Hilarious Short Story – GOD-MADE MISTAKES
Photo credit: GaborfromHungary from morguefile.com
I watched the queen get uprooted from the board by Naradh, with a diabolical grin as he was doing it. My temper soared with frustration. The grin made it worse. I tried to avoid looking at his obnoxious expression.
Queen, board and anger. Yes, you guessed it.
I looked at the board for opportunities. I saw nothing. I lost the most powerful asset and, half the game was over, evident from that grotesque smile of Naradh. You will not understand the gravity of the situation unless I tell you about the stakes.
Here’s where you need to read carefully. It was the nail biting thriller of a game between the two finalists of the copa del rey, Argentina and Chile. The extra time failed to seperate the two teams. It had come down to the penalty shoot-out.
If Messi makes the shot, Argentina wins. When Messi plays, there are no ‘ifs’. Most of the Chileans got up from their seats and made an impression of leaving. But you know, it was just an impression. People tend to believe that acting out pessimistically will result in a favourable outcome from the situation. How do I know this? I am God. I know everything. Don’t you dare argue with me.
That night, I received millions of prayers, ranging from ridiculous to oblivious.
One teenager prayed-‘If Argentina wins, I will stop watching porn.’
One adult in his 40’s prayed- ‘If Argentina wins, I will love my wife and stop ogling my neighbour.’
Things got political as one American prayed- ‘If Argentina wins, I will not vote for Trump.’
After a tedious deliberation with Naradh, I decided to rule in favour of Argentina. But Naradh was well…Naradh. He pulled off a conniving trick on me.
‘Lord Narayan, your wife will be very disappointed in you’, he said.
‘That’s impossible. she dosen’t know I am in the decision making council for today’s events,’ I said.’ You are bluffing’.
‘Oh lord!, Today is sunday and everybody has gone to party at Lord Indra’s. she knows you are responsible for today’s events’, he said.
Yes, my wife, she is a Ronaldo fan. She dosen’t want Messi to win the a world championship before he does.
‘Naradh, this is not fair. I……ca…can’t’.
‘My lord’, Naradh cut me and said ‘I will tell her that I was responsible for Argentina’s win.’
‘Naradh, you should not lie. It is not allowed.’ I said.
‘That’s why, my lord, we will play a game of chess to decide the winner. If you win, having lost to you, I would be responsible for Argentina’s win.
So, here I am ,on the brink of shocking the whole world. It’s ironical. ‘Even god cannot save Argentina’. I gulped as I realized, all the prayers would turn into obnoxious cuss words. Oh!, you have no idea, some of the words people come up with. It’s safe to be human.
‘That teenager who will not stop watching porn, that adult who would hit on his neighbour’, I thought. ‘and Trump…..oh, no!’, that was when fear gripped my mind and made me realize, ‘I certainly should not let THAT happen’. I can’t hope for a miracle. I am the miracle.
All the cliches worked and I defeated Naradh. He had blocked his king and all it took was a rook and a king to ground him.Yes, I had done it. Flood gates opened in my mind and relief struck me. The victory tasted sweetest when I saw Naradh’s sobbing face.
It was time to answer a billion prayers. I focused my energy on Messi’s mind. He was sound and focused. He could net the ball with his eyes closed. I rattled the goal keeper’s mind and nulled the odds.
This is where I had got it all wrong. Messi MISSED. The whole world was shocked. Silence struck. I could not believe it. Where had i gone wrong? I had nullified all the odds against him. How could he miss?
This was possible only if Messi wanted to miss. I had ASSUMED he wanted to score. That nullified all the odds against Messi’s wanting. That’s where all of it had gone south. Why the hell did he want to miss?
The REASON was shocking. Messi missed because……….
White flashes of light hurt my eyes as I opened them. My mind was numb. Images of a white ceiling filled my eyes. My nostrils were filled by the nascence of iodoform. I felt a soft cushion underneath me. The creeking noise of the door from one corner of the room distracted me. Naradh walked in. He looked concerned.
‘Where am i?’, I asked.
‘Do you remember anything from last night?’, Naradh asked.
‘Do i look i have a clue?’, I replied impatiently.’What happened?’
‘You fainted yesterday, at the game’. Naradh said.
‘The game?’, I asked.
‘Yeah, Messi missed and you fainted’,
OH MY GOD!
–END–
