My thinning journey

I don’t know what happened, slowly I had to switch to baggy clothes and pants with elastic waistband. Almost every time I go to buy clothes I go to maternity or plus size section. My guys would pull me from there and we end up in arguments.

“Are you pregnant?” my Husband would huff. “Why do you always go there?”

I would say “I want to be comfortable. I want to be able to breathe in my cloths.”

“No sweetie, you have to buy right size. Look at that mirror, you look so thin. Wear nice fitting clothes my dear”

“No, I look like a tight bag of potatoes if I wear tight clothes.” I retort.

“No mom, you are thinner than my math teacher.” My son will butt in.

“OK, I actually don’t need any new clothes now.” I will cut it there

Last month I was invited to my friend’s house warming party and I wanted to try my necklace, which was lying in the shelf for a long long time. It was my mom’s and she gave it to me in my wedding. It has golden stars with white stones embedded in it. It has been my favorite. I used to wear it on very special occasions.

I put it on and I could not believe it. It was actually pricking into my skin. I looked in the mirror, I was shocked. The beautiful necklace was clutching my fat neck and it was more like a noose around my neck. I couldn’t breath. I could not tell if I was choking or held my breath in disbelief.

Am I so fat? I have to check my weight next time I go to pharmacy shop. I thought and then I forgot about it all.

“Why don’t you join gym?” Putting his arms around my waist my hubby asked one day. “You were so thin then!” I remember it so well. My waist was so thin that his one arm was enough to hold around me. Now he was struggling with both the hand.

That is it! I got to do something about my weight. I was so slim. I never weighed more than hundred and twenty pounds. Even after I had my kid, I came back to the original hundred and eighteen in six months. Until I was thirty five, I maintained that weight. My mom always boasts about me with her daughter in laws. Every one in the family was jealous of my slim figure.

And now I have to do something about it ASAP.

I checked my weight secretly at the super market when my guys were away, and to my shock I saw I was hundred and fifty pounds. “How is this possible? This is absolutely not acceptable. I have to lose weight”.

Then I started my marathon, nerve raking, thinning journey!

I went and bought a scales and a note book. Noted the date and weight. My goal was to lose fifteen pounds in one month.

I started browsing the web for weight loss programs and diets. After five days of happy browsing, I found some interesting programs and diets.

I checked the weight again; I weighed a hundred and fifty six. “Very bad! What happened”? It was my habit of constant consuming something while browsing. Mugs of coffee, tea, Cheetos, popcorn, peanuts and cookies. I always have a cup of Joe and a bag of snacks handy while on internet. “Damn it”.

And I finally made up my mind to start the regimen. Together with exercise and diet I can do this!

Hey guys “it is dinner time.” I made our family special favorites, including dessert.

“Mom, what is it? A festival or what?” My son was excited.

Filling my plate for the third time I said “Nope, Just that I am going to start dieting from tomorrow.I can’t eat all this stuff any more.”

“Are you kidding? You on a diet?” my husband curled his upper lip in an unsuccessful attempt to hide laughter.

“It sounds funny mom. You and dieting? It’s impossible”.

I am proud of my honest son. The poor kid saw mommy munching, gulping, and slurping all his life.

Anything left over at the dinner table, goes to mommy, or any one doesn’t like something goes to mommy, watching TV- a big bowl of buttered popcorn, reading an interesting novel-family size Cheetos bag , Could not sleep – some cookies and hot chocolate in milk, Angry- munch, happy slurp, confused- candy bar will do.

That is what he has seen all these years.

And now she says she is going to diet – Yes, OK!

“Good luck to you”. Both my hubby and son shouted together.

“I am going to prove it to you guys. Just watch it” I licked my fingers clean and raised my fist.

Hit the snooze button and got up at five thirty next morning. Put on running shoes, sweat shirt and pants I was already feeling light. Humming happily started my slow jog. Three minutes into that I found a nice bench in the park. I wanted to admire the beauty of the trees and flowers sitting on the bench. I can’t do it while running. Wow! What a wonderful sight. The trees were in full bloom and the grass is like a freshly laid carpet with intricate floral designs.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Mrs. Roy with her dog sitting on the bench. She is my best friend Sheila’s mother in-law.

“Hi how are the kids?” Lo the conversation went on for an hour and my god, I have to go home. I should go and get my guys ready for school and office.

“Had a good run?” my husband winked. Handing me steaming cup of coffee.

“Yes, it was OK. I didn’t want sugar and creamer in coffee honey” I said sipping heavenly coffee

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. I know you can’t drink bitter coffee. Common enjoy it”

“OK for now. But from tomorrow onwards no sugar in my coffee please.” I said it to him and to myself.

After both have left to work and school, I took out the note book and marked “yes” against morning exercise and readied for the “diet breakfast.”

A bowl of oatmeal, milk, an orange and coffee: that will be just four hundred calories. I polished oatmeal with a cup of milk and a little sugar. Pealed and sucked the juicy orange. Wow it’s so good, another orange won’t harm. The book says as many servings as you like for fruits and veggies.

I poured Coffee into my cup, black without sugar and milk. Yuk. So bitter. I can’t drink it. Oh. What the heck. I will add a few drops of creamer.

Salads in lunches and dinners! No problem. Any amounts of salads I can eat. With some nice grated cheese and lots of croutons it tastes yummy. Why not add some pine nuts, almonds pecans.

Yep, anything goes into salad I can eat.

I checked my weight again after a week. Nope. This exercise – on the park bench and so called dieting were not working. I got to do something else.

I went and joined the health club. “So what do you want to do miss? Will you join aerobics, Pilates, yoga? Which one do you like?” the health club admin person was asking.

“Yoga sounds good. It is the latest isn’t it? Oh yes Mam. All the famous people are doing yoga. Even Madonna is into yoga.” I blurted.

Yep. Imagining myself – wow, a tall slim figure stretching both hands together above the head – in Namaste looks soo sexy.

I bought a yoga mat, loose fitting stretch pants and a sweat shirt, a head band, it looked so yogic.

“Honey did you join karate or something?” My hubby mumbled nervously when he saw me.

“No honey, I am into yoga now!”

“Sit cross legged. Stretch your arms fully and say Oohm”. The instructor showed it smiling all the while. She looked like she is in peaceful tranquility.

Cross the legs! I crossed my left leg, nice. “Do we have to cross both the legs”? I asked her

“Yes try it”. I tried to pull my right leg also in. It goes out back. Again I pull it in.

“Now cross the legs”. The instructor tells encouragingly still smiling.

How? My thigh muscles are pulling the legs back. I guide them slowly and deliberately.

“Good. Now slowly lift both your arms above your head”.

“How”? If my hands leave my legs they will shot apart. I cannot keep them crossed.

“Try. Try”, I told myself.” You can do it. Everyone else is doing it”. I lifted my arms.

Now stretch them up. My instructor is not smiling any more.

“Patience lady”!

“Now say Oohm and close your eyes and concentrate in your breathing. Inhale”,

Say Oohm and Exhale.”

“My cross-legged legs are killing me”. Any moment I would spring them out and I wanted to run.

“Relax. Inhale, exhale”. Said my instructor’s peaceful voice.

“Shut up lady. How can anybody relax in this position”? I grit my teeth…

“Now stand up slowly”.

Thank god. I thought I would die cross legged.

“Put all your weight on left leg’ lift your right ankle and touch your hip. Relax. Inhale say Oohm

Relax, exhale.” The peaceful instructor was chiming

I know the damage I can do to the innocent girl standing besides me if I fall on her besides the damage to myself if I did what she was telling us to do.

“Be careful girl, do you even have medical insurance. Will it cover yoga related injuries”?

“You are not relaxing your mind”.

Does my instructor know mind reading?

“You cannot achieve the desired results unless you relax your mind you know”. The all-knowing peaceful instructor was preaching…

“Let me try aerobics. Yoga is not for me”. The clerk looked at me impatiently and said all the classes are full. You cannot transfer classes now.

If I can’t transfer I will pay full amount. Please register me as a new candidate. I was not giving it up.

“OK that is possible”. She put me in aerobics class.

“Step up step down. Step up step down. Don’t you love the music? Roll your arms. Step up step down. Step up step down.” The Aerobics teacher was jumping up and down.

“Could you reduce the speed a little bit?” Huffing I scream above the music.

“No ma’am, I have to think of others also. Common you can do it”.

“One two three four. Go round and step up”. He was singing while clapping and jumping.

“Why the hell is this step stool so narrow? Can’t they use a bigger one?”

“Up down up down”. Ouch, my ankle! Thud!

I don’t know if it was me or the fat lady besides me, whose fault was it. She was on top of me.

“You know after all you are not that fat”, lifting me from wheel chair and setting me on the bed

“I can lift you so easily. You don’t have to diet or exercise. I like you as you are. Besides you are thinner than J.Lo”, my husband winked.

That made my day.

“Mom will they take out this cast next week.” handing me the banana smoothie, my son rested his head on my shoulder.” I hate to see you lying on bed mom. You should be in kitchen…”

“Yes kiddo, you are right” slurping the smoothie I closed my eyes.

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