My Break-up Story, how I dealt and what I learned
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My Story
I have one super crazy love story, at many places you might get a feeling that I’m a real stupid but I don’t want to hide it. Okay, so here it goes. I am a simple boy with a really lovely girl friend. She is my colleague and we fell in love at work. I have been in relationship with this girl for over an year. Everybody falls in love, hoping to marry the other person and live with them for the rest of their life. But in our case, right from day one, both of us know that we can never get married in this lifetime (for reasons not worth mentioning) but still we were madly in love. Our love knew no bounds. She was an Angel to me, no words can express the happiness she gave me just with her cute little smile.
One fine day, we fought over an issue which was clearly her mistake. Being the egotist I am, I decided not to talk to her unless she herself calls me and admits her mistake. I waited for a day and she didn’t call me. I waited for another day and still no call from her. I began to grow more and more anxious and I was missing her real bad. It was a small issue and I cursed myself for blaming her though it was her mistake. A week passed by, and I couldn’t take it any more. My love for her finally dominated my ego and I called her. I was dying to listen to her voice.
She answered my call! She apologized that she didn’t call me even though it was her mistake. She continued to explain that her best friend asked her to stop being with me and if not, he would reveal our relationship to her mom. It was the lamest explanation anybody could ever give. Both of us being so much in love, she is obviously expected to at least tell me what has happened. I questioned her the same, she apologized again and continued to explain that she felt very low on the thought that we can never get married (which I was also aware of). She continued to explain that her best friend didn’t want her to feel low, so he directed the breakup episode. This best friend of her also happened to propose to her minutes before I called her and she said that she was still thinking about starting a relationship with him. We all know what that means.
I believed that we both were the only people in our world but without my knowledge, she has let in a third person into our world and gave more importance to him than me and finally threw me out of it. The thought that I cannot anymore share every silly thing in my life with the person I loved the most started killing me. That sudden void in my life was unbearable. I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore and I started crying. She consoled me and told me that I should be brave enough and take it easy. I have always wanted her to be happy, so I wished her all the best and we bid goodbye to each other.
How I dealt with the break-up?
I got a heavy feeling in my heart, the feeling that people get when they just hear the news that their loved ones met with an accident, probably a thousand times more. My heart just got struck at that point. I tried listening to music, watching movies, watching porn but nothing released that heavy feeling inside my heart. I didn’t sleep the whole night and I prayed to God the very next day to give me the power to endure that pain. The day passed by and I was busy with work but the heavy feeling in the heart was still present. After my work, I locked myself up in a room, put on some dance numbers, pumped up the volume and danced like a mad man. I cried my heart out while dancing but still no relief.
I laid down to relax and a thought suddenly hit me. I loved her so much that her happiness was the most important thing to me on this Earth. At this point, her happiness was in getting rid of me. She badly wanted me out of her life and she got it. So, I actually made her happy by breaking up with her. So, I should actually be happy because I made her happy. As soon as I got this thought, the heavy feeling in my heart disappeared miraculously. I felt normal and happy again! I thought it was over but I was wrong!
I planned a long leave for some other reason and got back to work after a week. I was good the entire week but then when I saw her at work, everything collapsed, it felt like my life collapsed right in front of me. I again got back that heavy feeling in my heart. I couldn’t concentrate on work the whole day. A friend of mine, unable to see my pain, took me to a bar where I boozed until I could take no more.
I came back home at midnight and called her up. Her phone was busy, she was probably talking to her new boy friend. I called her again after some time, it was still busy. I remembered that there were days when she didn’t care to put her boss on hold when I called her. That made me feel all the more horrible. I waited impatiently and helplessly. And then after more than an hour, I get a message from her asking why I called. I told her that I wanted to talk to her for one last time. I requested for a video call to which she agreed after a lot of persuasion.
So, I started a video call. Now, this part is really crazy and you might even laugh at me. I bursted out at once! I cried like a baby, inconsolably for two hours! I kept on asking her why she did this to me and cried. For two hours! She tried to console me in every possible way and she apologised again for not even caring to let me know about the break-up until I called her. But nothing comforted me. After two hours, I disconnected the call. Even after that I continued to cry for another hour with self pity. So crazy I am!
I didn’t sleep that night and the self pity continued until afternoon. But then, I again realised that I made her happy by breaking up with her and the thought that she is happy relieved me of the pain again for the second time. I actually felt a lot better than ever. After some introspection, I realised that it was because I cried my heart out. I’ve let out everything inside me and that was why I was feeling so much better. As soon as I realised this, I appreciated the fact that she listened to me even when there was no need for her to listen. I really wanted to thank her for that from the bottom of my heart. So, I called her but she wouldn’t take my call. I messaged her saying I just wanted to thank her and not to create a scene like I did last night. She finally agreed to talk and I thanked her heartfully for listening to me.
The grief will always be there and I realised that only time can relieve me of that. But I was at least relieved of the heavy heart feeling. I never broke down again even after seeing her.
What I learned from this break-up?
Break-ups hurt more than death. When a person you love dies, you know that the person is not here anymore but when you break-up you know that the person is there but not with “you” anymore.
Even a person you truly love can hurt you. I’ve always had this feeling that when you love someone truly, they can never hurt you, not at least purposefully. But, I was so wrong. I loved her so truly and so much, I’ve always made her feel like an Angel. Every single day, every single moment I was with her, I always thought of various ways to make her happy. Among the many things I did, I composed and sang songs on her just to see a smile on her face. Her happiness was always more important to me than anything else in my life (NO EXAGGERATION AT ALL)!!
Even when she was not talking to me, I was thinking about ways to make her happy when she starts talking back to me and composed a new song for her. I eventually sang it for her in shivering voice while I cried that night. I don’t think I showed even 1% of my love for her and still she was always on cloud 9 just with that 1%. She can never deny that fact. That was how much I loved her. However, when she decided to break-up with me (no, she actually broke-up with me in her heart), she didn’t even care to let me know that until I called her. And there I was, thinking of various ways to make her happy after we get back together, not knowing that she already broke up with me. Had she told me that she wanted a break-up as being together was hurting her, I would’ve definitely done that, well may not be immediately but definitely. That’s because her happiness meant more than anything else to me as I already mentioned earlier. I LOVED HER SO MUCH THAT I WOULD’VE DEFINITELY LET HER GO. In fact, that’s what I did. It’s because I loved her so much, her happiness mattered to me so much and that is the thought in which I found solace even after break-up.
You do not feel the pain of a break-up if it happens after you get into relationship with someone. At any point in their life, human beings always want someone with whom they can share their sorrow, happiness and just be themselves. Generally, everybody will have only one such person at any given point in their life. When things don’t go right and break-up comes into picture, it hurts both of them, even the person who wants to break-up because of the void that gets created in their lives. However, if you are already have someone filling that void, the break-up will not hurt so much. In my case, she was the only one I had at the time of break-up but she already had her best friend filling up that void who eventually became her boy friend. So, she didn’t feel the pain and I’m really happy for that. It would’ve been all the more difficult for me if she was also experiencing the same pain because I love her so much, I just can’t take it.
What goes around, comes around! This is an extension to what I wrote above. Six years ago, I had a very close friend with whom I broke up ruthlessly. At that time, I was the only one she had but I already had someone else filling that void for me. So, I had no idea how much it hurts until I went through the exactly same situation. I’ve always believed in this – you do good, and you get back good and vice versa. It turned out to be true! Knowingly or unknowingly, I hurt my close friend real bad and it came back to me after six years. Better late than never, so I immediately called her up and apologised for being so harsh on her back then. She did accept my apology.
I learned a lot of things which might seem small or silly but they are very important in life. I learned that even true love can turn selfish at some point. I learned that pain can be handled with love. I learned the value of a relationship. I learned that a gesture as simple as listening to a person’s pain can relieve that person of that pain and give enough hope to live. Overall, this break-up has made me a more stronger and more matured man.
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