[Trip to the bathroom – Hilarious Short Story]
Trip to the bathroom - Hilarious Short Story
You’re attending a lecture in college. Suddenly you feel a tremendous pressure building in your anal area which you diagnose as gas accumulation. Feeling confident you have the muscle tone required for a controlled venting operation, you allow the sphincter to slightly relax. As the hair curls on the nape of your neck, you realize your error in judgment as fifty cubic centimeters of diarrhea slam into your jockey shorts. Your next action is a. Moan loudly, grasp your chest, and fake a massive coronary. b. Ask mindless questions concerning the subject being briefed, wait for someone to yell, “who gives a shit!” then raise you hand.
As you rush out of the class and make a dash for toilet seat just in time to shut the door close and pull the pants down before the first of the many toxic airborne toxic missiles land on the mosaic floor. A gush ,and some thunderous lightening reminiscing sweet memories of the past Diwali night later you are relieved. Then you feel a fullness of our bladder and need to pee .you relieve yourself of the the unnecessary clothing and start simulating the great Niagara falls in your own smelly enclosure.You look around at the cement walls to see pictures of men and women with blissfully smiling expression with enormous sizes of their genitalia .Below it is a note, a carefully inscribed calligraphy reading “Sunny loves Pinky”. You look down upon yourself and a feeling of inadequacy fills you up .You snap back from your conversation with conscience.You look down on the sloppy dirty toilet seat ,take deep breath of the pungent aroma and exhale with the sounds of one round of machine guns courtesy “sphincter anus”.
If there were a research on the contribution of a Man in the soiling of a potty, mine would be a classic case. When I was a kid, my mom censured me for not `shooting` right. She said, the pool of water inside the potty was supposed to be my target. But I never was a great aims man. And it showed miserably. But if you had asked me then, I would have bet my fat a** that even Al Pachino from the movie Scent of a Women would not have got it right. When I was six, I was a little tall and shooting from the hips came easy. Now, my mother had another set of complaints. She said, I was not flushing. She was right, I was forgetting to flush till I was about twelve years old. So much so, the room fresheners (Odonil is the one we used) were rendered useless. .
In a few years, I was in college and worldly wise too. Now, I knew to flush the potty, and was pretty good too. You should see the flamboyance with which I turn the knob. But life has its own ways of balancing. And just when, I was getting even mistakes I’ve made in life ,I get complains from colleagues about leaving the toilet seat up. tried to reason out with them, telling them that even Bruce Willis does it. It did not work. And I saw little reason in fighting it out alone for the whole man-kind. I mean, if the men were not interested in removing the blotch, why should I be concerned. But that does not mean, I put the seat down, I still leave it up. In fact, sometimes, when I have to avenge something, I don`t aim straight, I don’t flush and then leave the seat up! Kinda cute, yeah!!
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