Funny Love Short Story – Dating an IT Girlfriend…
Photo credit: kumarnm from morguefile.com
They say there are two kinds of people in this tiny world (I call it tiny coz of an evil grinned worm named – ‘Facebook’, that seems to mock at your daily routines saying ‘I got you trapped as***les’ and there’s not a damn thing you plan to do about it). OK.
Back to the kinds of people. There’s one who are contended with whatever little their God has given them and enjoy their lives with an almost perfect smiling day. Second kind, who just cannot be satisfied with whatever they get. Every day is a battle to gather more than before and when it’s time to step into their graves they curse their Gods for their self made miserable lives.
Well, for me, my name is Aroze and I belong to a third kind, it’s called IT. You can call them people, it might make them feel a little better. This kind is always baffled by the most fundamental questions that even Einstein could not have solved even if he had three extra lives like that childhood game character Mario – ‘What’s the meaning of Life ?’ ‘Who am I ?’.
This kind dares to believe that they can find answers to them while taking a morning shower to work or while munching food in a noisy food court. Sometimes it seems that they came out of their mothers womb with headphones in their ears and a music player in their back pocket.
Right from getting up in the morning until they sleep (if only they knew what sleeping means. Sigh !), every thought they think can be either be prefixed or suffixed with ‘What The F**k’. WTF am I doing in this company? WTF there are no good girls? WTF, this morning bus is like a civil hospital ward And the winner of all – ‘WTF am I ?’.
Seriously I could go on and on lest I might miss the most interesting part of my story. C’mon, don’t be jealous, we can also have some interesting nanoseconds in our lives.
I got baptized into this type almost five years ago. Don’t ask how the journey has been so far, this is supposed to be a funny narration. I don’t want my readers to have moist eyes looking for a crying shoulder. So relax.
My life took a blind roller coaster ride when I managed to bag a girlfriend who happens to be in IT. Can’t say if this is good or bad coz each time I think about it I’m like ‘Hey WTF, I got a girl’ ( notice the desperation here. We have this for like 99.99% of the time but that’s the exact amount of time we spend to hide it under a zombie face). Now buckle up all gentlemen and the complicated opposite sex, as I take you through that night when I went on a date with an IT girlfriend.
Eventually, Vidya seemed to me the most beautiful girl on this planet. Time taught me so and I did not dare question why. She added a little bit of spice in my otherwise bland life with her silly jokes, well actually her silly everything. I loved them all. She would be on top of the world anytime her team lead sent her an outrageously goofed up appreciation mail and used to pull her hair apart when her code had 32 errors and 11 warnings. And guess who was her Messiah then. Yes. Me. Being a tech guy myself, I had no problem man handling those errors and warnings together and moreover she loved it.
Moments of romance we swept away mercilessly by personal sessions of KT for her so that she could add some technical weight-age along with nail polish colors and dress designs in left over parts of her temporal lobes or whatever the heck you call them. I took it all thinking, ‘Hey. WTF, I got a girl’.
Days passed and my project started to take a heavy toll on me. I thought my hair turned grey every day and built an inner fear that December, 2012 was nearer just for me. When I could take no more, I made a rescue plan – a date with my IT girlfriend. We had not gone out for a long time and I was overjoyed by the mere thought of it. I had no trouble in getting a yes from her for it since the day I asked she had a terrible fight with her Team Lead. Apparently the code she wrote was crashing and the client was not very happy with it. She was more than mad.
If only she had her ways, I swear to God that son-of-a-bitch TL would have been fighting for his life in some local hospital ward. I am glad it dint happen. Actually I would have loved to see that happen. I chose my words very carefully and said,
‘Baby, you look really stressed today. How about we go out for a lovely date today to some nice place?’
I was expecting a smile on her gloomy face listening to this. Nope. Instead a very meek, ‘OK’. I opted not to question or think what was on her mind. On the way back from office, in that same hospital ward like bus which seemed more like a running graveyard by now, I dialed a few restaurants in the city to find that perfect place. Finally, I booked a roof top table for two at Tamarinds’, an expensive option for my pocket. Plan was that I would pick her up at 7.30 sharp and we would drive to this place. The thought itself was tickling. My excitement doubled.
I sang and whistled all my favorite old Mohd. Rafi and Kishore songs on the way to pick her up. For those moments, I am thankful forever. Finally, I reacher Vidya’s place. She was dressed in an elegant light pink skirt and black tight top. She never did any makeup and I was thankful for that. Her hair were nicely combed and left open. She looked prettier or it was just me. I gave a polite kiss and complemented her. Once again, she gave a very meek, ‘Thanks’. Keeping alive my hopes of a wonderful evening, I let her sit cautiously on the bike and off we were to that lucky place. I did the talking all the way and she never uttered a word but rested her head on my shoulder and hugged me lightly. For a moment I thought she slept off but a little ‘hmm….’ from her every now and then, made sure she didnt. I was contended with the hug.
We reached our place and I escorted her better than that waiter with a Tamil accent. Like a gentleman, I pulled the chair for her and took a seat in-front of her. She was still silent. I broke that silence by asking her if she would like something to drink. She opted for a French White wine and as always, scotch on the rocks for me. I felt like a boss.
The conversation was again started by me about the latest movies and plans for us to watch them. She looked disturbed just like I would be when I miss an important football league match over some stupid project delivery. But it had to be something else for her.
I tried to be romantic by softly singing some songs for her between talks. No luck. My patience was at test tonight. I was up for it. I tried a few more tricks but all came back to me with few murmurs and fake smiles. I had to do something quick to save this date but what. And at last, I fired my power shot and said,
‘ Baby, know what, you had a tough time at office and tonight is very special. You can ask anything from me and I mean just anything that would make you happy’.
Her eyes sparkled at that. I was eagerly waiting for her reply.
She blurted out in her innocent voice, ‘Baby, can you please explain me right now, what do you mean by blocks and how they are different from C functions?’.
My eyes froze, jaw broke to pieces as if it had been punched a hundred times, mind crossed with a million WTF’s in a fraction of a second.
I said, ‘Vidya, are you serious? ‘We are on a date’.
She replied,’ You promised me na and this is what I want right now. It had been on my mind all the time since I figured out that it was my mistake that the code crashed and my TL was right’.
I had to surrender. The romance died a sudden death and the air seemed choking. I gulped the entire scotch left in the glass and at once ordered another large peg. I knew i needed it more than anything else.
Paper napkins became white boards instantly where I wrote and explained it all to her. Strangely, she was interested in me and my words more than anytime before. We covered it all, every God damn technical concept that was a mystery for Vidya. I even picked up a few extra napkins from the table besides. She was smiling more with every moment, finished a full Pasta and a chicken lasagne was being gulped. She burped many a times. Finally we stopped when she was exhausted and figured out her mistake in that crashing code. She was eager now to go back tomorrow morning and fix it.
I finished my sixth peg and thanked the Almighty for giving humanity scotch. Vidya was by now in all smiles. She carefully selected one of the napkins out of the dozens on the table and kept it carefully in her bag. Guess thats where she would copy and paste certain code. I settled the bill and we drove back. She again hugged me a little tighter and rested on my shoulder as before. I din’t talk. When we reached her place, her eyes were too sleepy and face looked relaxed. She gave me a little kiss and we bid goodnight.
I could see she could sleep peacefully now and that thought made me feel happy coz I loved her a lot. I drove back to my place. On the way, I tried singing the same songs of Mohd. Rafi and Kishore.
__END__
