fell from my bed.
“Oh….ho…again you have spent an occasion with Narada in your dream. Please let me sleep ,dear. Why do you disturb me in the dead of night…Hugh?”-My wife shouted as I went back to sleep.
…The End…
